Bipolar disorder and my social life

[Jafar the wizard]

I've already published about my life with bipolar disorder and how I felt about myself very early when I was a kid or a young man ..
But the more important question is : How do I feel about it right now at the end of 2024 ? .. and I'm 57 now ..
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In brief , bipolar disorder ( or whatever else you want to call it ) is a roommate living with me at home and keeps in good company with me when I go outside .. it's neither a welcomed company nor a wanted roommate .. but I've chosen to accept this as an unpleasant fact since more than a decade ago .. because I know already there's no cure for this .. I have to accept it ..
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I'm not pretending that everything's good .. it's just real .. and living in REALITY is still better than living in DENIAL ..
It's as simple as this .. it's hard but it's harder to ignore it ..
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It's very obvious that I'm a person who's living in depression and anxiety inside .. but yet , people still ask me to join them in social activities .. and I think that's because they like my company .. I just choose to keep things normal outside as much as I can .. and if it's hard to do so I choose to isolate myself and refrain from socializing even if I feel welcomed .. it's better this way ..
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I'm welcome .. but my ( roommate bipolar ) is definitely not .. and whenever I feel that this roommate's presence is invisible to others then I'm OK with that .. whenever its presence is visible then that's a big NO .. stay at home and it's better to be safe than sorry ..
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I wish everybody a Merry Christmas and a happy new year ..

[RunningKnitter]

Hello Jafar,

Thank you for sharing! It sounds like you have found some ways to have some peace with your 'roommate' and I am sure others will benefit from reading about your perspective!

Happy holidays to you as well!

[uni]

Hello Jafar. Thanks so much for your post. I agree it's better to live with the reality of mental illness, rather than deny it, because if it's there, it's there, and that's the fact of the matter. Trying to ignore it seems to take more energy than acknowledging its presence.

I love how you describe bipolar illness as a roommate, as someone who hangs around with you even when they aren't wanted. I don't have bipolar, but I think of my recurring depression in a similar way.

I once went to a therapy group that used a related idea to your roommate analogy. We were asked to visualize our illness as something small that stays in one corner of our body (pick a spot - I picked my tummy) and just sort of rides around with us everywhere we go. Having taken up residence, it insists on keeping you company, whether it's acting up or not. At first I didn't like the idea of giving the illness even that much space, but now I find it works better than fighting constantly to "keep it down". It's actually less stressful to let it be, and address its disruptive antics as and when needed.

It sounds like you've found a way to deal with socializing that works for you. I think that's great, and I can benefit from taking a leaf out of your book. Thank you for reminding me that although it's nice to be welcomed, it's okay to decline the invitation. The people who like us will still like us.

There's a part of me, though, that doesn't see why I should have to avoid social stuff just because I happen to have depression. That part of me wants to be accepted, depression and all. Unfortunately, that's not how it works in the social arena. So I struggle with letting go of "the way I wish things were" and accepting the way things are. I do step back, not go to events, avoid certain people and activities, etc. but sometimes I hold resentment at having to do so. And I know resentment is sort of like a poison if you have too much of it in your system. I realize I'm sort of stubborn sometimes

But when I do accept the reality that I'm welcome at the party but my illness isn't, things generally work out better. I have a few people who will put up with the presence of my roommate to some extent, and for that I am grateful. But even they are human, so I try not to let my roommate get too outspoken around them.

These roommates of ours have a way of turning people off, don't they

I too wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year

[Jafar the wizard]

Good afternoon, Uni ..
it's always good to hear from you ..
I'm glad that you can relate to my social life experiences ..
I never thought of using my Tommy as an MDBR ( Mood Disorder Built-in Representative ) but I'll consider it .. it sounds like an interesting concept
Wish you a wonderful holiday season ..