Appointment with Social Benefits Tribunal ..

[Jafar the wizard]

Tomorrow is my hearing at the social benefits tribunal .. it's all about rejecting my application for ODSP about a year ago .. I'm appealing the decision .. and I think that's the last chance for me ..

..

I don't want a second chance .. I'm tired of waiting .. and I hate being rejected & rejected & rejected .. for some people that's normal and they can take it .. but for me it's different .. I'm very sensitive to rejection .. and I'd never apply for anything before making sure that the possibility of being approved is high .. not only in government applications .. in almost everything .. including asking a woman for a date ..

it's not only about my mental illness or personality disorder .. it's an attitude I took for almost my whole life ..

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Maybe many people disagree with me .. but I had bad experiences with many small sick individuals who enjoy rejecting others .. it's a sick way to feel better about themselves .. to feel that they are bosses and they have to decide who deserves help and who doesn't .. and I learned how to piss off these sick people .. I never share anything personal with them .. and never ask them for help .. and they don't like that .. and sometimes they say it clearly .. they criticize my attitude and call me a ( stiff upper lipper ) .. but I don't care .. the last thing I want to do is to give them what they want ..

I guess that explains the severe anxiety & depression I've been through for months ..

I hate bosses

I hate judges

I hate being at the mercy of someone else .. and I try to avoid it as mush as I can ..

[paul m]

Hello Jafar. This may reach you too late to help but good luck at the tribunal. In regards to being sensitive to rejection, you are not alone there. I know many people, myself included , who are extremely sensitive to rejection. I don't know if that helps(knowing that you are not alone).

The last really important meeting that I had in regards to my illness I was so worried that I ended up not sleeping for the two days before(or eating, or showering etc). I think it ended up helping as I looked and sounded like a real mess. I don't think that I smelled too good either. I didn't do it intentionally, I just was frozen with fear. Good Luck and Take Care. paul m

[Jafar the wizard]

Good morning Paul
thank you for commenting ..
it's not too late .. I'm inside PEEL & DEFFERIN legal services office .. waiting for my appointment .. it's gonna be an online conference ..
i haven't slept for 36 hours .. and I had a preparing exercise last week .. again I couldn't eat or sleep .. the day after I slept like a baby for 24 hours .. I guess this will happen again tomorrow or this evening ..

[AJ]

I hope all goes well for you Jafar. What an ordeal to have to go thru!

[Jafar the wizard]

Thank you for commenting AJ
Yes it is an ordeal I have to pass ..
ODSP rejection for mentally disabled people is not like when it happens to people with physical impairments .. Of course Its a hard time for both .. but for a mentally disturbed applicant this is DOUBLE DOUBLE ..because rejection means : go & work , lazy idiot .. The mental health issue is now more severe after the rejection than before filling application forms .. you're not back to square one .. You're back to square ( -10 ) .....

[Fighting back]

Hi Jafar,

Well, I know I'm late! Must be day after for you now. Hope things went well

So much truth in your observations. The process of seeking help is so stressful it actually worsens the symptoms.

[Jafar the wizard]

Good morning fighting back

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im feeling a bit better today .. that's because I managed to sleep after the hearing session ..... several naps to be precise .. I can't sleep more than two hours these days .. but then I fall asleep again after a while because of fatigue ..
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youre not late .. there was nothing that could be done yesterday .. i can't tell anything about how because I have no idea how these kind of ODSP decisions are being made .. I don't know they're based on what .. the only thing I can say is as simple as the following :
.
my psychiatrist didn't do his job .. he's describing me as a person who can get better and work if the medication is taken regularly and accurately .. which means : I'm not ( disabled enough to qualify ) ..

[Fighting back]

A little rest is always a good thing Jafar.

I think we all are supposed to get better and work if only we would cooperate. (or so I'm told). I'm enjoying my role as a cranky old guy!

[Jafar the wizard]

Hahahahahahahaha
youre not an old cranky guy .. cranky is the tower crane in THOMAS & FRIENDS

[Jafar the wizard]

One week has passed since I attended my Appointment in PEEL social legal services ..
im feeling better and not very anxious .. whatever will be will be ...
however I have to admit that I feel more optimistic now .. for logical reasons .. I'm not genius but I'm not dumb either .. I can tell when my medical reports and application papers are being checked & taken seriously .. when you receive calls and emails asking you questions .. that makes you feel a bit better even if your application is not approved yet ..
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.. it might take 2 months before receiving an answer .. let's wait and see ..

[paul m]

Hello Jafar. I'm glad to here that you are feeling better. I hate waiting for replies. I hope that the time passes quickly and that you get a positive response. Take Care. paul m

[Jafar the wizard]

Thank you Paul