I apologize ahead of time that this is so long. Hopefully, someone will be able to read it regardless of the length. I've posted here before so this is sort of an update of sorts.
Me: 30 year old female
I've always felt things strongly. As a teenager I was irritable and my rage would often lead to outbursts. I was also very creative and passionate and prone to depression and anxiety. At 16, I tried prozac for a few months and it didn't work so I stopped using it and was unmedicated for a long time. At 19 and 20, I went through a phase that at the time seemed to me to just be college rebellion. Looking back on it now I'm not so certain. I would stay up all night and get very little sleep over several days. I would party like crazy during those times, put myself in dangerous situations, and have risky ***. I also shoplifted small things a couple of times (scarves, lotion, etc.) just for the thrill of it. I managed to get through this time without ruining my health or getting a criminal record. I graduated with my BA and then went into my MA program. Everything was good for a long time. I met my wife and we purchased a house. I got into a PhD program and that's when the issues came back around the age of 25 - 26. I had a depressive episode. So, I went to see my GP and she prescribed prozac again. 20mg did nothing. I raised it to 40mg and just became more emotional and had side effects like night sweats and lack of *** drive so I tapered off. The depressive episode went away by itself. Then, I became a rockstar at work. My productivity was amazing. I picked up two extra courses, joined a bunch of committees, organized big events, published some of my short stories, etc. My reviews were so good that I got an early tenure promise at the age of 29. However, some colleagues and family became concerned that I was taking on too much and would burn myself out. That same summer, I started to lose my productive streak. I started feeling heavy. It happened out of the blue and for no reason. I thought it would go away on its own but soon I felt empty and hopeless. I was barely able to muster the energy to get down the stairs or eat. I ate mostly applesauce because it was easy. Going to the grocery store was a nightmare. At the same time I'd have these instances of rage building up inside of me. One day it all became too much and I started to make a suicide plan and that's when I got myself to a walk-in clinic because I realized it wasn't ok.
The doctor at the clinic said I was depressed and prescribed Celexa (SSRI) at 5mg to be titrated up to 20mg over the course of a few weeks. Well, on days 3 - 5 of such a low dose of Celexa, it felt as though my depression magically vanished. Everything around me was beautiful. I remember being out at a restaurant with my wife and looking at the ice in my glass of water and feeling awed at just how beautiful it was when the light hit the ice. I remember saying to my wife that I'd never felt so happy. I had energy again. My anxiety vanished and I wanted to go out and do things and talk to people. I felt productive and able to write again and create a budget for my monthly spending. I also had a high *** drive. I posted about it online and someone mentioned that I might be hypomanic. I had no idea what that was so I looked it up and swore I wasn't. I didn't feel impulsive or delusional. I just felt like everything was beautiful and wonderful. What's so bad about that? I went to bed that night around 12:30am and woke up at 3:00am with racing thoughts and proceeded to have a massive panic attack. I woke my wife up and said something wasn't right and she needed to take me to the hospital.
So, we go to the ER. I explained everything. I explained how, after the panic attack, I wasn't tired and felt like I could stay up. The doctor said that I was having a hypomanic episode and that I'm likely bipolar. She took me off the Celexa and prescribed 50mg of seroquel to titrate up to 300mg. Well, the 50mg in the ER put me to sleep but I was barely functional the next day. Completely out of it. I called my family doctor and made an appointment. When I went in to see her, she said I couldn't possibly be bipolar because I've never had full-blown mania. She took me off the seroquel and put me back on Celexa. I titrated up to 20mg and was emotional for awhile but eventually levelled out. I felt nice and normal for about a month. Then, I started to feel anxious, irritable, and depressed. So, I went back and she bumped my Celexa dosage to 30mg. All hell broke loose.
I started to feel completely insane. Sometimes, I'd wake up elated and full of energy. I wanted to clean the house. I wanted to go shopping. I wanted to go out dancing. Then, it would turn to irritability in the same day and I'd end up snapping at people over small things. Sometimes, the elation would last a few days and sometimes it would turn into this gnawing, uncomfortably anxious energy. Other days, I'd be so devoid of energy that I just laid on the floor in the dining room and cried. I told myself I'd make an appointment to establish with a psychiatrist AFTER the semester ends so that possible medication changes don't impact my work performance. But, it kept building and building. I hadn't felt normal in weeks. I went back to the ER. A doctor there said I'm maybe on the bipolar spectrum but she doesn't think I need mood stabilizers. She told me to start Lexapro (another SSRI) instead. I didn't do it because Celexa was hard enough to start. I didn't want to start another SSRI. Finally, the other night, I had a terribly anxious day and so I came home from work and had a glass of wine. Then another. Then another. I ended up cutting into my thigh (shallow cut) on the bathroom floor and then sobbing into my wife's arms for an hour. She convinced me to go see a doctor the next day. So, back I went to the walk-in clinic.
