Thank you

[squiggle_daisy]

I am new to this forum. However, I am so thankful for this space and the potential to connect with others who have been through what I am going through. I have read a lot of posts and seen people fighting for their health and it is encouraging. I live in a small, fly-in, isolated community and I struggle with bipolar 2. I also have a stressful job where I have disclosed my illness but have not had any accommodation and when the depression hits, I feel like I am unable to get out of bed, and miss time at work. My boss is old school who spends seven days a week in the office and lacks any empathy or understanding of my condition. I return to work after being away and there is no asking about how I am doing or that it's good to see me back. Maybe I'm expecting too much. My previous boss (he left and this guy came in), disclosed my condition to my co-workers without asking my permission.

I am going through a depressive episode right now. I am just so tired of this life. I have a video conference with my psychiatrist tomorrow. Today though, I don't want to leave the house but in order not to lose my job I have to go into the clinic here and request a note for my absence today. Getting out of bed feels like an insurmountable task and they expect me to get up, dressed, out to the clinic, wait at emergency until they have time to see me, speak to a nurse and get a note, bring that note to the office and then go and see the psychiatrist again tomorrow. I am overwhelmed. I know what I have to do to prevent losing my job but right now, it just feels like too much. I don't want to lose my job though. I'm hoping tomorrow to have my psychiatrist write a letter requesting accommodations from my workplace. Maybe that will help as that is one of the main stressors of my life. I just need to get through this.

[AJ]

Welcome to the forum Squiggle_daisy. I'm not working now but I remember how difficult it was to go to work unwell. My co workers just thought I off as 'stress' leave. They didn't know about my mental health issues.

I used to live in an isolated community, but at least there was a Pdoc would come up once a week.

I think it's ridiculous that we have to get sick notes from a doctor to not go in to work and not lose our jobs. It's unfortunate that some people abuse the system and we all have to get notes. There were times when getting out of bed was very difficult, much less going to a clinic for a note.

I'm sorry to here that you are depressed right now.

[paul m]

Hello squiggle_daisy and welcome. Asking your psychiatrist what accommodations may be available is certainly a good idea.

You might also ask him/her if they have any idea about what may be triggering your episodes. It may be there are no triggers, but with me sometimes there are things that will trigger an episode of depression or mania nearly every time. I now know what most of them are, but until some were pointed out to me I never associated them with an episode.

For anyone who doesn't know, a trigger is just something that may start us on the slippery path to an episode of mania, anxiety or depression. For me it can sometimes be as simple as getting one hr less sleep a night for 2-3 weeks and bingo I'm starting to get a little manic or too much anxiety and I start to get depressed.

For a long time I never associated my anxiety problems with my depressive problems(nor did any doctor mention this), but for me they are both really closely linked. If I can ease the anxiety, I often won't be as depressed. That's a little over simplified, but finding out how to manage individual components of my illness really helped.

Good Luck with your psychiatrist. (and your job) Take Care. paul m

[squiggle_daisy]

Thank you AJ. I did have my video conference with the Pdoc and he advised that I take medical leave for four weeks. He also said he would work with my counselor and I to write a letter to my workplace regarding potential accommodations. I am also going back on medication (had stopped taking them previously after a month of use - will stick with it this time). There has been one visit from a certified Pdoc to my community in the eight years that I have lived here. Video conferences and teleconferences are what is available to me unless I want to travel a two hour flight to a larger area, not something I want to do when I am depressed.

There is a lot of positive movement in terms of enlightenment when it comes to mental illness. However, so much work is left to be done when it comes to workplace understanding of mental illness. I am lucky that the clinic here is filled with understanding nurses who are there to help and also believe it is ridiculous that I am expected to have a sick note for every time I get depressed and can't make it into work. I have four weeks to focus on taking meds, self care and de-stressing.

Take care.

[squiggle_daisy]

Hi Paul M,

I have not discovered my triggers yet. I know I had a hypo manic period about two weeks before this depression episode. I didn't realize it at the time but my partner mentioned it to me after we went to the post office and I had eight parcels from eight online stores. The shopping was great but I am trying to become debt free and so normally I am pretty frugal. I am seriously considering handing over my credit cards to my partner to prevent further damage in future. Hopefully, with the medication, in time, I can gain better control.

