medical retirement

[purgatory]

hi it's been awhile. Had to make a hard decision but with my physical health declining quickly and of course mental health well. Now bear with me for this long and various parts as I try to summarize. I have a bit of pain brain fog as usual too much rain and the high humidity and it's cooler

As many of you know my lack of healthy interpersonal relations is part of my diagnosis too but (and this was very supported by my pdoc) and I no longer and will never have contact with ny of my family which includes my daughter (she's as manipulative as my parents and plus they pay for her house etc and give her money) she doesn't work. My partner heard my conversations on the phone with them via speaker phone, need witness that I'm not imagining what they say as they always always would say I never said that..... My parents big thing when I finally dated after 12 yrs after the divorce and right away found my soul mate (finally something positive wow), it's incredible that I don't have to be on egg shells. Yes I hurt all the time about my daughter but I started losing her about 5 years ago (parents would buy her stuff and say shhh don't tell your mother). It's hard because what I endured to keep her safe during the violent marriage to deflect his attention from her, always at home for her, thinking she loved me all along but

Before any of you say my offspring et al l will come back etc not with this bunch, they were peeved that "well you were suppose to look after us as we got older" yes I was a wallet even though they have millions. Yes my own father took my house and my retirement savings I signed over after my breakdown.

physical health my spine has many arthritic along with curves, curved vertebrates, compress fracture etc a lot in L5 and S1, pancreas tail is atrophy (don't drink), kidneys are both under 10cm and my heart beats too fast but blood pressure is low there's more. I hate this lack of mobility god I so do, started with a can but with arthritis in elbows hands really bad knees I'm now using a walker until I don't know what's next. I'm 49.

well as usual in fed gov't my ass they are advocate mental and physical accommodation. Even though I do work strictly on a computer and only deal with our supervisor who deals with the clients, they want a body there. I cannot sit nor stand more than 10 mins at a time.

God I'm long winded. I decided on medical retirement (I had 9 more years for full pension) it won't be much but I'll keep my drug plan (my monthly co payment will be over 60 dollars a month but it gives me the name brand stuff.

I can only hope that health canada approves sooner than later, my nerves and always thinking the worse. I had my pdoc fill out the forms since mental health is the most serious in terms of staying alive. I have to focus on all the doctor appointments, pool exercises etc these are all things that are during working hours and I find I can't stretch myself like I use to.

I'm at peace with it and looking forward not rushing and one less aspect of major stress on my life. I believe I will start sewing again I will be busy enough.

oh and I was invited for a study at the Royal hospital for major depressives.

Mostly I just want to be able to do one thing at a time and well and be there for my partner.

[bucky310]

Hi purgatory,

Firstly let me say that I'm sorry you've had quite a lot to go through to get where you are now.

Secondly, it seems like you're cutting out the negative influences in your life. Sounds like it might be beneficial in the long run.

I realize it is unrealistic to expect people to change, but, who knows? Maybe in the future your family will realize the pain they have caused you and change. I know it's not likely, but stranger things have happened.

My brother, for example, became quite a lot more mature once he had children. He's older than me and would pester me to no end until he found out via my parents that I have depression and anxiety and that he was a big trigger for me. At some point after that he apologized and slowly matured as his kids got older and he had more. Something to keep in mind. However, I still think that keeping your distance from people who make you upset or trigger you in some way is a great idea. I do the same thing.

I cannot offer much more than that. Again I'm sorry that you're going through a lot and here's hoping that things improve quickly.

Take care.

