Hi everyone. I haven't been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder yet, but from what I learned about it in my Abnormal Psychology class, research into Bipolar, and hearing about other people's stories I am 99% sure that I too struggle with Bipolar Disorder. I think I have been showing signs since I was very little, but my family probably just assumed I was just struggling with coping with everything my deadbeat sperm donor did to me, my mom, and my siblings. Maybe at first that's what it was, but I know that from middle school on I have been struggling with Bipolar. I didn't know it at the time I started to figure it out this past December after I finish my abnormal psychology class. But, at that time I still wasn't ready to admit it. I finally admitted it to my best friend in January, I think it was towards the end of the month. It just seems like every since January I have been on autopilot going through the motions, I have been feeling lost, alone, and just like I'm slowly becoming hollow. I don't feel like myself and the more I think about the more I realize that I really haven't been myself in a while. I have wanted to tell my mom or my sister or just anyone in my family so I could get help but everytime I go to tell them something suppresses me. I just sit there screaming on the inside just wanting someone to see the signs, to see I am struggling, and to help me get the help I need. It's like everytime I go to tell someone I lose control of my body and become a passenger in my own body unable to do anything. It scares me so much. I just wish someone would see how much I'm struggling. I haven't gone to school since like January or February so I have to withdraw from all my courses this semester which is messing up my college plan. On top of that I am supposed to be taking this really important exam on the 27th which cost me like $90. But, with everything I have been feeling I just don't have the energy to study for it and the money is non-refundable. So, my life is basically falling around and I feel like there's nothing I can do but stand I'm the middle of it and watch as it slowly falls apart. As I sit here writing this I wonder if I'm just afraid to say it out loud because everyone knows that once you do it becomes real. I just don't know how to stop this and get help.
-
-
Welcome to the forum Sumgirl97.
It's a hard step to take, and I waited until my life was in crisis before I got the help I needed. Your family doctor might be a good place to start. If you haven't had a full checkup in awhile, it's always a good idea to rule out physical issues first. He or she can refer you to a psychiatrist. The wait times can be long. The journey from there can be long and hard, but the results of getting life back on track make it worth it.
AJ
Humans punish themselves endlessly
for not being what they believe they should be.
-Don Miguel Ruiz- -
Hello Sumgirl97and welcome. As AJ has said a full ck up may uncover physical problems. Physical problems can often cause bipolar like symptom,s and or cause the symptoms to be worse. If you have already talked to a family doctor than talking with a psychiatrist would be the next step. Also learning all you can about bipolar can be helpful. Take Care. paul m
"Alone we can do so little;
Together we can do so much"
Helen KellerComment
-
Hi Sumgirl97,
Your story sounds so very familiar to me. My life just crumbled out from beneath me in university. I'd sit in my room for hours not being able to study. I would go to class and take notes that I intended to learn later... but couldn't. My brain just was not functioning. Social interactions were avoided at all costs; I am a shy person by nature, but add my crumbling mental state onto it and I was a social disaster... I would say mean things, stupid things, nonsense things...
I couldn't bring myself to seek help. I guess maybe I didn't think I was worth it, or maybe I didn't think it would truly help. Maybe I was just in denial. Thankfully there was both a doctor and a psychiatrist on campus and I eventually made that first appointment... I actually don't even remember how. I will be totally honest with you... these appointments did not cure me... in fact the combination of therapy and meds only helped some (enough for me to finish my degree, but not with the finesse I once had). I am forever grateful for having made that first step though... it was not the solution, but a vital piece to the puzzle.
Mental health is complex ... make that first step... it is so going to be worth it.
Take care,
Kaight
Comment
-
Thank you for the advice I'm going to try to take that first step this week.Comment
-
Hi Sumgirl97!
When I find myself unable to speak, I write a letter to the person I wish to talk to. It helped me in making highly important things come out.
I suggest you try it if you still can't talk to your family about it.
When my family knew about it, it made everything much easier: I felt understood. I provided them with information about Bipolar II Disorder and they've been very sensitive to my needs, which helps me a lot in not falling into depression again.
I hope this helps!
Comment
Comment