I explained everything to the doctor and he said I can't possibly be bipolar because mania and depression in bipolar last months and if my moods are switching every few days or multiple times a day, it's probably just anxiety. He did tell me I could take 25mg of seroquel a night to sleep and then gave me an asap referral to a psychiatrist for anxiety. Honestly, I've been anxious before and this didn't feel like just anxiety but I was happy for the psych referral. I finally bit the bullet and took my first 25mg dose of seroquel.
Guys. I wasn't expecting much. However, 25mg was enough to get me to sleep 8 hours and wake up feeling rested. In addition, my moods have stopped shifting so dramatically. I still feel moments of excitement and irritation but they are super subdued compared to before. I'm not feeling suicidal or overwhelmed and my racing thoughts have stopped. However, I've asked people and they all swear that such a low dose of seroquel is nothing more than a potent benadryl. How can this be? I've found a 2010 and 2011 study showing that low dose (25 - 75mg) seroquel has been shown to beneficial for patients with cyclothymia and mild bipolar. Is ANYONE on this low of a dose for mood stabilization? Even my wife has remarked that I seem a lot better since starting it. So, my questions;
1. Is it possible that I have a bipolar spectrum disorder? I keep hearing different things from different physicians as you can see above. Of course, he psychiatrist has final say but could this just be mere anxiety and nothing else?
2. Is such a low dose of benadryl going to cause tardive dyskenesia or diabetes if I stay on it long term? I doubt it will cause weight gain because it has actually lowered my appetite a lot. I just don't have as much of an interest in food as I used to. Am I doing more harm to myself than good? Is it possible this is just a placebo effect?
3. Is anyone else maintained on an SSRI and very low-dose antipsychotic?
Me: 30 year old female
I've always felt things strongly. As a teenager I was irritable and my rage would often lead to outbursts. I was also very creative and passionate and prone to depression and anxiety. At 16, I tried prozac for a few months and it didn't work so I stopped using it and was unmedicated for a long time. At 19 and 20, I went through a phase that at the time seemed to me to just be college rebellion. Looking back on it now I'm not so certain. I would stay up all night and get very little sleep over several days. I would party like crazy during those times, put myself in dangerous situations, and have risky ***. I also shoplifted small things a couple of times (scarves, lotion, etc.) just for the thrill of it. I managed to get through this time without ruining my health or getting a criminal record. I graduated with my BA and then went into my MA program. Everything was good for a long time. I met my wife and we purchased a house. I got into a PhD program and that's when the issues came back around the age of 25 - 26. I had a depressive episode. So, I went to see my GP and she prescribed prozac again. 20mg did nothing. I raised it to 40mg and just became more emotional and had side effects like night sweats and lack of *** drive so I tapered off. The depressive episode went away by itself. Then, I became a rockstar at work. My productivity was amazing. I picked up two extra courses, joined a bunch of committees, organized big events, published some of my short stories, etc. My reviews were so good that I got an early tenure promise at the age of 29. However, some colleagues and family became concerned that I was taking on too much and would burn myself out. That same summer, I started to lose my productive streak. I started feeling heavy. It happened out of the blue and for no reason. I thought it would go away on its own but soon I felt empty and hopeless. I was barely able to muster the energy to get down the stairs or eat. I ate mostly applesauce because it was easy. Going to the grocery store was a nightmare. At the same time I'd have these instances of rage building up inside of me. One day it all became too much and I started to make a suicide plan and that's when I got myself to a walk-in clinic because I realized it wasn't ok.