I will try to be more mindful going forward and see what might be a precursor to a downward spiral. I definitely have anxiety. There are times when I will be in a crowded space and get shaky and start sweating and feel like I can't get enough breath. I try to take deep breaths and calm myself and tell myself (in my head) that things will be okay. I usually end up cutting things short and getting out of the space. Other times, it's just preparing to go out somewhere where the anxiety hits. I can see how both would be linked.

Thank you for the good luck wishes. Things went well with the psychiatrist. He is going to be away for about a month in July so I will continue to meet with my counselor and prepare accommodation ideas with her so when he returns we can get a letter underway to my workplace and hopefully have some positive changes made. I love my work. I like feeling like I am contributing to doing something positive for people and I don't think I would bode well without work or income.

Take care.

[squiggle_daisy]

Hi Lia,
Thank you for your post. It does at times feel like you're the only one struggling, doesn't it. Then, we find places like this forum and realize that others are out there like us who are going through life and there to help everyone along as we all try to live our best lives while dealing with mental illness. I have had to take unpaid sick leave because I've exhausted my sick leave but they still require a note from the clinic for each absence. I have a work ethic as well, and I do enjoy my job, when I am doing okay, I manage in the stressful setting and during hypomanic times, I thrive on the stress. My bipolar 2 is rapid-cycling so I cycle often throughout the year and that impacts how much time I miss.

Working part-time may be a possibility if I need to go down that road. One of the accommodations I hope to have enacted is to have opportunity to work from home at points where the depression is hardest hitting. That way I can have work move somewhat forward during the times I feel I can't physically be in the office. I, like you, end up back in the office following depression with a pile of work to get done and a boss who likes to remind me of all the things that are behind because I was off ill. Just what you want to hear when you are trying to step back into work and feel guilt about missing time and already have that heavy burden on you.

I do realize that this is a lifetime illness. I am just hoping that maybe one day I will find the right medication(s) and that my lows won't be as low or as lengthy. Thank you for keeping it real though. I am a dreamer by nature so it's good to have a realists insight from time-to-time. Thank you also for the good luck wishes. I wish you the best as well. Thank you for sharing your story and how you have coped when things get bad. It's too bad that your workplace does not give you sick leave when you are unable to make it into the office. I'm sure that must impact your stress and depression. My sick leave at work is exhausted so I am looking at the possibility of EI sick benefits for the next four weeks.
Take care.

[uni]

Hello and welcome, Squiggle_daisy. I'm sorry to hear you have troubles in your workplace regarding your illness. I understand your frustration and it does make a person tired to work in an environment where a depressive episode is not taken seriously. It sounds like you're doing what you can to look after yourself though, which is what matters most. I hope that work accommodations can be made for you without much trouble, and that you start to feel better soon.

[Canuck_Gal_1965]

It has always been a battle with my employer as well. I was off work from May 2011 to Sept 2012 on LTD. The only work accommodation my doctor and I asked for was for 6 hours in flexible work time each month to see my doctors. My caseworker from LTD would not help negotiate said it was between and my employer. They would not flex my time or give me time off without pay, I had to use all my sick days. I f my appt was for 3 pm they would force me to leave at noon and use half a day. Eventually my sick days ran out, I was then forced to use my vacation days, they ran out, then I had to stop treatment, they said if I didnt come to work Id loose my job. In January 2014, I had to get my third accomodation letter from my doctor which asked for flexible work time, they said no. My illness began a nose dive - bipolar, depression, anxiety, degenerative arthritis, spondolyosis, high blood pressure, fibromyalgia. Put me off work May 15, and so far they has asked for 3 letters from my doctor, saw a lawyer which costs money I dont have, my lawyer was flabergasted by my employers lack of knowing about 'the duty to acommodate'. I would not be surprised if my employer tells me there is no longer a job for me there, they will dissolve my position and create a new one under a different title. And not being on the right meds while being off - its been a living hell. Good luck to you, a lawyer might be able to help negotiate on your behalf for the accommodations, find one who specializes in labour law.