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    Stumped

    Hi there!

    I am new to this forum and really needed to reach out. I was diagnosed with Bi-polar about 3 years ago. With that said, I have struggled with my identity, what my interests are, and what I want to do with my career- Which by the way, I had completely lost because I was so sick (un-diagnosed). Ever since my diagnosis I have been struggling to keep a job or even know what I am interested in anymore. Before I was "mentally ill"/didn't really present any major signs of Bi-polar (for all I know), I was on top of my game and offered a partnership for a company straight out of University- I was a high achiever and knew exactly what I wanted. Then fell fast and hard. I'm struggling to pick myself up. I have tried cognitive behavioral and somatic experiencing, obviously i am on medication, I have had a life coach twice, "mentors", I have read what seems like a million self help books/articles....I guess I am just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced confusion like this? Any insights? Am I missing some type of resource?
    Last edited by Choco_Love; October 7th, 2019, 01:01 PM.

    #2
    Choco_Love I just wanted to welcome you to the forum.

    When I first got sick, I remember feeling just as lost. It took quite awhile but I did finally chart a new course in life.
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

    Comment


      #3
      Hello Choco Love. Both prior to and after I was diagnosed I was extremely confused. It took a lot of self education for me to finally figure out what was wrong and how to correctly it. Forums , peer support groups and some books were helpful. I also needed a decent psychiatrist. Take Care. paul m
      "Alone we can do so little;
      Together we can do so much"
      Helen Keller

      Comment


        #4
        Hi Choco_love

        i currently have no identity entity and know exactly how you feel. I think. I had my first manic four years ago and was diagnosed three years ago. So from everything ive read that’s still considered a newbie. I’ve never felt more confused than I do right now. This post isn’t going to help you in any way but just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.

        Comment


          #5
          Hi Choco Love.

          Your post was interesting to me because I really relate to it. I used to be a very driven young woman who was always busy with work, recreation and family. After my manic episodes (2) and my diagnoses in August of 2018, I'm lucky to be able to go to work and come home.

          Have you kept some of your situation constant. For example, the people you spend the most time with, have you kept those people consistently the same? Do you do the same activities as you used to do? If you don't, try to remember the activities that you used to do and try to get involved with them one by one again.

          I am often sad and often feel that I don't have my identity but the people I love that I surround myself with remind me of who I am again. And it's important to keep those activities that light you up, present in your life. I've kept up with writing, reading and dancing and I try to fill my time doing that on top of my work schedule.

          You mentioned not knowing who you are and having that impact your work because you no longer know what your skills are, have you tried career counseling before? I recommend a book called The Pathfinder by Nicholas Lore. This book has changed my life. It led me to the most rewarding jobs that I've had so far by analyzing your personality, temperament, skills and interests and fitting that to several jobs that would be suitable to you. The book is about $25.00 CAD I think.

          Anyway, I look forward to hearing from you again and seeing if you've made any progress with your experience with loss of your identity. I'm sure it's still in there deep down.

          Comment


            #6
            Thank you all for your responses. It really does make me feel a little better knowing I am not alone in this...This confusion just adds to my horrible cycle of self doubt and negative self talk. It's such an embarrassment to me because it is so noticeable to other people that I am confused about life.

            and I have been able to keep my some of my daily routines as consistent as possible. I have my dog and family is somewhat supportive, however, given the location I am in (a small town) because I had to come here to get help and support from my family, I am just not finding "my people". I am a very creative, out of the box thinker, and a big city person. I am finding it really hard to relate to people, even though the people I have met are wonderful. . Thus, I feel quite lonely. I am trying to move, its just a matter of "finding" a job in a city again- which is my problem!

            I have tried career counseling, life coaching and have done a similar type of personality/skills analysis.

            I guess I am just so frustrated because I am used to being successful and having a good set of skill sets and talents which has completely changed.

            However, on the bright side- I was speaking with my therapist the other day and we were discussing something similar and she said something that FINALLY/ACTUALLY clicked in my head and that was "just go with and embrace the chaos". It made me feel a little better because it took a lot of the pressure off of me to be/seek the perfection I am looking for in myself. Also, who knows that I might discover about myself or stumble across if I just go with it! I dunno, it's a different perspective and take on the whole thing. I am feeling more optimistic at the moment.

            Thank you everyone for your responses. It's so nice to not feel so lonely!

            Comment


              #7
              I found the change from city life to country life to be a huge change. I'm also not working now so that puts a whole different spin on things. Thank you for sharing "just go with and embrace the chaos".
              AJ

              Humans punish themselves endlessly
              for not being what they believe they should be.
              -Don Miguel Ruiz-

              Comment


                #8
                Yeah it certainly has been quite an adjustment. I mean don't get me wrong I am so thankful that I have the support of my family, but there is a definite adjustment period for sure. I am "unemployed" too and just helping my family with some work for them with their business, which is a great opportunity given my circumstances. And Yes, just going with the chaos right now has certainly taken a lot of pressure off of me!

                Comment


                  #9
                  It's not surprising you are struggling with your identity and identifying your interests given the diagnosis that has been assigned to you. As illuminating and validating as a diagnosis is (I speak for myself, of course), it is very important to separate your personality, your identity, your lived experience from the mental illness. The fact that you could offer a partnership to a company right out of university attests to your talent and skill. Conversely, job losses can destroy your self-esteem and self confidence (I speak for myself, that is why I developed my own business, albeit that I can no longer sustain anymore; entrepreneurship is overrated and not suitable for all people with disabilities). It's not uncommon to have two or three careers in a lifetime; your next one may very well be shaped by your experience with bipolar disorder in one way or another.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    How are you doing Choco_Love?
                    AJ

                    Humans punish themselves endlessly
                    for not being what they believe they should be.
                    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Hi Lady in Blue & AJ,

                      Thank you for your messages!

                      I definitely agree that my job prospects are much more different and shaped by my bi-polar. It did take me a while to understand and accept this for sure! Job losses have also put a huge dent in my self -esteem/worth and have also caused some embarrassment. But, I have also in some ways discovered that with the Bi-Polar I do see the world in my own way (which I have found wayyyy different than the average non-bipolor person), this has really shaped and added to the creative aspects of my job as well as problem solving. So in a way, I am really trying to stay positive and see it in a way as a "gift" (for lack of a better word).

                      I am doing much better right now and am definitely much more positive, stable, and not going through an depression/mania...which is a nice change...but this in my experience doesn't last too long.

                      In terms of my identity confusion, when I feel more stable I think I know and see more of myself and who I am as a person. Like the vision is much more clear-ish...but then I am afraid that i am just putting on another "hat" of a personality I am trying to maybe fit or discover as being me. Sometimes, I don't know what the truth is anymore. But as I mentioned in a previous post, I am just going to embrace the chaos so I can at least in some enjoy life and be positive.

                      Thank you all for your messages and checking in with me. I really appreciate your thoughts, honesty and experiences. Its so fulfilling and helpful to know I am not in this alone.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I'm glad to hear you are doing much better Choco_Love.
                        AJ

                        Humans punish themselves endlessly
                        for not being what they believe they should be.
                        -Don Miguel Ruiz-

                        Comment

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