What is better, what is normal? What am I looking for?

[jgcr]

I've been struggling with Bipolar II treatments (up and down and all kinds) for over two years... I'm just starting to feel a bit better (I think) since the past couple monthly ECT treatments. How do I know when I'm actually feeling 'normal' or 'better' to the point of being like a normal everyday person? What exactly am I looking for? I mean feeling a bit better is good, but nowhere near functionable yet... I haven't felt 'nomal' for over a decade. I have no clue what exactly I'm aiming for or what to look for as I am improving to know that yes, I'm finally getting there, or if I have a long way to go..... such a struggle, and such an unknown territory/uncertain, scary path...

[paul m]

Hello Jgcr. Good questions. I struggled for a long time on what feeling normal was. And that wasn't even anyone else's normal, I struggled with just how I should feel, think, react etc on any given day, mth yr, decade, etc. It was a scary path for me too. The uncertainty of it all drove me a little crazier than I was.

For myself it was a variety of things that helped me feel better. Part was realizing that my journey would never be over. My biggest battles are behind me (I hope) but I must continue to be vigilant against attacks and know what to do when they happen. I also had to re examine my life and to start sorting out what was going to be possible. That was a long task as I had to build up a track record. First I was going to try and have a good week, then a good mth , then a good yr and of course what defined having a good mth etc actually meant.

At the same time I had to try and decide what I would be satisfied with and/or were my dreams and goals too lofty. All very confusing for me and I still lack self confidence at times.

However as I said part of it was realizing that my journey would never be over. Part of was realizing that I could still have aspirations, dreams and goals, although they had to be modified greatly and part was realizing that I was content again in life. A large part of it was talking to others and seeing that they had made it through.

As rough as my times were, I know others who made it through even rougher times. Looking at their lives I could then at least see light at the end of a very long tunnel. If they made it through, maybe I can too. I'm not talking celebs here, I'm talking about some very ever day people who went through hell and emerged on the other side a little crispy around the edges, but reasonably whole. Some went on to great things, like the guy who started the Mood Disorders Society of Cda and thus eventually this forum, some are like me just content most days. (believe me the guy who start the MDSC went through some horrific times because of his illness)

I know that I haven't answered your questions, that's because I don't know you well enough and even doctors have a tough time telling someone just how long, difficult or bumpy your journey to feeling ok will be or even what ok should feel like. However I hope that I have given you some hope that eventually it will come together for you. It probably won't come all at once, but a bit at a time.

I hope others will give their opinion too. Good Luck and Take Care. paul m BTW, please don't hesitate to ask further questions if you feel that I haven't given you a satisfactory answer or if you feel that I missed the mark.

[AJ]

Life is a process. I don't think we're ever 'done' so to speak. I think we can set goals for ourselves, the tricky part is knowing whether they're realistic or not. What do we aim for? Are we reaching beyond our capabilities? Tough questions to answer.

For myself, being able to function in this world with the daily demands of life is a realistic goal. Being able to work is not anymore. Becoming well enough to enjoy life, in spite of the setbacks, is for me a realistic goal.

Normal is my normal. The word makes no sense to me any other way.

You will find your way jgcr. It may not look like it has in the past, but it is possible to be at peace with who you are and what you're capable of.

[Stenacron Man]

Quoting AJ ...."Normal is my normal. The word makes no sense to me any other way."... this says it best. There truly is no such thing as normal. The words I would be searching for are Comfortable & Stable. Are you are happy with what you accomplish and feel moderately happy. Just to put this out there for you. Bipolar has a depressive component to the condition, but you could also have (MDD) Major Depressive Disorder. When you have (MDD) with bipolar you tend to rise to the almost happy area or (Hypomania) then move down and back up never really feeling happy on a consistent basis thus feeling not stable or normal. I have both condition and many more. It's a long battle I have been bipolar most of my life since at least 8, but wasn't diagnoses until 1997.


Buddy Mack.