bipolar ex boyfriend

[catman]

Hi everyone,

I know some of you have already read about my bipolar ex boyfriend, but there has been a development and I'd love some advice or comfort.

After our break up early this month, we stopped all contact. Just a few days ago, he began texting and calling me, leaving voicemails begging to be together again... He apologized several times, but I still hear "mania" in his voice, if that makes sense. I'm worried he's just upset that he doesn't have me anymore, but if I take him back and he feels like he has me again, he'll break my heart all over. I've told him that I don't trust him the same way anymore, but he's persisting and making promises (again). My heart is fighting with my mind. Logically, I don't feel like I'm cut out for a relationship with him anymore, but my heart is trying to get me to reconsider.

I know I have to be the one to make the decision, but I would love any advice or comments on what you think I should consider. I feel really torn apart and confused. Any boundaries I should set?

Thanks in advance,

Catman.

[paul m]

Hello Catman. Boundaries are a very personal subject. Not personal in the sense of "none of your business", but personal in what may work and what may not. Everyone's illness is a little different. Mine did not run towards addictions, but I could spend money like water, lie like a rug and my ***ual drive increased many times over when I was manic. So what worked for me, may not work for you. However, you have to decide what will make you happy and he also has to make the same decision.

In order for my wife to stay with me, I had to agree with a lot of boundaries. I had, or rather my illness had, put my wife through hell. Still it was not her fault and in order for her to be able to sleep at night I had to go by some rules I didn't like.

My wife is a fair woman , and believe me her rules were fair, but that didn't mean that I liked them. I am far from hen pecked and so far the rules have seemed to worked. So I'm glad that I put up with them. My wife also had to make concessions, but that is another story all together.

1) I had to agree to treatment and also allow her to come with me on appts if she wanted to. (to make sure I was telling the doctor the truth.

2) I had to take my medications as prescribed and if I didn't feel they were working I had to make a doctors appt and work with the doctor to get them changed

3) While I don't have to keep her appraised of where I am every second of the day I have to be timely. That is if I say I'm going to be home at midnite, I'd better be home at midnite.

4) No lies

5) There was a period with no ***. She figured that if I wanted her for a wife again, then I could date her for a while again. That wasn't as extreme as it may sound. When she had a major operation we were unable to have *** for about 6mths so dating for a few mths , while seeming extreme at the time, wasn't as big as barrier as I thought. (it was made a little more difficult on us both as we were still living in the same house and my wife has similar desires as I do)

6) In our case, I was a master manipulator of money and over drafts when I was manic. So I had to agree not to have any bank accts or handle the money, that's worked out quite well, but it was a big come down for a former bank manager(which is where I learned how to get multiple overdrafts).

7) No bars without trusted persons with me. I made the wrong friends(usually female) in bars when left on my own.

Good Luck and Take Care. paul m