As mentioned in my previous posts yeah the person I had moved in with well he thinks things are fine, my fault I have to constantly repeat when he justifies his withdrawal. God help me but I had realized I was begging and saying things were my fault even though it was and I had third party proof. Yes he is an alcoholic and it's the one full bottle a day type. He didn't that I knew when we first started dating and even when I moved in but then six months he detached emotionally then my spine gave out completely. I've been going to my appointments by myself, have to get a friend to take me for my steroid lumbar shots, yeah my mood really sucks more. Of course the vacancy rate is so bad now but I may have something but In October and stairs. My odds with the surgery are 1/3 it may help a bit, 1/3 I'll be in way more pain and the last third I would be paralyzed. Wheelchairs are not an option look up L4 to S1. He said at that point I would have to be in a nursing home at 50yrs old. There's a shortage of those. He can't help for the rest of the spine and every vertebrae is diseased. Life no matter how good I've tried to be hits me with a huge piano. I'm finalizing my legal paperwork to nominate someone else for everything. I can't even leave the car with him, I finally said nope because in the middle of the night you wake up to drink and DTs are way too bad. He didn't even say anything when I did tell him about my appointment results. Today I fouond it odd he wasn't at the pub all day he wanted to spend time with me Yeah him watching tv not speaking but blaming me because then I'll be on the computer. Again we've had this conversations so many times but it's new to him each time. He fell asleep when I told him I started the enrolment for the MAID program. I have spinal stenosis, spondy... something every arthritis except ra, bulging disc, degenerating bones in my spine the nerve roots good what they do to my legs. And OA in hips, knees etc. and degeneration is occurring faster as per CT scans every two weeks. I have a feeling by the time the surgery date comes around they won't be able to help. okay enough of that by yeah that really set off my BPD.
He keeps giving me hope but then that is me still hoping for once in my life I was really loved. My birthday he gave me 2 cards with 6 words in total. Tonight he had his arm around me I put computer down but he ws watching tv and I said I thought you wanted me not to have a computer in front of me that's why he's in the other room blah blah yeah we were talking by he was talking to my face just the tv. I repetitively said even *** I couldn't call it making love because he stopped kissing me. He was dismissive of the peignoir silk nightgown and wrapper from France I bought myself for my birthday thinking to be attractive.
sorry back to tonight yeah so I'm beside him cuddling as he likes to stay comfortable on his back yeah me with the thousand pillows of all sides and ice on my spine but I do it, then he starts the playing through my shirt at left nipple then right then he was about to go under my.... enough said I said no I've explained it so many times if emotionally we are having issues and not even kissing me at all during *** well and I had just said that not even 30 mins earlier (yeah I know and said you don't listen to what I say) I was wondering why this morning he said nice bum. He hasn't batted an eyelash when I'm naked for let's put it around the time I became disabled. I then said are you going to sleep he said I'm very frustrating. Yes he's been blaming his angry outbursts on me
He thought I wasn't serious about moving out but he saw the application. cross fingers I may get one with stairs for Octobre I had told him then and tonight it's worse being lonely living with someone than lonely living by myself. It's for October I'm going to hope they accept my application and even though it's with stairs at least I can put my pictures and stuff out.
sorry just so many up and downs throughout the day Yeah ativan yuck but.
I had to share because my emotions hurt way more than than the spine etc. I hate mental illness and crying everyday, waking up crying is worse.
First have to make sure I get the apartment and maybe convince them they don't need all September for renos I can live with it. Did with a father who was in the business. As long as I have bathroom working fridge electricity heat all is fine for however long till the options are given.
Again thank you being bedridden alone for about 80 percent during the day wow
He keeps giving me hope but then that is me still hoping for once in my life I was really loved. My birthday he gave me 2 cards with 6 words in total. Tonight he had his arm around me I put computer down but he ws watching tv and I said I thought you wanted me not to have a computer in front of me that's why he's in the other room blah blah yeah we were talking by he was talking to my face just the tv. I repetitively said even *** I couldn't call it making love because he stopped kissing me. He was dismissive of the peignoir silk nightgown and wrapper from France I bought myself for my birthday thinking to be attractive.
sorry back to tonight yeah so I'm beside him cuddling as he likes to stay comfortable on his back yeah me with the thousand pillows of all sides and ice on my spine but I do it, then he starts the playing through my shirt at left nipple then right then he was about to go under my.... enough said I said no I've explained it so many times if emotionally we are having issues and not even kissing me at all during *** well and I had just said that not even 30 mins earlier (yeah I know and said you don't listen to what I say) I was wondering why this morning he said nice bum. He hasn't batted an eyelash when I'm naked for let's put it around the time I became disabled. I then said are you going to sleep he said I'm very frustrating. Yes he's been blaming his angry outbursts on me
He thought I wasn't serious about moving out but he saw the application. cross fingers I may get one with stairs for Octobre I had told him then and tonight it's worse being lonely living with someone than lonely living by myself. It's for October I'm going to hope they accept my application and even though it's with stairs at least I can put my pictures and stuff out.
sorry just so many up and downs throughout the day Yeah ativan yuck but.
I had to share because my emotions hurt way more than than the spine etc. I hate mental illness and crying everyday, waking up crying is worse.
First have to make sure I get the apartment and maybe convince them they don't need all September for renos I can live with it. Did with a father who was in the business. As long as I have bathroom working fridge electricity heat all is fine for however long till the options are given.
Again thank you being bedridden alone for about 80 percent during the day wow
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