Emotional Roller Coaster Ride

[Andie]

Hello, I am new to this forum but have had depression, anxiety and a personality disorder for several years. Even though I am taking ability, alertec, wellbutrin, pristiq, and vitamin d I still feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. Since I started taking the meds I will admit that some days are better than others but there are still a lot of down days. Does anyone else feel this way?

[AJ]

Welcome to the forum Andie. I can relate to your emotional roller coaster ride, and I'm sure most if not all who come to these forums can relate also.

[paul m]

Hello Andie and welcome. I know what that roller coaster of life can feel like and while I was getting better it was very difficult to get used to. However eventually, after I got my medication mix correct, I did feel better and the roller coaster ride slowed up considerably. It also took my brain a while to heal and that also affected my roller coaster ride.

In regards to medications, I always found it best that I learn everything I could about the medications that I took including how well they react together. One website I use a lot is Drugs.com at http://www.drugs.com/ and especially their interaction checker that helps explain how each medication may react with another one http://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html.

I hope that you feel better soon, in the meantime, please don't hesitate to ask questions on here, answer other people's questions and/or use the forum to vent out a few of life's frustrations. Take Care. paul m

[jamesb59]

Hi Andie,
I feel that way most of the time and the only reprieves I have is when I am in the serenity of the mountains here in Alberta. The meds help me with sleeping mostly combined with my little dog I am able to manage the day. Some days it is strictly will power.

[Andie]

Thank you everyone for your supportive replies. It helps to know I am not the only one feeling this way.

[Andie]

Hi Jamesb59

Thank you for your reply. The mountains sound like a wonderful reprieve. What kind of little dog do you have? I have a dachshund and a chiweenie. Sometimes I don't think I will make it through the day without them.

[Andie]

Hi Paul M. Thank you for the kind words of welcome and for the link. I agree it is important to know about the meds you are taking.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

[Andie]

Hi AJ. Thanks for the reply and for understanding.

[suzieq]

Paul, do you mind if I ask what medications you are on? I am currently taking Zoloft, seroquel and some pregabalin. I did try cipralax, which was awful for me, tried to go back on paxil, was on remeron .. that is why I am trying to stick with the Zoloft because I don't think I can go through changing. Ofcoursei have clonazepam as well. Most of my problem is with anxiety. Again, thank you for the information. S

[paul m]

Hello Susieq. Anyone can ask me anything they like, I may just not answer LOL. Just kidding, my life is a pretty open book and I don't mind answering almost any question.

In regards to what meds do I take. Primarily I take lithium and tegretol everyday, and a lot of days I use some lorazepam, once in a long while I use some seroquel and about once ever other yr I use wellbutrin for about 6 weeks to spring board me out of depression. I can't take antidepressants on a continual basis as they will always make me manic eventually. About 30% of the people who have bipolar have this problem and sometimes the docs are a little slow catching on. I take the wellbutrin because I can start and/or end taking it quickly and without problems.

In regards to changing meds, I hate doing that too. However I hated feeling awful even more and I eventually found what worked well enough so that I can enjoy life on most days.

Anxiety causes a lot of people major problems and unfortunately a lot of docs don't do a good job of explaining it well and/or the causes and possible cures. The following isn't something that you can easily look up and is really just how I see things and a doctor may differ. Also, I may generalize and I know that what I say doesn't apply to everyone or every doctor. For anyone reading this, please understand that I do believe in medications where indicated and I myself take them. Nor do I think that anyone isn't trying hard enough. It's very hard to try hard for some of us to get better and I know that first hand. I was lucky in a lot of regards. I was a slow learner and I had some lousy medical advice at times, but I do enjoy life now and that just won't happen to everyone, unfortunately.

Anxiety is quite often a learned behaviour. Very few people are born anxious. What has been learned can often be unlearned or modified. We tend to develop anxiety because of our illness, our habits and/or our environment. The more times we are anxious, the more times we will suffer from anxiety. That's not a criticism. Definitely some people are more susceptible to it and that is certainly not our fault.

In general doctors do a lousy job of explain anxiety, it's causes and it's possible treatments. Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. Depression can cause major problems with anxiety and I've certainly worried myself (been overly anxious about things) into a major depression. Unfortunately most people get handed a prescription and told try this. I don't know why this is or why gov'ts and insurance companies tend to pay for yrs for prescriptions, when Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or similar courses work much better on average and in the long run are much cheaper without the side effects of large dose of medications.

CBT may not cure a person's anxiety and/or depression, but in mild case it usually does and in severe cases it often helps reduce the symptoms, the frequency of occurrence and the amount of medication that someone must take.

In general a lot of people are like myself, they tend to either feel guilty because of failing to be as fault free as they would like ( ie. I should be able to battle this illness myself or without meds) or I can also get bitter about things and feel slighted in life because I have a damn mental illness or in general just feel lousy. Neither emotion is conductive to getting better and/or keeping better.

It was pretty hard for me to get better when the last thing I did at night was worrying about whether I would get anything done the next day and the first thing I worried about in the morning was could I even get out of bed, much less face the world. Then I would worry all day about what I wasn't doing and/or feeling guilty because I was letting people down or I wasn't doing my best. It was a vicious cycle of depression/anxiety and guilt. In reality I was doing my best, I just had a serious illness that was hard to combat. Learning how to change my thought patterns and my perception of myself certainly helped.

The premise behind CBT, DBT,WRAP, MAP and host of other courses is to change our negative thinking by learning new ways to think and process information. That takes work and is very tough to do by ones self and even when successful doesn't mean that I can throw away my medicine bottle, but I certainly don't take what I used to take and I feel a lot better.

I've sort of got up on my soap box here, but over the yrs I've suffered a lot and I've watched other people suffer a lot because nobody (as in the Gov't/doctors/insurance companies) has ever taken the time to explain all of the ways to get better. While we do try here, an online forum is not the most efficient method to teach someone who is suffering a serious illness about how to get well. Anyways, I've now vented and thx everybody for listening to me and I hope that if anyone is still reading that I haven't hindered them in any way. Take Care. paul m P.S. CBT course etc can be difficult/impossible to take when we are really unwell, but it is my opinion that if I had been given a decent explaination about possible getting better options, I might have had a bit more hope and not felt as lost for as long.

[suzieq]

Paul, thank you so much for the detailed message. I can relate to a lot of the things you have said, especially when it comes to doctors, including psychiatrist which I saw on a sort term basis. He would say things like, 'you shouldn't have that reaction to this medication .. etch very frustrating, or another one said 'what do you want me to do now' ... when they are the doctors .. that is why I was there! Anyway, my family Dr. Who focuses on mental health at least listens. Suzieq

[paul m]

Hello Susieq. Thx for the thx. In regards to docs saying "you shouldn't have that reaction to this medication .. etc". and 'what do you want me to do now' . I always hated those sayings too. As you said, whose the doctor in the room.

A couple of my favourites are: " none of my other patients have that side effect" or " Let's try it for another little while, it works really well for the rest of my patients" . I have found that A) a lot of docs don't even know what side effects their patients are suffering from and B) I don't care if the med only has a one in 10,000 chance of causing that side effect, if Ive got it, it's important and C) if it hasn't worked for me in 3 mths at maximum dose, it ain't ever going to work and I ain't trying it any longer.

Of course I'm a little slow LOL. I still haven't figured out why every doctor, psychiatrist, dentist etc doesn't have a computer sitting on their desk to look up what they don't know or have forgotten. Every pharmacist has a computer that automatically flags major side effects(minor ones too for that matter) or incompatible medications. Take Care. paul m