Hi,
My life has been a roller coaster for years, with a year or two of things going well before it absolutely collapses. I've tried university twice and flunked out both times. I've hurt family and friends, gone thousands into debt, and recently lost my job.
A few months ago the pieces were finally put together (I had finally gone in for depression a little less than a year before) and I was diagnosed with Bipolar II. Looking back, I can see the signs that I never saw before, or ignored.
My wife and I had been together for almost 9 years by this point and was thrilled to finally understand what was going on. We got married slightly over a month ago (which we had been planning actively for the last year, and intending to do for the previous 8, waiting to get settled).
My hypomania showed itself in really bad spending and hyper***uality. In addition to bad spending practices normally, I was always trolling for porn on the internet and would hit sprees where I would sign up to a bunch of sites whether I really was interested in them or not. I would then, feeling guilty, hide what I had done, and the stress of that would get me going again, becoming a constant cycle. Unfortunately, I could never bring myself to discuss this candidly with anyone, as I felt utterly ashamed.
Needless to say, my wife would be horrified and upset, but she would forgive me and try to help me get better. I would for a while before falling back into old practices.
I'm in treatment now, seeing my doctor weekly, but I've found that I'm still falling back into my old habits.
I honestly don't know what to do. I am at the point of asking if he can prescribe some form of chemical castration, since everything that I have been acting out about has had to do with my *** drive.
My wife and I have never actually had ***. We have done what might be called very heavy petting on occasion, but never penetration. On top of having decided to wait for marriage early in our relationship (something I had decided on long before I met her actually, even with my hyper***uality, which I didn't recognize as being such), she also has a condition that causes penetration to be painful (and which she now has a treatment for but which she stopped because it was uncomfortable over a year and a half ago and which she has not restarted).
At the same time, we are close, constantly touching, kissing, and telling each other "I love you" (even after 9 years, which our friends amazing). We constantly tease and "molest" each other.
But my wife hasn't been in the mood for any form of ***ual activity since a few weeks since we got married though. She spent our wedding night day sleeping (literally, the entire day except to get up for two or three times to eat, which she had earned after the stress of planning the wedding and finally getting a chance to wait), and was just too tired for weeks after. She's been more than up for teasing and molesting me, but nothing beyond that, even the heavy petting.
I've tried to make it clear to her that I want to be intimate with her. Not because "I've waited long enough", but because I care about her and want to share that. She says she wants it too, but that she doesn't know what's stopping her. Then she does no research or anything. I've tried everything I could think of, and we have had very long talks about *** and what we want, but she never feels up to it (though she can be an absolute tease up until very moment it might get serious, at which point she feels too tired). I realize that women often have a low *** drive, but she absolutely insists that she wants to, but gets too nervous if things actually get serious.
So I find myself trying to "handle" things myself, but I often find myself getting manic and taking hours and start my spending sprees again.
I have never been with another woman, and thankfully, I have never had or even considered having an affair. My hyper***uality has been limited to pornographic websites, but never interacting with anyone else but my wife. In that I feel lucky, but the financial results are just as bad. Not only does it hurt our finances, it drains my days away and leaves me frustrated (as anything I do by myself is a poor shadow for even the most limited thing I do with her).
I absolutely love my wife and hate hurting her this way. At the same time I feel that my *** drive is too out of control and am at the point of seriously considering something to eliminate the drive. I don't think I would care if it was permanent (though I know I actually would). Yet, anytime I talk like that she apologizes for not being a good wife and failing in her duties (which causes me to do everything I can to assure her that I love her but explain what I'm feeling), and then does nothing to change. It took me suggesting chemical castration to get her to suggest that we should see a *** therapist.
I don't know what to do. If I had to chose between having a *** drive and hurting my wife, or having absolutely no *** drive, I would pick no *** drive (I love her that much). My *** drive is driving me nuts and... I guess "enabling" destructive behaviour I truly want to avoid, but beyond some form of drive elimination or my wife becoming more willing to be fully intimate (which I don't think will happen anytime soon).
I feel really lost on this one and would appreciate any help.
