does Bipolar disorder mean I am weak?

[jgcr]

According to my husband, the fact that I am Bipolar means that I am a weak individual. Well, that statement upset me more than I thought it would. I've spent my whole life being the strong one, the rock for others. Now that I find myself unable to cope a lot of days, and that I was diagnosed with a mental illness, all of a sudden, it means that I am weak. In my mind I think I have just been too strong for too long and my body decided to let me know. Any opinions on weather we are weak or strong individuals? How the world perceives us?

[Brian]

Weak? Such a judgement is wholly inappropriate based solely upon a mental disorder as it offers no evidence to support such as accusation. I would have to wonder whether you misunderstood or if he is prone to such delusions. It is still apart of culture to believe mental illness equates to weakness but this is of course wrong and a dying perception with the introduction of more information and higher educated generations.

In support of your perception I would agree that generally speaking mental illness actually forces a person to be stronger by inherent nature it’s just that so much energy is put into dealing with it that there is not always much left for the rest of life and to the outside and uneducated observer this would appear as weakness when you are only burdened with more to bear.

How the world perceives you is based upon location and personal experience of the individuals in question it would be extremely difficult to get an accurate census and far more appropriate to poll your specific country. There are many possible perceptions in North America. People who go for violent propaganda will believe that whereas on the other hand those who have more detailed information would simply look at you as a person who’s mind works differently. The ideal would be to explain the situation to promote the latter perception. Perception will also change based upon cultural and religious factors so perception could range anywhere from possessed by demons to the current scientific view that it is simply a mind that works differently. The demographic of your area would determine which perception is more likely dominant.

As for whether the world would view you as weak or strong that is also entirely up to the demographics and prejudice. I would hope people wouldn’t go either way as bi-polar proves neither definitively.

[Determined]

I wouldn't dignify that comment with a response other than to suggest he research mood disorders and the influential people who have brought their conditions to the forefront of society. I have heard such comments before from people close to me and a little knowledge and understanding of the condition made a world of difference.

[paul m]

Hello jgcr. I can offer several rebuttals to your husbands theory. First bipolar is a major illness, like all major illnesses, not everyone survives them. Why does one person with colon cancer die and the next person survive Nobody knows, it's often a matter of luck that allows one person to survive a major illness and the next person to die or become more seriously ill. Why can one person smoke and live to be 90 and next smoker is dead of lung cancer at 50?

2) Bipolar can be a progressive disease unless one has a good doctor and the luck to be able to arrest the development of it. Very few people stay at one level of bipolar all of their
lives without treatment and even then it is not unusual for that treatment to have to be changed several times as we age in order to keep the illness at bay(assuming that we are lucky enough to be able to keep it at bay at all).

3) No one is really sure why people even get bipolar in the first place. Studies done on identical twins, show that only about 30% of the time will both twins develop bipolar. Logically, both should develop it as they have identical genetics and usually identical strengths and weaknesses.

4) Bipolar can strike at any age, but generally the peak times are between 12 and 60 to get hit by the illness. So you could have been a rock for 30 yrs and suddenly you have a major illness. That has nothing to do with weakness, it has to do with luck.

I have had mental shifts since I have been about 6 yrs old, however I got good marks in school, got a great job and everything was going along great. Then I got hit hard with bipolar. I can tell you that I didn't give up a job that would be paying me nowadays about $80,000 a yr to live on $13,000 per yr just because I am personally weak. I worked damned hard to get and keep that job and within a very short time bipolar stole it away from me.

How does the world view us? As Brian has said that depends on a lot of things. However I know that surviving bipolar has been the toughest thing that I have ever done and I've done a lot of tough things. While I do care about what some people think, I don't care what the general masses or the uneducated think.

As far as weakness goes, perhaps your husband would liked to have gone one on one with Jon Claude Van Damme a Belgian martial artist, Darryl Strawberry a major league baseball player, Barrett Robbins a footballer who played in the NFL for 9 yrs or Doug Harvey who starred in the NHL for many yrs , all suffered from bipolar and all had major life problems because of it.

Or perhaps he would prefer an intellectual argument with Buzz Aldrin, astronaut, Mark Vonnegut,pediatrician or Dimitri Mihalas, a world reknown astrophysicsts, All very smart people who had major problems with bipolar and major life problems because of it.

I haven't mentioned Robin Williams and Ernest Hemminway who fought and lost their battle with bipolar nor people like Carrie Fisher, Margot Kidder, Ben Stiller and Jim Carey who continue to battle with bipolar, but all of whom have provided us with many hours of entertainment.

All of the above people had major problems due to bipolar, I wouldn't call any of them weak. Nor do I think that you or I are weak. None of them rose to the top of their profession by being weak and when they had major problems it was often later in life as their illness progressed. Take Care. paul m

[dave]

he is mistaken. .bipolar is an illness..not a weakness. when i first read your post my reaction was negative, towards your husband. I've since reconsidered this. having a spouse become ill is hard for a partner, not as hard as for the person who is struggling with the illness but still hard, very hard

from my experience bipolar is progressive. until my late thirties i did well enough but as i aged my symptoms became more severe, lasted longer and occurred more often. i think this happens with a lot of us. self doubt is a terrible symptom of depression and can be devastating. its hard to be kind to yourself even if you are well. if you are able it may lessen the effects of your symptoms if you don't put yourself down or accept it when others do so

recovery is not easy but it is possible, don't lose hope

[AJ]

When I read your post Jgcr I thought here we go again. Although progress has been made in the last few years, the lack of knowledge about mental illness is still very much out there. Such comments are hurtful, especially when they come from someone important to us.