[purgatory]

hi Bucky it's been a long time. Thank you for your words they are quite dear. Most families would help with an ill member unfortunately all of mine including my offspring used it against me. Obviously it felt and was told it was my fault I was trouble I'm making it up. My mother made sure that my brother and I had no relationship he would tell her something to pass on to me including holiday dinners even in his 50s he's married. my own father charged my grandmother full rent and utilities etc yet he would eat there and she would look after his garden. even as a child it was always looking in and trying to understand why I could not do these things. I figured I never had them so why at 49 mourn for what it should have been. The excruciating part is my daughter. Should have listened to the social worker et al. who kept saying she manipulates. I knew but I didn't want it to be I thought I did all the correct behaviors and such but there will never be any reunion there either, My partner and friends understand if I' should pass away no notice in the newspaper. why give any news they've tainted enough.

I can't do it all and working in fed gov't is godawful if you have any type of mental or physical disabilities. It's not satisfying as we are not allowed to actually help clients anymore.

this way as I get calmer I can do one step at a time, do programs with arthristis sociiety, moods disorders, sew read and not be as exhausted with my partner.

[paul m]

Hello Purgatory. I'm not sure if you are saying that you are taking early retirement because of your illnesses or if you are too disabled to work. Either way it sucks. What follows may, or may not apply. If you are medically unable to work, don't forget to apply for UIC sick leave, which is good for 15 weeks and CPP disability. You may also qualify for the disability tax credit, which isn't much , but every little bit helps.

In regards to family, I'll agree with Bucky310, there is always hope. But I also understand your viewpoint. I still have two brothers and a sister who I'm not even sure where they live. It hurt a lot at first, but sometimes it can be better to have no relationship than a toxic one. I have one brother with whom I have a not bad relationship, but I don't see him much either, his choice not mine, but at least he isn't toxic for me to be around. Like you , most of my family thought that I should suck it up and walk it off more or less. As it's been over 25 yrs since my 2 brothers and one sister have so much as phoned me, I can't see a relationship rekindling any time soon. My father and I see each other a little these days after 15+ yrs of no connections, but it's not like I see him for Sunday suppers or anything like that.

Fortunately I have always been able to maintain a relationship with my sons and I can't imagine how painful it must be for you to have no relationship with your daughter. Good Luck with everything. Take Care. paul m

[purgatory]

hi Paul The way my pdoc wrote it for medical retirement is mainly my mental illness and it's severity especially all my medical issues you know the vicious circle and I have to go via medical retirement but stay on the books till approved. Pension is calculated days worked and they will deduct leave without pay. Also pay centre would mess things up by the time I could get my record of employment I will hear back from Health canada first believe it or not. It's actually all employees are not getting proper pay especially their deductions on federal and provincial taxes. I work with salary spreadsheets plus my own simple pay.

disability tax maybe later and also the fuel credit tax too due to the spine and having to use a walker. Also with medical retirement it's to keep my gov't drug plan which is the most important thing I couldn't afford over 500 a month in meds and province are a holes about generic which yes there is a difference especially with effexor. note even my pdoc who use to work at the royal wasn't surprised and even said no they are not the same due to binding ingredients and name brands especially with my hard to treat major depressive disorder and other depressive diagnosis's. don't need that stress. Trust me pay will mess up and so will pension on my cheques every month. my partner is trying to get me on his since it's a year for common in law but everything is such a mess with pay, benefits and pensions and soooo long. It's because there is a three month non retro gap for the meds unless I'm on his plan on time.

no Hope has only ever given me heartbreak, I avoid it because I crash and they will never changed. My father's sister (the only relative I speak to and also the only female in that branch) knows all to well. but thanks for well wishes.

it was one thing for my father to literally swindle me out of my house that had all my rsp and saving when I bought it and I knew it would be worth more etc. so from 141k it's worth over 1 million for land alone. it's in the city and infill is nuts and everyone wants into that neighbor since it has everything and history. All gone and he charged me more than half my yearaly salary for rent and utilities and he took the tax credit for utilities and actually took over the garage , basement and most of he yard. but my daughter that I tried years to have even though my instincts from forever said never get married nor children. It's not simple rebellion other parents said I did a great job and thought I was a single parent even during the marriage and really I was. Now my parents have a replacement daughter and she's is soooo sucking them dry. she is living alone in the house, they are paying for all of it, groceries, tuition, starbucks, hair colouring spending money no need to work. That's not what she was like at 15 but then mental illness relapse and i wasn't' as sharp. I never ever let my parents lend me money in fact it use to piss them off even as a young adult because i knew it was about control. I don't know how I could have allowed him not to document the house back to me legally etc I was just trying to balance and not show the kid my illness.

