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    Feel Like I'm Slipping

    Hey guys,

    Haven't been feeling well as of late. Lots of life stuff going on. The biggest of which being that I had my first anxiety attack in what feels like years shortly after the holidays at a family gathering. It was after my car had some troubles and I had that taken care of but the uneasiness of the whole scenario set me off when I had the opportunity to calm down (funny choice of words considering).

    I think prior to that I had been getting depressed a little more. I've been getting confronted with reality lately. Mainly that I'm in my early thirties and still single, no prospects and I don't see any coming considering I'm about 275 pounds in weight. It feels like anybody that would date myself is someone I'm not attracted to. But at the same time I cannot motivate myself enough to lose weight. I've also been dealing with thoughts about my family getting older and that I'm the youngest. I love my family so much, especially my parents, and I have no idea what I would do should any of them pass away.

    I think it's possible that I used to deal with this by drinking nearly every day. It would stop me from thinking like this. Nip it in the bud sort of scenario. Regardless, it seems like the progress I thought I had been making in the past few years has sort of had a downturn. It's like I've taken the two steps forward but am now dealing with having taken a step backward. These times also tend to lead towards thoughts of suicide. Never serious. I've never experienced serious thoughts like that, always a sort of in passing thought. And I would never do such a thing. I'm hoping that what I'm experiencing is a bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder as I have noticed this sort of thing happening in winter for me in the past.

    Either way I figured I would come here and vent a little. Hope you guys are doing much better than I am at the current moment. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

    Have a good day.
    Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.

    #2
    Hi Buckey310. I'm sorry to hear that you have not been feeling well. I'm glad you came to vent.

    The anxiety I have around travelling is unsettling enough, never mind experiencing a full blown panic attack. That must have been awful. I'm glad to hear that it has been some time since your last one.

    The thirties were a time of self evaluation for me too. It seems to go in cycles. I was done getting my degree, busy working, and wondering, now what? I had been so focused on getting thru university and finding a job, I hadn't asked myself what else I wanted my life to be about.

    My parents are elderly now too. I dread the day when they are no longer here. I try to focus on the time we have now, but it's hard. It doesn't help that they live across the country.

    I was on medication that made managing my weight very challenging. I am glad to be off it, but we don't always have that option. It was so frustrating to exercise and eat sensibly and still gain weight.

    The fact that you have chosen to consider all these difficult life events by acknowledging them and sharing them here, is a step in the right direction. That's half the battle. Avoidance takes so much energy that could be put to better use.

    I hope you're feeling better soon Buckey310.
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

    Comment


      #3
      Thanks AJ.

      It's still hard right now not to drink. I've been wanting to go to the LCBO after work but I know it'd be a bad day the next day if I did. I don't sleep as well when I have had even the smallest amount of alcohol.

      I've had better days but I'll survive.
      Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.

      Comment


        #4
        Choosing not to drink is a good plan. I hope you have better days soon.
        AJ

        Humans punish themselves endlessly
        for not being what they believe they should be.
        -Don Miguel Ruiz-

        Comment


          #5
          Hello Bucky310. I hope that you feel better soon. Take Care. paul m
          "Alone we can do so little;
          Together we can do so much"
          Helen Keller

          Comment


            #6
            Well I had a nice relaxing Super Bowl weekend. Ate some BBQ food which was amazing and slept a lot.

            Seems I am feeling better today. Let's hope it continues.

            Thanks for the support guys.
            Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.

            Comment


              #7
              Glad to hear you had a relaxing weekend Bucky310.

              Are you an Eagles fan?

              Take care,
              Kaight

              Comment


                #8
                Hey Bucky310 - it's been awhile. It's great that you had a good outing. hugs

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Kaight View Post
                  Are you an Eagles fan?
                  No, Steelers fan. But I was cheering for the Eagles. Tom Brady has too many Superbowl wins.
                  Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Agreed!