Some days I have the energy to 'educate' and some days I have to conserve my energy to simply get through the day.

[jgcr]

I myself think being bipolar means we are strong, just the fact that we have a battle within ourselves everyday means we are strong. Unfortunately, the fact that I had a career and more goals for that career, but am now on sick leave for an indefinite amount of time, apparently makes me look weak to society. The fact that I am unable to do the work an other individual can, to them means that I am weak. They don't understand why we can't cope. They figure we should just 'get over it already'. But, this isn't something we 'get over'. We learn to cope with it, with time and I am finding with many trials and errors. Being diagnosed was only the beginning of a long battle to recovery. Recovery doesn't always come. It may come quickly to some, it may never come at all for others. As of now, my career goals have changed. I once was working my way up to one day become a head of management. Now, I realize that will never happen as I know I will not be able to handle all of the pressures and stresses that come with the job. I've come to make new goals, smaller goals. Small daily goals are now how I face everyday. I'm not able to look 2-5 yrs down the road anymore, I have to take it one day at a time. This is what my husband and so many in our society don't understand. The 'why' can't we just be 'normal'. Why is it so difficult to cope on a day to day basis. I've been feeding my husband tons of information about bipolar disorder. As well as has my Pdoc, but for some reason, he still doesn't fully understand why I am the way that I am now. Unfortunately, I have been a rock for my whole life, and now, that rock has been crumbling more and more the past couple years. I think we just show our strengths in different ways now. I find myself setting these 'small goals' on a daily basis and thrive on them, no matter how insignificant they may look to 'other' people.

[Allan E]

hi folks this my first posting so bear with me.In all diagnoses in my research has one thing in common DOCTORS. Bipolar is just a label so they can justify giving drugs for profit.People have given up freewill because they think there DOCTORS have there best interest at heart.

[paul m]

Hello Allen E and welcome to the forum. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and just because mine differs from yours doesn't make me right or you wrong.

Here in Canada it is hard for a doctor to get a kick back from a drug company. When we are prescribed a medication we are entitled to take it to any drug store,. Unless you sign a release or give your permission, the drug stores are prohibited from passing on any information to the makers of pharmaceuticals. Plus we are entitled to ask for a generic substitute or ask the doctor for a similar med,but made by a different company. In fact when I go to my pharmacy I refuse to take generic meds made by one particular company right now because of the MFG problems they have been having. My pharmacy has no problem substituting the brand with another brand. Thus making it impossible for the drug companies to track which doc prescribed what.

In the USA it's bit different. An employee who has medical coverage can be told which doctor they have to use and which pharmacy they have to go to. Making it a lot easier to track prescriptions.

Plus of course you are free not to take any medications at all. I know many people with bipolar who don't take medication. Some are very successful, some not so much.

Now if you were to ask me if I think that the drug companies make too much money and are more concerned with making money than they are about my health, I would agree 100%. Take Care. paul m

[bibiane]

I so get what you are saying! I have been a rock to so many people in my life... but now I feel like I cannot be that rock anymore; at least for a while; I need to be able to use someone else's strength to help me find mine back. Does that mean I am weak? Yes, for now, and no, because I accept that I need a break. THAT is NOT easy and demonstrates a lot more strength. It means I am a fighter and I looking for new and different ways to cope.

[PJane92]

I live with bipolar disorder and I think I am one of the strongest people I know. I would never perceive myself as weak.

[jgcr]

I guess the feeling of weakness probably comes from the way the illness is making me feel along with the treatments that keep failing to make me feel better... I'm sure to some people seeing us battle this never ending fight probably shows them that we are strong individuals. but for now... even though i know it's difficult and that eventually, eventually it will get better... well, i don't feel so strong, for now.... and looking at my husband seeing me fight so hard just to get through one day, and seeing and understanding why he may see it as a weakness... well that's doesn't really help... but you are right. We are probably some of the most strongest individuals out there... Anyone fighting a continuous illness has to be strong... somehow.

[Determined]

Living with a mood disorder is like holding twice your weight over your head indefinitely. With practice and training it's do-able but it ain't easy. You have to be pretty strong to do that.

[AJ]

When I'm lost it's like trying to find a drop of water in an ocean. When I'm high, it's like trying to climb a mountain that never ends. And yet, I persevere.

I think people who live with a mental illness, who show up for life every day, in spite of everything, are very courageous. Even those who lose the battle, have fought the good fight.

[broken4life]

I think the saddest part is ...The one who is supposed to be your best friend your confidant , your soul mate....pushes you down a cliff and says you are weak. Just before my official diagnoses my boyfriend said something very similar to me. That our daughter would be better off with him because I was seeing a therapist and then a psychiatrist. As if these were bad things , as if seeking the "right" finally was a bad thing.
When we raise the children and keep the house all whilst working a full time job... we are weak!
I suppose some people will say just about anything to either hurt another or degrade them.
Trust me my boyfriend is a good man too but his words were evil and I almost commited myself to death that day. I suppose fragility is defined as weak...but it's okay when they have their bouts ...and those bouts would never be called weak times at all. grr hugs girl.