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Will My Bipolar Wife Return?

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    Will My Bipolar Wife Return?

    After almost 7 years of off-and-on dating, my bipolar wife returned to me (she was my girlfriend at the time) late November to early December saying she didn't realize that I was perfect and that we should get married if I wanted to. She understood that she had treated me badly but wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.

    So we made plans. I planned to move down there once I was ready but in the meantime, we started to buy rings, organize the secret wedding, etc. She told me that she was on medication so I assumed it was prescription. Instead, as I found out just before we had major problems, she was buying something off the shelf from Loblaws, the local grocery store!

    Long story short.. She was starting to be very mean and I think she was in a discard/devalue phase before leaving on a trip. She did not take her ring and did not speak to me for most of those 3 days. She returned, tired and complaining, refusing to sleep in the same bed as me. I was upset and wanted to work things out and she kept on threatening me.

    Fast forward to the next day. We have an argument in public, she turns around and hits me with her fists. I accidentally defended myself and she threatens divorce and saying we are completely done. I explain myself to the police that I was defending myself and no charges were made against me. This happened at the end of July and since then, I have not seen my wife and only managed to speak with her briefly 4 days afterwards, she saying we are done, she doesn't love me even though before we were discussing kids, etc.

    I apologized, saying that I didn't want to hurt her but it was a reflex action. She did not accept this as an answer. She has since grabbed all of her things from our place while I was at work and kept me blocked. She has tried to report me to the police for harassment when I have tried to have us reconcile peacefully. She has, in the last two weeks, gone ahead and tried to separate our items in the house. Her lawyer is claiming that she will get a divorce, even though I have been with her through thick and thin and love her probably even more than her parents with feeding her over the years, buying her a winter jacket and hat, etc.

    Will she still return? I am really concerned that she will go through with this divorce even though it is clear that we both love each other a lot. She has in the past claimed to date me only because she was lonely but I am thinking she says that because she is in a devalue phrase.

    I cannot reach her online or off because she refuses to communicate at all.

    #2
    Radirgy Knight, I read your post. Relationships are complicated. I'm sorry to hear that things has been so difficult. I don't have any wise words of wisdom to offer, but I do want to welcome you to the forum.
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

    Comment


      #3
      Hello Radirgy Knight, and welcome. Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you're really hurting right now, and my heart goes out to you.

      One thing puzzles me: I don't know what "devalue/discard" phase means. Maybe understanding that would help. Regardless, dealing with a person who seems determined to break up, and refuses to communicate, has to be tough.

      Will she return? Who can answer that but her? One can always hope, but there is no guarantee. It takes two to make a relationship. You can continue to do your part, and it sounds like you are trying to do that. I think there are few things harder than having someone break up with us. Whatever unfolds over the next while, I hope you will look after your own well-being. You are worth it!
      uni

      ~ it's always worth it ~

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        #4
        Hello Radirgy Knight,
        You are in a difficult place, and the main question you have is not one that can be answered except to say that we hope so and that things work out well.
        From my own experience, returning is not easy, even if one is confident that there will not be judgements or recriminations. If I left someone/somewhere as the result of a manic or depressive phase of bipolar, I know I would not respond well to pressure, or what seems like pressure. Welcoming and loving arms may look different from the other side. My own episodes tended to push me towards fresh starts elsewhere. Yet this was not a commentary on those around me. In other words, I would reject myself as I was rather than reject what and who was around me. That said, everyone is different and every relationship has its own path. Wishing you the best...

        - a friendly duck

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          #5
          I don't know everything, but from the sounds of it. No, shes not planning to come back at this moment.
          Last edited by paul m; January 21, 2017, 01:40 AM.

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            #6
            Hello Kash. In the your above post it appears that I edited you. I did not. I pushed the wrong buttons and it automatically entered the edit part and I cannot erase it. Sorry if it caused any confusion. Take Care. paul m
            "Alone we can do so little;
            Together we can do so much"
            Helen Keller

            Comment


              #7
              There is more than bipolar going on with her. Bipolar people are very seldom spiteful, and only if they are cornered. We are typically quiet reserved emotional people just looking to be loved for who we are. What you wrote ( discard/devalue ) is more of a Narcissistic behavior. And No I don't think she be back any time soon. Even if she was contemplating it, she will likely not because if she is truly bipolar she will feel great remorse and regret for your actions. This means she will likely never face you because she will have to face her regret and remorse. It takes a very strong person to be able to do that. I do it all the time intentionally. I always say to people I am very sorry if there is anything I have done that hurt you. I am ill and never intended to do so. When my ex-wife left she even took the ice cube trays "WHAT THE F" who in their right mind empties ice cube tray in the freezer and takes the trays. Only a (methodical-psychopathy) monster does that and she is just that. I feel for you big time. But honestly let her go and find someone else you deserve than that.


              Buddy mack.
              "If we new what we were doing we wouldn't call it research......" Albert Einstein

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