omg I need coffee I was wondering why my vision was so bad writing this I had my reading glasses on not my computer ones blahhh Mondays

thanks to all of you for the past decades

oh Paul M could you find out the exact registered number to donate to upkeep this site I have to do my charity donations and this forum has kept me alive more than once. thanks

[AJ]

Hi Purgatory. Physical and mental illness on top of things like work, relationships and other life stresses, is a lot to deal with. I know what it's like to have to make hard choices.

As others have said, family can be toxic. I can't even imagine what that must be like in the case of your own daughter. Sometimes we have to create our own family of caring supportive people.

I have found myself way less stressed now that work is not in the equation. I can focus on taking care of myself and putting my energy into things and people that I care about. There is a financial adjustment that comes with not being able to work, but overall it's been a good thing.

[purgatory]

thanks AJ that's my hope the process of medical retirement is nerve shattering enough and that department has been toxic for over a decade there are more people transfering out of enviironment canada than transferring in for good reason. over 20 years ago it was a very very healthy work place and everyone was valued but the harassment is worse. their guide book on mental health strategy is a joke lots of info for the managers with all the links going to labour relations (that's only for managers against employees). the link for employees for healthy stuff is excerise, eat well, the Employee assistant program you get 4 sessions with someone with a masters degree. They actually told me that they could not take me on. It's basically I lost my dog talking and the other link was for the cdn mental health association yup eyeroll financial well it's not like I need work clothes, I can't even sit for a hair colour too painful and going out anxiety is bad. I'll be fine financially I will never go back to italy it's been years but as I can't sit or stand for more than 10 mins and need to lie down alot... I need simplification

[paul m]

Hello Purgatory. There are several ways to donate to the Mood Disorders Society of Canada. One is to go to https://mdsc.ca/donate/ and in the part that sez Message, advise that it is to help keep the forum going. Or you can mail them a check at Mood Disorders Society of Canada
Suite 736, 304 Stone Road West, Unit 3
Guelph, ON N1G 4W4

Thx for asking. Take Care. Paul M P.S. I have also left a new message in the sand box for another way, although not so direct.

[purgatory]

thanks so much will try it

[csm101]

Hello purgatory, Thanks for sharing your story. I cant even begin to understand the pain your must be going through. I wish you all the healing thoughts I can send.

[purgatory]

thank you so much right now I'm heading into the hard period of the year for me I'm in can't function mode. It doesn't help that in less than a year I've went from walking with no aides to I barely can walk using a walker my spine L5 S1, hip and right knee (kneecap keeps disolcating) and of course with the two curves of scoliosis one side is higher than the other. Both my mind and body are trapping me

[Lisari]

I hope you are doing well right now, if it's so, let us know. When you retire because of medical purposes, it's always sad, because you can't work until the age where you can retire as normal. My brother was in a similar situation, he couldn't continue working because of a rare illness which affects his muscles, so now he is retired and spends most of the time at home. From the financial point of view, he is alright, because he got helped by a pensions adviser from hensoncrisp.com, and things are way better than could be.

[Sativea]

I am so sorry for your dramatic life. I hope one day you will get along with your family. Ten years ago, I was in a similar situation when I divorced my wife because she cheated on me. I left her everything: including the house, car, and our joint business. I did not want anything that remembers me of her. I lived a shitty life, and my nightmares crashed me. The psychologist is the only solution to keep my mind clear. I started now a new life, changed my job, and starting to think about retirement planning because I want to leave in peace.