Losing your pet.

[Fighting back]

Well, once again I am on the road for a few weeks and I am hearing the tales of our doggie's adventures from my wife. Seems like the daily routine of a car ride and a mile or so of walking is turning to more ride and less walk. She seems to tire more easily and too much exercise leads to pain. She has a regular injection which is supposed to help her joints and it seems to help. She has become somewhat incontinent and this development has us pondering if there is such a thing as doggie diapers. She is somewhat more irritable and occasionally will do things which are out of character. For example, the other day she snatched a sausage off the kitchen table, something she has never done in the past and instead of devouring such an ill gotten treat, she simply dropped it on the floor.

I had much more written here, but I got tripped up by that image verification bug that seems to have come with the new forum, so I'll keep it brief.

Thanks for asking about our dog AJ. Thinking of you and offering my best wishes.

[AJ]

Hi Fighting Back. My dog had what they call degenerative myelopathy http://www.veterinarypartner.com/Con...S=0&C=0&A=2600 It started out with scraping the back toenails on the ground when walking. Then it progressed to more profound hind leg muscle weakness, She fatigued easily, our walks were around the block in the end. After that she started to become incontinent. It's unfortunately a disease that older German Shepherds get. I'm not a vet and I don't know what the cause of your dog's symptoms are, I just thought I'd share my experience.

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[paul m]

Hello Eveyone. Bad month for pets. I went to the vet this afternoon with what I thought was a moderately ill 8 yr old cat. Turns out something internal went wrong and the vet said that it would cost $1000 just to find out for sure and in his experience she probably wouldn't survive a mth no matter how much additional money we put in and she would suffer the whole time. So I too had to say good by to another pet. It never seems to get easier. Thx for listening. Take Care. paul m

[catman]

So sorry about your loss, Paul. It's such an incredibly hard thing to do. I believe I read something from Eckhart Tolle about the opposite of death being birth - not life, as life never dies. You notice this truly when the physical entity of something or someone passes. Their physical form is no longer present, but their soul lives on - through your thoughts and memories, your emotions, and that warmth you feel when you remember the love you shared. Again, very sorry for your loss. We're all here supporting you!

[AJ]

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat Paul.

[Fighting back]

Yes it does seem to be a rough time for our furry friends. So sorry to hear about your cat Paul. My sympathies.

[paul m]

Thx for your comments. The other day I had an occasion to talk to a guy with a small parrot on his shoulder. The parrot went every where with him , even boating. Friendly little bird, the guy was a little upset because he couldn't get his boat loaded right on the trailer at the boat launch. The parrot cooed and talked rubbed against his ear trying to calm him down. I spoke with the man and discovered that the bird was 6 yrs old, very attentive, smart and had a life expectancy of 50yrs. I'm a little to old to get a 50 yr pet, but I do wish that our furry friends lasted for a bit longer. Thx again. Take Caare. paul m

[uni]

Paul, I'm so sorry to hear about your cat I hope you allow yourself some time to reflect and grieve.

Also, thank you for sharing the parrot story. It does make a person think.

[paul m]

Hello Uni. Thx for your concern. Take Care. paul m

[Fighting back]

Well, took a little longer than I thought and I am thankful for that.

We put her down today. Hips were weak, hearing gone, incontinent. She just was not having much of a life anymore.

Took her for a long car ride, bought her a hamburger. Met with the family at the vet's to say our goodbyes. Finally, a moment of peace.

I think she knew it was her time. May have more to say later.

[paul m]

Hello Fighting back. Sorry about the loss of your beloved friend. I can understand your feelings of anguish. Take Care. paul m

[AJ]

Hello Fighting Back. I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. It is heart breaking to lose a family member. I have been through it too. Dogs make such good companions. They are so loyal and loving, and have much to teach us.

[Fighting back]

AJ, Paul, Thank you so much! It means a lot right now.

I think I'm still in that shock phase. It was very hard to go to the vet with her. I did manage to assemble the family to say our goodbye's, or rather I should say my family did rally around this occasion, but not without a lot of frustrating human drama. Today, I can sit here and glance over her empty spot without remorse. There have been a few private outbursts, but I believe that is only natural. The days to come will tell.

Some of this is very old news indeed. Best settle in, this may take a while. I started this thread over two years ago. There are factors that predate even her illness, possibly even her entry to our family as a pup all those years ago. I think I tried to manage all this with an eye to avoiding any more depressive triggers. There are plenty to go around in such a situation.

She really started to slide this summer. Incontinence increased to the point where several clean ups nightly were the norm Yours truly ended up managing most of this. Possibly, I am the lightest sleeper, but even passive aggressive practices could not rouse my family to take even the slightest load off me. This was resulting in sleep depravation with all it's unwanted consequences. I was truly worried going into my summer working period where I would be away from home and strangely enough, the disturbances seemed to subside for the month I was gone. She remained relatively stable after that, even to the end. Her hearing had failed in recent weeks, her appetite declining and her hind quarters weakening. She really had no major problems outside the fact that her age had weakened her to the point where her activity was very limited. She remained alert, but there were moments of doggie dementia where she would become extremely confused and/or unaware of her surroundings.

