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Who loves Christmas...I am always feeling down at Christmas

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    #1

    Who loves Christmas...I am always feeling down at Christmas

    The pain of the past comes back at this time.

    Being vocal a long time ago about my father's ***ual abuse towards me changed everything at the age of 27. I am the victim here and everyone since then treats me like I am a paria...
    Both sides of my family have basically closed the door on me...it is as if I don't exist and since I told a few I was bipolar even a close female cousin's does'nt acknowledge me.

    It makes me sad and angry at the same time. Just for speaking my thruth I am banished, ignored, swept under the carpet.

    Can't wait till the 26th ...Boxing Day when all the fralala ends.

    What a cruel world this is!!!

    Sylvie
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    #2
    I'm so sorry to hear about what you have been through and are also currently going through with your family. Quite honestly I don't even know where to begin. I won't get on my soap box but, I will say many have no clue how to be with someone who has bipolar, much less being told that a family member has ***ually abused someone in the family.

    Many find the Christmas season stressful. The expectations are so high and the disappointments can be many. Unfortunately, family for some is toxic. Society's expectation that we always embrace our families is unrealistic.

    Do you have a supportive friend that you can spend Christmas with?
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

    Comment

      #3
      Hi. I can't imagine everything you've gone through. I find Christmas works better for me if I try to seek out a friend to spend it with.

      My family is very far away, but I have Hubby. Unfortunately Hubby is not a fan of Christmas. He can really depress me.

      So I invite friends in for Christmas. We have a couple from out-of-town coming Dec. 24th and staying through to the 26th. We are not having a traditional meal. Instead we have a third couple coming Christmas Day and we are going to do a murder mystery dinner set in an upscale ski resort. Our food is matching a resort menu, not the Christmas season. And my guests will be bringing food, helping cook food here, and helping with clean up.

      I have arranged with an ex-boarder to come visit us Dec. 26 and 27th.

      That way I get my socializing in and in a not so stressful way.

      I find the lack of people around Christmas to be my biggest problem. I need supportive people around me this time of year in order to prevent depression from setting in.

      I hope you can come up with a solution that works for you. Switching things up and letting go of expectations can make a huge difference. If you can't get together with a friend, maybe try volunteering at a homeless shelter or somewhere this Christmas? I used to volunteer a lot this time of year as well. But it got so busy for me it was too stressful. I had to back down.

      Comment

        #4
        Hello prairierose. Sorry to hear that you are feeling so lousy. I hope that when you get together with your friends that your spirits improve. Take Care. paul m

        Hello AJ. I agree with you when you said "Society's expectation that we always embrace our families is unrealistic".

        Humans are a weird race. I know may people who were adopted and have spent years looking for their biological families and many more people who know their biological families and wished that they didn't. Take Care. paul m
        "Alone we can do so little;
        Together we can do so much"
        Helen Keller

        Comment

          #5
          Hello Paul,

          Thank you for responding to my venting.
          Cheers for the Holidays!!!


          Originally posted by paul m View Post
          Hello prairierose. Sorry to hear that you are feeling so lousy. I hope that when you get together with your friends that your spirits improve. Take Care. paul m

          Hello AJ. I agree with you when you said "Society's expectation that we always embrace our families is unrealistic".

          Humans are a weird race. I know may people who were adopted and have spent years looking for their biological families and many more people who know their biological families and wished that they didn't. Take Care. paul m

          Comment

            #6
            Hi Sylvie,

            I'm sorry to hear the pain you're going through. You're strong and brave to have had the courage to speak out to your family about the ***ual abuse you went through and that you have bipolar. Though family is whom we consider to be the closest people in our lives, they may not always be able to understand what we're going through when it comes to mental illness or abuse that we've encountered in the past. That is extremely frustrating. We come out to them hoping to get their support and love and its incredibly painful when we seem to get the opposite.

            I've experienced physical abuse from my father when I was younger. Those memories and that pain never really leave you. I hope you're able to turn to someone other than family because I know it helps to talk about the pain of the past when those memories come flooding back. I hope you'll never feel ignored, there are people out there who care and are listening.

            Bella

            Comment

              #7
              Thank you Bella for writing it made me feel not so alone.
              Cheers and Happy Holidays

              Comment

                #8
                Thanks Prairie Rose for writing and listening. You seem to have wonderful people around you. I have a few friends but they usually spend the holidays with their family.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Thank you AJ for listening. Most of my friends spend the holidays with their family. I have one friend that always invites me along but she is going to Cuba for the holidays. I will just prepare myself a nice meal and be grateful for what I have.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    It's unfortunate that your friend is going to Cuba. One year when I was a student I found myself alone and decided to volunteer at a homeless shelter for the day. I met a lot of really nice people who were down on their luck. It helped me get through the holidays.
                    AJ

                    Humans punish themselves endlessly
                    for not being what they believe they should be.
                    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Hello Pink Violet. As you made a posted statement with exclamation marks followed by a quote where I had replied to two other people , but not you, I take that you are upset that I didn't reply to you. (post # 5 in this thread)

                      Believe me I am sorry that you have a bad time at Christmas and it is never my intention to not be sympathetic to someone. However there are always reasons why I do not respond to someone's post.

                      Sometimes those reasons are because what someone has said strikes strong emotions in me and I find it difficult to make a response. That doesn't mean what someone has said is wrong or invalid it just means that on that evening my emotions did not allow me to provide an adequate response.

                      In no way should this post be taken as being critical of you, I'm just explaining to you why I did not reply to you, even though I'm sympathetic to your problems. Your post also served as a wake up call to me. I reply to so many people, that when I don't reply it may be taken as if I'm ignoring someone or perhaps unsympathetic. So I will thank you for that wake up call and at least try and post a short reply when ever I can.

                      I've probably already went on too long here already, but I will close with: I am sorry that your Christmases are unhappy. Please feel free to vent here anytime, including any perceived problems with my replies or lack there of. Take Care. paul m
                      "Alone we can do so little;
                      Together we can do so much"
                      Helen Keller

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I am sorry Paul, I made a mistake there is no ill feelings here. As for the reply, one does what one feels. Everything is good it was my error.
                        Cheer

                        Pinkviolet
                        Last edited by Pinkviolet; December 23, 2015, 05:17 AM.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Hello Pinkviolet. Thx for your kind reply and it was very kind. Over the yrs AJ and I have had some replies that were not as nice as yours. It is always a relief when someone says that it was a misunderstanding or error.

                          Misunderstandings happen on the forum,not because people are bad, but because we cannot read someone's else's emotions very clearly on this limited electronic medium.

                          If we were all able to sit in a room, we would be able to see looks of sympathy, distress, smiles, tears and so on much easier . Also it would be easier to see when or how, we have inadvertently angered someone and take corrective action much faster and easier. I know that I've said things in error. Even worse, I've read a post wrong and posted something that I should't have.

                          I hope that you will be able to get past the pain that Christmas brings to you and have a better day on the 26th. Take Care. paul m
                          Last edited by paul m; December 23, 2015, 12:08 AM.
                          "Alone we can do so little;
                          Together we can do so much"
                          Helen Keller

                          Comment

                            #14
                            I am sorry Paul, I made a mistake there is no ill feelings here. As for the reply, one does what one feels. Everything is good it was my error.
                            Cheers.

                            Pinkviolet

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Hello Pink Violet. Everythings good with me too. Take Care. paul m
                              "Alone we can do so little;
                              Together we can do so much"
                              Helen Keller

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