Poor judgment leads to wrong choices

[Jafar the wizard]

If bipolar is about mania & depression .. then the last few days were nothing but depression & negative self talk ..
And to make things worse .. I find myself completely lost , anxious & puzzled ..
..
the only thing I'm sure about is the fact that being in such a state of mind is the worst time to make decisions .. because It's hard for me see true colors .. I'm not sure I'm judging things the right way ..

[AJ]

I have the same difficulty making decisions, especially wise ones, when I'm not on an even keel.

[Neli]

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. The fact that you have the insight to know it's no time to make major decisions is very impressive. Usually when I'm low I have no insight into anything.

[Jafar the wizard]

Thanks to you A J & Neli
I need a second opinion & I wish I can ask you for it .. but I lost the ability to express myself .. it is a very annoying feeling when you have so many thoughts racing in your mind & you can't write or talk about them .. I don't even know which one I should choose to start with ..

[Valarie]

Hi my name is Val I am new here. I am reading the posts and cant believe how much we all have in common. Funny thing is most would think when your mind is racing with thoughts you tend to think of some amazing ideas. But acting on them may not be a good idea.

[Jafar the wizard]

Hi Valarie
..
Welcome to the forum ..
I wish to read more posts written by you & anyone new .. we always need to hear things from other people because after long years of struggling with bipolar disorder I realized that sharing experiences with patients helps much more than reading about bipolar in books .. even more than talking to therapists ..

[AJ]

Welcome to the forum Valarie.

[Neli]

How's it going Jafar? Have you been to see about getting your meds tweaked or anything? I'm glad you have this forum for support.

Welcome Valerie! Feel free to write an introduction so we can get to know you a bit. This is a great place to go to for information, support, and inspiration!

[Jafar the wizard]

Hi neli
thank you for asking ..
the answer is no .. I didn't ask my psychiatrist for any change in my doses recently ..
I just need some time .. I guess so .. I'm not sure ..

[paul m]

Hello Jafar. You said: "I find myself completely lost , anxious & puzzled" I can't give you any advice on how to get out of that place, but I can tell you from personal experience that it's a horrible place to be and you have my sympathies. I found the worst part was not knowing when I would be able to find my way again. Doctors never seemed to cover that part. Good Luck find ing your way again. Take Care. paul m
..

[Jafar the wizard]

Thank u Paul ..
I think I'm in a better state ..
At least I can sum it up .. in few lines ..
..
Its all about receiving the REJECTION LETTER from ODSP .. maybe some other problems too but the REJECTION is the major thing now ..
..
I'm anxious .. because I'm worried about my financial situation .. my rent is too high for the social benefits .. and the idea of moving out is killing me ..
..
I'm lost & puzzled .. I haven't sent my appeal request to the social benefit tribune yet .. I'm torn between giving up & start working again .. or send the appeal request and wait ..
Im not sure I'm ready to work now .. it's hard for me to focus & it's very embarrassing to do something clumsy at work .. but on the other hand I need money ..
..
Thats all ..

[Neli]

That's a tough decision to make Jafar. One I don't think you should be making alone right now. Talk it over with your doctor if you can.
All the best,
Neli

[Jafar the wizard]

I think you're right Neli
..
I need to talk to my psychiatrist about it ..
..
Thank you for your nice words .. it means a lot to me in a time like this ..

[paul m]

Hello Jafar. How are you making out? I was reviewing the ODSP appeal procedure for a another person and the final appeal is not heard by ODSP staff but by an independent tribunal that has no connection to ODSP. It's called a social benefits tribunal and the members are appted by the Public Appointments Secretariat and if you click on http://www.sjto.gov.on.ca/en/members/ and/or http://www.sjto.gov.on.ca/sbt/ . you can find out more.

From what I hear they are pretty fair and ODSP often approves a case rather than face them. I don't know if this helps or not. Take Care. paul m

[Jafar the wizard]

Hi Paul
yes I already sent them my papers a week ago by mail
..
my major problem now is financial .. if I stay without a job I'll starve .. if I work there are two possibilities :
first .. I fail & sink in more depression
second .. I manage to keep the job temporarily , lose my social benefits & my chance to get ODSP approval .. then I might lose my job again two months later & oops .. back to square one