There was a general unspoken feeling in our home that somehow, the dog was my problem. You see, I have been labelled "the dog person". Overall, we are responsible with our animals, but I have a history of being the "fixer". My own fault, I let this occur and I am well aware of it and the damage it can do to your self worth. We had a cat previously and when this pet got ill, it fell to me to have her put down. I should add this was not "my" cat and my spouse claims to be the crazy cat lady. Still, our children were young, fond of this pet and nobody but me seemed to be contributing to the general care of the environment. The plan was my wife would take our two sons out of town for the day, I would take the cat to the clinic to have the deed done. We would explain this to the boys when they returned home that evening. I too was quite fond of this cat and I found it difficult to be in the room for the process. The vet was understanding and carried out the procedure without me and advised me when it was complete. I still was a wreck! When my wife arrivewd with the boys in tow, I informed them that the cat was no longer with us. To this day, my boys resent that they were not included in the decision to put down the cat although I believe they can forgive us as our plan was to spare them grief. My wife remarked that at least I had been there for the cat till the end and that's when I told her I had to leave the room. Wrong answer. At least the housekeeping problem was relieved and I put my foot down saying there would be no more pets in our small urban home.

Several years later, we moved to an acreage. One day I came home to two kittens, acquired while I was at work. I questioned this, reminding everyone that I did not want the responsibility of pets. I was overruled, the boys needed pets. I was not consulted. I did acknowledge that we had more space and a rural environment could include mice, for which cats are known to be effective controls. I relented and a few weeks later, I was informed that we needed a dog. This time I consented on the understanding that all matters of care would be the responsibility of my family. I had engaged a new job and my attention was required elsewhere. Still, the puppy was my discovery on my son's specification. We brought her home on a rainy October day.

I suspect no one will be surprised that the spirit of that understanding was almost instantly undermined. I must admit that over the years, I too brought home a foundling kitten which briefly became one of our family and a bit of a favorite at that. Sadly, this is one of those cats that uses up all 9 lives very quickly. Sort of a "Hold my beer and watch this" type. Very entertaining, but doomed. Putting him down after he was mauled by a neighbor's dog was very upsetting. We still have the cats acquired and along with the dog, have seen me transferred across Western Canada and back. They are all very much part of our family.

I just covered quite a few years there. We all know our time will come and as our dog met and exceeded all expectations for longetivity, inevitably we had to discuss the end. I do have a long memory and not a very forgiving one at that and the cat debacle from all those years ago had me set that I would not take this on alone. As per agreement, I insisted that putting the dog down would be the decision of my wife and oldest son, whom had been the perpetrators of the dog aquisition years earlier. I would only put the dog down if health matters were serious enough to warrant my interference. Conveniance would not be a consideration. Somehow, this was misinterpreted as an instruction that the dog was not to be put down unless health risks were present.

My wife and son are notoriously unconfrontational and any attempt to discuss the ongoing condition of our dog was uncomfortable at best. Seems they missed the part that I considered them to be the primary decision makers for the dog. One day, I came in from a day away from the house to have my wife state that my oldest son had moved out of the house, not to return till the dog was dealt with. This infuriated me somewhat as I saw this as an attempt to abandon his responsibility. Still, mindful of other problems including the chance of interference with his work, I reserved comment. Several days went by. My wife would only comment that maybe we would put the dog down after Christmas. By chance, I had lunch with our younger son and I asked his opinion of the state of things. He too, was quite concerned with the dog's current health and did not feel there was any point in extending the agony another month. He also informed me that his older brother was indeed upset with the dog's poor health.

I asked why they were not considering this in the care of our dog. The answer surprised me. "Dad, we don't want to upset you." I really had only one response. I had said my goodbye's 2 years earlier and every day was a bonus. I felt he would be my advocate as he appeared to understand my position, so I suggested he discuss this with his mother and brother without me. Whatever they decided, I was there to support, but I would not face this alone Later that afternoon, he had a word with his mother. Next thing I know, she was on the phone to the vet and the appointment was set for that same day at 4 PM. The older brother was contacted and he agreed to show up at the vet clinic.

There was about an hour and a half left. I suggested we take the dog for a ride. She enjoyed rides. We stopped to buy her a burger. We visited some of her favorite walking spots. She was already too weak to go for a walk, but she enjoyed the outing.

The final stop at the vet clinic was well managed. We all were there. The vets were quite fond of her as well. She seemed quite pleased to see us all, kind of a "Glad you all could make it" moment. If I needed a sign, that was it. She did seem to be prepared. The vet explained the process and save for a moment when she was startled by the number of people handling her as the drug was administered, she did not flinch. Her body went limp, the vet monitored the heartbeat till it faded and she was gone. Somehow, I could find some happiness for her in that final moment.

The house does seem larger now. The two cats seem to quarrel with each other now as the dog is not there to take up her usual position of referee. I know their day will come as well. We have entered our senior years and we have an agreement that there will be no more pets. I hope there will be no more foundling kittens.

[paul m]

Hello Fighting back. Sounds like a real tough week/summer and fall. From an outsiders point of view you seem to have handled a potentially violate situation well and with far more capably than I would have. Besides the family part of everything which I'm sure generated tons of anxiety and stress, if I had given my last dog a ride for a hamburger I probably would have had to take her home again and had to reprogram myself to start the whole miserable process again. As far as I can see you did the everything right.

In regards to never getting another pet. I don't blame you, but be cautious. When our last beloved dog passed we too swore never to get another pet. That vow lasted less than 3 mths and I've never regretted getting our current dog. I swear that my wife and I argue less when we have a dog to intervene or pet. That dog that we were never going to get is now 12 and showing signs of aging. I don't know what we will do when this one time comes. We both say no, but.... once again my condolences. Take Care. paul m

[AJ]

Hi Fighting Back. When I had to say goodbye to my last dog it was a heart wrenching experience. I can't imagine my life without a dog. After a few months I got another one too. I know I will be faced with the same heart wrenching experience at some point, but what comes in between is worth it for me.