The doctor at the clinic said I was depressed and prescribed Celexa (SSRI) at 5mg to be titrated up to 20mg over the course of a few weeks. Well, on days 3 - 5 of such a low dose of Celexa, it felt as though my depression magically vanished. Everything around me was beautiful. I remember being out at a restaurant with my wife and looking at the ice in my glass of water and feeling awed at just how beautiful it was when the light hit the ice. I remember saying to my wife that I'd never felt so happy. I had energy again. My anxiety vanished and I wanted to go out and do things and talk to people. I felt productive and able to write again and create a budget for my monthly spending. I also had a high *** drive. I posted about it online and someone mentioned that I might be hypomanic. I had no idea what that was so I looked it up and swore I wasn't. I didn't feel impulsive or delusional. I just felt like everything was beautiful and wonderful. What's so bad about that? I went to bed that night around 12:30am and woke up at 3:00am with racing thoughts and proceeded to have a massive panic attack. I woke my wife up and said something wasn't right and she needed to take me to the hospital.
So, we go to the ER. I explained everything. I explained how, after the panic attack, I wasn't tired and felt like I could stay up. The doctor said that I was having a hypomanic episode and that I'm likely bipolar. She took me off the Celexa and prescribed 50mg of seroquel to titrate up to 300mg. Well, the 50mg in the ER put me to sleep but I was barely functional the next day. Completely out of it. I called my family doctor and made an appointment. When I went in to see her, she said I couldn't possibly be bipolar because I've never had full-blown mania. She took me off the seroquel and put me back on Celexa. I titrated up to 20mg and was emotional for awhile but eventually levelled out. I felt nice and normal for about a month. Then, I started to feel anxious, irritable, and depressed. So, I went back and she bumped my Celexa dosage to 30mg. All hell broke loose.
I started to feel completely insane. Sometimes, I'd wake up elated and full of energy. I wanted to clean the house. I wanted to go shopping. I wanted to go out dancing. Then, it would turn to irritability in the same day and I'd end up snapping at people over small things. Sometimes, the elation would last a few days and sometimes it would turn into this gnawing, uncomfortably anxious energy. Other days, I'd be so devoid of energy that I just laid on the floor in the dining room and cried. I told myself I'd make an appointment to establish with a psychiatrist AFTER the semester ends so that possible medication changes don't impact my work performance. But, it kept building and building. I hadn't felt normal in weeks. I went back to the ER. A doctor there said I'm maybe on the bipolar spectrum but she doesn't think I need mood stabilizers. She told me to start Lexapro (another SSRI) instead. I didn't do it because Celexa was hard enough to start. I didn't want to start another SSRI. Finally, the other night, I had a terribly anxious day and so I came home from work and had a glass of wine. Then another. Then another. I ended up cutting into my thigh (shallow cut) on the bathroom floor and then sobbing into my wife's arms for an hour. She convinced me to go see a doctor the next day. So, back I went to the walk-in clinic.
I explained everything to the doctor and he said I can't possibly be bipolar because mania and depression in bipolar last months and if my moods are switching every few days or multiple times a day, it's probably just anxiety. He did tell me I could take 25mg of seroquel a night to sleep and then gave me an asap referral to a psychiatrist for anxiety. Honestly, I've been anxious before and this didn't feel like just anxiety but I was happy for the psych referral. I finally bit the bullet and took my first 25mg dose of seroquel.
Guys. I wasn't expecting much. However, 25mg was enough to get me to sleep 8 hours and wake up feeling rested. In addition, my moods have stopped shifting so dramatically. I still feel moments of excitement and irritation but they are super subdued compared to before. I'm not feeling suicidal or overwhelmed and my racing thoughts have stopped. However, I've asked people and they all swear that such a low dose of seroquel is nothing more than a potent benadryl. How can this be? I've found a 2010 and 2011 study showing that low dose (25 - 75mg) seroquel has been shown to beneficial for patients with cyclothymia and mild bipolar. Is ANYONE on this low of a dose for mood stabilization? Even my wife has remarked that I seem a lot better since starting it. So, my questions;
1. Is it possible that I have a bipolar spectrum disorder? I keep hearing different things from different physicians as you can see above. Of course, he psychiatrist has final say but could this just be mere anxiety and nothing else?
2. Is such a low dose of benadryl going to cause tardive dyskenesia or diabetes if I stay on it long term? I doubt it will cause weight gain because it has actually lowered my appetite a lot. I just don't have as much of an interest in food as I used to. Am I doing more harm to myself than good? Is it possible this is just a placebo effect?
3. Is anyone else maintained on an SSRI and very low-dose antipsychotic?
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