Asking for help is not as easy as it seems

[Jafar the wizard]

I hate asking for help .. and I hate to talk about it or even to think about it .. because this will always lead to other racing thoughts and unpleasant topics :
Sensitivity to rejection
Pessimism
Low self esteem
Irrational need for feeling independent
Lack of trust in others
And last but not least : anxiety and depression ..
Is this a problem ? .. yes it is .. it impedes my ability to progress in life ..
Maybe it's more about my personality .. Can't blame it on my mental issues ..

[uni]

Hello Jafar. You are singing my song.

I especially relate to the irrational need for feeling independent. My mood was getting bad over the last week or so. Finally yesterday I went to the local walk-in mental health clinic. After half an hour with a counselor I got some perspective, had a good cry (much needed for release) and lined up another appointment. Sometimes a depressive episode just comes along and wants to settle in. It's totally awful while it lasts. I do feel somewhat better today and am hoping that's a good sign.

Sometimes it really does help to ask for help. I know there aren't any guarantees, but the question becomes "How long do I want to carry this alone?"

I wish you well.

[Jafar the wizard]

Hi Uni .. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week .. I don't expect him to give me more than 5 minutes of his time .. his job is to make sure that I'm still alive and to contact the pharmacy for a refill of my regular prescription ..
He thinks I'm a reasonable man .. a smart patient who doesn't need a lot of help .. and he likes that ..
He's right .. I've been playing my role in this big theater called ( social life ) for several years now .. People think I'm a very nice healthy person and do not expect any complain from me .. I'm very good in isolating myself when I'm depressed and I usually avoid bothering other people ..
The last time I mentioned that I'm on ODSP in front of someone I know the response was : " really ? .. you don't look like someone who's on ODSP "

[uni]

Hello Jafar. I'm glad you'll be seeing your psychiatrist soon. Five minutes isn't much though, is it? Still, better than no appointment, I suppose. Do you think he'd give you more time if you asked for it, or would that even be of any help?

Isn't it amazing how we can appear to be functioning completely fine when we're not fine at all?

Like you, I often avoid interacting with people when I'm depressed, partly for my own sake, and partly not to bother them, like you said. It depends on the circumstances, and on who the people are. I have a few close friends who are okay with my down times. My family, not so much.

I can't help but wonder, what do people think "someone who's on ODSP" is supposed to look like??! I'll chalk it up to ignorance, I guess.

[Jafar the wizard]

ODSP is for ( disabled ) individuals .. physical disabilities are easier to notice and less sensitive to talk about .. but mental disabilities are not ..

[Hazelcat]

I hate asking for help .. and I hate to talk about it or even to think about it .. because this will always lead to other racing thoughts and unpleasant topics :
Sensitivity to rejection
Pessimism
Low self esteem
Irrational need for feeling independent
Lack of trust in others
And last but not least : anxiety and depression ..
Is this a problem ? .. yes it is .. it impedes my ability to progress in life ..
Maybe it's more about my personality .. Can't blame it on my mental issues ..

I'm sorry you find it hard to ask for help. Please keep reaching out. My psychiatrist retired and I got a new one but it's far harder to see him and the appointments are ridiculously short. But he did get me into some classes through the local mental health department (starting with an introductory "stress reduction" class that is CBT based, and apparently there are other classes you can take afterwards). Maybe your psychiatrist could recommend something like that. If there's a mood disorders association in your province, they usually offer support groups too.

There is no particular "look" of someone on disability, and many disabilities (including physical ones) are invisible. Some people may just be curious, but some are judgmental and so when I was on disability (through my employer) I didn't usually reveal it.

[Jafar the wizard]

Hi Hazelcat .. yes I'm trying to find some help ..

[Jafar the wizard]

Sometimes the word ( help ) is not only related to mental issues .. when I move from one address to another I might need help .. when I file my taxes I need help from an accountant .. if I apply for a passport I need a guarantor .. when I apply for a job I need a reference .. etc
Personally , I have a problem asking for help in general .. maybe I'm too sensitive to rejection .. especially when I'm asking for free services ..

[Hazelcat]

Sometimes the word ( help ) is not only related to mental issues .. when I move from one address to another I might need help .. when I file my taxes I need help from an accountant .. if I apply for a passport I need a guarantor .. when I apply for a job I need a reference .. etc
Personally , I have a problem asking for help in general .. maybe I'm too sensitive to rejection .. especially when I'm asking for free services ..

Well sadly the reality is that some people may treat you poorly when you ask for free services (my husband has a physical disability and has been treated poorly at times when he asked for help, like once a woman shamed him at the EI office when he asked for computer help). But nobody's uninformed opinion matters at all. The best thing is to perhaps advocate for ourselves the way we would advocate for a loved person like a family member or close friend.

[Jafar the wizard]

" a woman shamed him in EI office because he asked for computer help "
..
Reading this makes me feel sad ..
Witnessing it would make me feel both sad and angry ..

[Hazelcat]

" a woman shamed him in EI office because he asked for computer help "
..
Reading this makes me feel sad ..
Witnessing it would make me feel both sad and angry ..

Thank you. It was several years ago. My husband's disability is invisible, so even though he said he had a disability, the staff person either didn't believe him or didn't have compassion. It is indeed sad that some people behave like that, but I feel like it's important to share those experiences so that others are forewarned (to realize if someone acts like that towards you, it's not your fault - it's a deficiency in the person who shows the behaviour).