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    Just "off"

    I was undecided whether to put this here or in "Treatment."

    For about the past week I haven't been myself. I'm feeling low, and my appetite is gone. I'm hyperthyroid right now... my doctor's working on it... so not eating is the last thing my body needs! My episode in the fall scared me pretty badly! I haven't had a mania that bad in almost 15 years. I hid most of it from my doctor, because I was scared she'd admit me if I showed her how bad it really was. She probably would have. Even manic, I can usually pull myself together long enough to get through an appointment. I realize that maybe wasn't some of my best decision making! I'm still discovering things I did, and I've found that I have memory gaps. There are stretches of two or three days at a time sprinkled throughout October that are just... missing. This obviously made finals last semester harder than they needed to be, and of course final exams are hard anyway. I'm not proud of my GPA right now, but I manged to scrape through. I'm on pretty high doses of my meds, but I'm worried they're not holding me.

    I was on lithium for... it has to be close to 10 years. I was numb that whole time. I would act appropriate for whatever situation I was in, but I didn't really feel anything. Lately I've been considering asking if I can go back on it. The bloodwork is a royal pain, of course, and I had an episode of toxicity so I don't know if she'll agree. Because of the bipolar I hate my emotions, and they scare me. Every time I let my guard down they bolt with me and bad things happen. I think I'd rather go back to not feeling. I have an appointment next week, and I think I'm going to talk to her about it.
    Pressure makes diamonds....

    #2
    Iím sorry to hear that youíre feeling depressed Gossip. I know it takes some time to sort out thyroid hormone levels, hang in there.

    Ive done the same thing in the docs office holding it all together for the appt. Iíve avoided some hospital stays, but in hindsight, it probably wasnít my best decision.

    I hope you can get the medication sorted out. It sounds like a few adjustments might be in order.
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

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      #3
      Thanks AJ! I know that thyroid levels being off can really affect your mood, too, so I'm trying not to overreact. But I'm not going to deny... I'm worried that this might be something more. We'll see how I feel by my appointment next week.
      Pressure makes diamonds....

      Comment


        #4
        Yes having levels off can certainly play a part. I hope you feel better soon. Keep us posted.
        AJ

        Humans punish themselves endlessly
        for not being what they believe they should be.
        -Don Miguel Ruiz-

        Comment


          #5
          I started feeling a bit better, so I decided to leave the lithium conversation on the back burner for now. I just picked up my thyroid pills. We're changing my dose on the one, and adding something else. Hopefully that'll get things sorted out (I know it's going to take some time for things to kick in) and I can figure out how much that's been playing into my moods before I panic and start changing things. I realise that if we change too many things at once it'll be impossible to tell what worked or didn't work, so I'm trying to be patient with the process.
          Pressure makes diamonds....

          Comment


            #6
            It is hard to be patient but you're right, straightening out the thyroid dose and not changing a bunch of things all at once, makes sense.
            AJ

            Humans punish themselves endlessly
            for not being what they believe they should be.
            -Don Miguel Ruiz-

            Comment


              #7
              Good luck with your changes Gossip. Take Care. paul m
              "Alone we can do so little;
              Together we can do so much"
              Helen Keller

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