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Hi bucky310 - how have you been feeling this week? I related to your post because I feel like I'm slipping back into whatever I have, too. It's a mix of feeling depressed and anxious. I also had panic feeling for the first time in ages recently. Alcohol will never help more than 20mins and I find afterwards there is more guilt, shame, feeling down, etc. than it's worth. I've been finding my new ketogenic lifestyle helps (keto, or low carb and high fat eating), and keeping hydrated with lots of water, and it gives me something to focus on when I want to binge eat or drink to drown my feelings. I've lost 15lbs since early January eating keto, and enjoy watching YouTube videos and reading articles about keto. Even when I felt that panic feeling, I decided to trust the process and keep on keeping on with my diet changes. Bonus is I can't really drink alcohol while 'keto' and I don't want to cheat because I'm actually seeing results. It's amazing after struggling with my weight and bad eating habits my whole life.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Hi Caron - nice to meet you!

                        I have a friend that has had great results with the Keto diet too. She came at it from the auto-immune angle. She too lost weight, but her most cherished result was mood stabilization. I have been spending time reading through articles related to gut health/mental health and am thinking of giving it a try myself. I am glad you have shared your experiences and I look forward to hearing more about them. It seems like a fairly strict diet, so good for you for sticking to it!

                        Bucky310 - How have you been? I agree with the others that choosing not to drink is a wise decision. I hope things are looking a little brighter for you.

                        Take care,
                        Kaight

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Hi all,

                          Sorry I haven't responded. I have been around but not checking this thread apparently. I haven't been drinking and actually received orders from the doctor to stop drinking (not that I had been doing so in excess). I had been limiting intake to friday and saturday nights but I suppose I was still drinking too much. Either way, I was planning on stopping completely in the summer time anyway so it's just a deadline that's moved up.

                          I'm doing semi-okay. My work is not the greatest at the moment and my complaints/concerns are either being acknowledged and then never addressed or just not acknowledged at all. It's the typical promise the world then never deliver behaviour my employer has seemingly always taken up. I only got raises in the past when my old boss would basically tell them that I would leave if not paid more so that sort of shows you.

                          I also had one of my worst migraine's in my life on the weekend so that contributed to some depressive thoughts. I tried sleeping it off but couldn't sleep a wink so I basically spent 4+ hours lying down in bed and praying for relief (aspirin did nothing). I cannot tell you how many times I repeated "this too shall pass" in my head that day.

                          Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one that is experiencing this (which is of course false). Depression and anxiety feel like something only you have been struck with. As if it's God purposefully providing you with a hard life. Seemingly for having done some wrong which, for the life of me, I cannot think of what I might have done to deserve this treatment. The brighter side of this being that I'm not the only one to go through this, others have too. I also have support via medication, therapy and an ever-increasingly understanding family. I feel quite blessed to have a family who treats me as if I've been stricken with an illness and not one who thinks I should "just smile and be happy" to fix my problems. I can honestly even see their faces in the same expression as if I had told them I broke my leg when I tell them that I'm depressed or having an anxiety attack. It's a great thing to have.

                          So I've had a few down moments, but I'm moving along here. I believe I should remember to meditate more often as it helps to gain clarity for myself. It's also a great relaxation technique. I will get past this and move on. It's like that saying about "how do you eat an elephant?" one bite at a time...

                          I hope you are all doing well, I might be slipping a little but I will regain my footing and I will climb back up.

                          Take care all.
                          Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Hi Bucky. Just wanted to say I hope your feeling better. Like you I am slipping again, for no apparent reason other than an uncooperative brain I guess, and just want to say I like your attitude. You would think we could get used to the down time but it's like saying you can get used to a raging toothache. Anyhow, while I am in the midst of this episode I have been trying to reassure myself that yes, this too will pass, and also I am going to do my best to be myself in spite of the black dog's snarling. I can assure you you have done nothing wrong to deserve your burden. I often thought the same thing but now understand it's the life we got. With your attitude you will move past this bout. We both will.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              That is to say, I hope YOU'RE feeling better. The OCD in me couldn't let that go uncorrected.

                              Comment

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