Hello, I suffer with Bipolar Disorder, but am stabilized on medication. Yet still, I deal with its intricacies everyday. I am an adult student who returned to university in my 30’s. I am a highly successful student who will be moving on to masters level studies in the next two years. Yet, as much as I achieve, underneath my emotions brew, and I rarely talk to anyone about them. Because I will be entering a field of work which requires a certain level of balance, I find it crucial to talk about how I feel. yet I feel cutoff from my family and friends, as I do not want to burden them. So here is the scoop.
I am ashamed of my illness, if my employers new about it they would not consider me for positions, I have to hide my high functioning mental health and it has become a pressure cooker. I feel alienated. My pain manifests in hypochondria, anxiety, self-hatred, among other ways. So as I work hard at my studies, I am accompanied by this cloud which follows me, raining negative self talk. Some days I fear I will truly fall apart and crumble, fail my studies, and be back at square one; a dependent ill person who feels helpless. I cannot afford a counselor, and the lists for free counseling are months long. My area of study is a field where I will be helping people, so I realize that to help others, I need to crack this shame shell. Inside I hurt very bad. I am terrified. I am here to just look for some friendly support and conversation. I am quite lonely and feel disconnected from my community. Thanks for listening.
I am ashamed of my illness, if my employers new about it they would not consider me for positions, I have to hide my high functioning mental health and it has become a pressure cooker. I feel alienated. My pain manifests in hypochondria, anxiety, self-hatred, among other ways. So as I work hard at my studies, I am accompanied by this cloud which follows me, raining negative self talk. Some days I fear I will truly fall apart and crumble, fail my studies, and be back at square one; a dependent ill person who feels helpless. I cannot afford a counselor, and the lists for free counseling are months long. My area of study is a field where I will be helping people, so I realize that to help others, I need to crack this shame shell. Inside I hurt very bad. I am terrified. I am here to just look for some friendly support and conversation. I am quite lonely and feel disconnected from my community. Thanks for listening.
Comment