Disattention

[Jafar the wizard]

Disattention
I'm not sure if this is the right name for my problem .. but you can say : I simply have attention issues .. I can't focus .. not everyday .. but it can happen to me at least once a week .. it might just take me two hours to regain control on my thoughts .. and it might take more than 24 hours ..
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I can't focus because I just can't control my brain .. I can't follow .. I lose track .. it might happen at home or at work or even while walking in the street or driving or during a bus ride ..
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This kind or attention problems can make it hard for me to function at work .. it can cost me my job .. actually it did .. several times recently ..
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it can make me feel embarrassed .. it can make me mislay things & lose them .. it can make me take a different route & take the wrong way away from my destination ( while driving ) ..
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It can make it hard for me to read more than one page of a book without spacing out .. or maybe even less than one page ..
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it can make it hard to handle a simple dialogue .. face to face or on the phone ..
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Why ?
Simply because I can't forget bad memories ..
I think about things that happened one month ago .. or one year ago .. or even three decades ago ..
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This is really frustrating ... it is a big concern for me .. it happened to me all my life .. but after divorce things began being worse and worse ..
It makes me talk to myself & yell : FOR HEAVENS SAKE .. why on earth would you remember things like these now ...???? .. this very moment .. ?????
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If I'm at home alone .. I can wait until it wears off .. if I'm outside .. it's very embarrassing .. it makes me run away and hide at home to avoid making stupid mistakes ..
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During the last five years I had to deal with this issue using one single technique .. avoiding others .. for one day or two and be alone .. do nothing important .. because I can't finish one single task without spacing out .. not even buying grocery .. not even cooking a simple meal ..
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Of course I'm not the only human being in the world who has a problem like this .. I'm sure it happens to other people too .. but I'm talking about myself for only one reason .. I'm not a psychiatrist .. I'm a patient .. I can't be patient & psychiatrist in the same time .. especially when this problem is only ONE of the major challenges in my life now ..
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It is happening to me now .. this moment .. that's why I wanted to write this .. I can describe symptoms more accurately .. even if it's too hard for me to focus .. I can recheck what I wrote later .. before publishing it ..

[AJ]

I can relate to your experience, although thankfully it doesn't happen to me very often.

Driving anywhere becomes a challenge. I can be going down the street to a place I've been to many times, and suddenly have a complete blank about how to get there. Panic sets in as I pass all the turn offs wondering if I've missed mine, especially if I'm going to an appointment.

It can happen in the middle of a conversation. I see the other person's lips move, I hear sound coming out, but I don't understand what the person is saying. It's like words have no meaning attached to them. Again panic will set in. How do I respond to this person when I have no idea what they just said? I usually say pardon me, and hope I get it the second time it is said.

Short term memory issues compound the problem.

Childhood traumas used to play a role in this. After many years of therapy, I can bring myself back to the present fairly quickly. Now it just happens randomly, when my mind isn't preoccupied with anything in particular.

I ride it out and hope I don't do something or say something really 'stupid' before it's over. Thankfully for me it doesn't last long.

I can understand you wanting to be at home when it happens. It is hard to be out there in the world during such times.

[paul m]

Hello Jafar. I can appreciate what you are going through. In my past ( and this is my past and may or may not related to your past, present of future) when I was unwell I would space out at times. When I was tying to get better, sometimes I got worse and I really spaced out. I still can't read a book if I'm depressed because I can't remember what I just read. Take Care paul m