My life has been a roller coaster for years, with a year or two of things going well before it absolutely collapses. I've tried university twice and flunked out both times. I've hurt family and friends, gone thousands into debt, and recently lost my job.
A few months ago the pieces were finally put together (I had finally gone in for depression a little less than a year before) and I was diagnosed with Bipolar II. Looking back, I can see the signs that I never saw before, or ignored.
My wife and I had been together for almost 9 years by this point and was thrilled to finally understand what was going on. We got married slightly over a month ago (which we had been planning actively for the last year, and intending to do for the previous 8, waiting to get settled).
My hypomania showed itself in really bad spending and hyper***uality. In addition to bad spending practices normally, I was always trolling for porn on the internet and would hit sprees where I would sign up to a bunch of sites whether I really was interested in them or not. I would then, feeling guilty, hide what I had done, and the stress of that would get me going again, becoming a constant cycle. Unfortunately, I could never bring myself to discuss this candidly with anyone, as I felt utterly ashamed.
Needless to say, my wife would be horrified and upset, but she would forgive me and try to help me get better. I would for a while before falling back into old practices.
I'm in treatment now, seeing my doctor weekly, but I've found that I'm still falling back into my old habits.
I honestly don't know what to do. I am at the point of asking if he can prescribe some form of chemical castration, since everything that I have been acting out about has had to do with my *** drive.
My wife and I have never actually had ***. We have done what might be called very heavy petting on occasion, but never penetration. On top of having decided to wait for marriage early in our relationship (something I had decided on long before I met her actually, even with my hyper***uality, which I didn't recognize as being such), she also has a condition that causes penetration to be painful (and which she now has a treatment for but which she stopped because it was uncomfortable over a year and a half ago and which she has not restarted).
At the same time, we are close, constantly touching, kissing, and telling each other "I love you" (even after 9 years, which our friends amazing). We constantly tease and "molest" each other.
But my wife hasn't been in the mood for any form of ***ual activity since a few weeks since we got married though. She spent our wedding night day sleeping (literally, the entire day except to get up for two or three times to eat, which she had earned after the stress of planning the wedding and finally getting a chance to wait), and was just too tired for weeks after. She's been more than up for teasing and molesting me, but nothing beyond that, even the heavy petting.
I've tried to make it clear to her that I want to be intimate with her. Not because "I've waited long enough", but because I care about her and want to share that. She says she wants it too, but that she doesn't know what's stopping her. Then she does no research or anything. I've tried everything I could think of, and we have had very long talks about *** and what we want, but she never feels up to it (though she can be an absolute tease up until very moment it might get serious, at which point she feels too tired). I realize that women often have a low *** drive, but she absolutely insists that she wants to, but gets too nervous if things actually get serious.
So I find myself trying to "handle" things myself, but I often find myself getting manic and taking hours and start my spending sprees again.
I have never been with another woman, and thankfully, I have never had or even considered having an affair. My hyper***uality has been limited to pornographic websites, but never interacting with anyone else but my wife. In that I feel lucky, but the financial results are just as bad. Not only does it hurt our finances, it drains my days away and leaves me frustrated (as anything I do by myself is a poor shadow for even the most limited thing I do with her).
I absolutely love my wife and hate hurting her this way. At the same time I feel that my *** drive is too out of control and am at the point of seriously considering something to eliminate the drive. I don't think I would care if it was permanent (though I know I actually would). Yet, anytime I talk like that she apologizes for not being a good wife and failing in her duties (which causes me to do everything I can to assure her that I love her but explain what I'm feeling), and then does nothing to change. It took me suggesting chemical castration to get her to suggest that we should see a *** therapist.
I don't know what to do. If I had to chose between having a *** drive and hurting my wife, or having absolutely no *** drive, I would pick no *** drive (I love her that much). My *** drive is driving me nuts and... I guess "enabling" destructive behaviour I truly want to avoid, but beyond some form of drive elimination or my wife becoming more willing to be fully intimate (which I don't think will happen anytime soon).
I feel really lost on this one and would appreciate any help.
Comment