I don't know how to start. This is my first time here. The Depression has always been there, like anxiety. Life just made them worse. In the past 5 years We've moved to the opposite side of my world; living in an "unfriendly community"; trying everything to make a friend. Then I was diagnosed with Lymphoma. Nothing will be the same again. After 6 months Chemo I am now doing Chemo Maintenance every 3 months for the next 2 years. My father passed away, I can't believe it's been 8 months; I wear his shirt a lot and light a candle every night for him. I've never talked about it. Medication was increased and I had a nervous breakdown. I was 152 when I finished my Chemo and now I'm 120. I can't believe how thin I look. I'm liking the thin me but there is a limit and I hope soon my appetite comes back. I just stopped eating. More and more medication added and the depression is worsening. Our grown son lives in the city an hour away. We don't see him enough. I adopted my first dog 4 years ago. His name is R. He's a black Lab/Weimarener, we're still trying to figure out which one? joke.
I wanted more for my life and I am apparently angry. My husband and I have been married 32 years, never lived together until we married at age 18 and 21. We dated for 4 years, got married and started moving around for the next 30 years. He always said we had to go where the work was. I never wanted to leave my little home town. His birthday is the day after mine. We've had a lot of hard times and ups and downs and yet we stick together. But lately he said my behavior is getting a lot to deal with. I agree I'm tired of it too. I wish I could just quit them all, go somewhere peaceful and stress free. My husband has had no support at all, but he chooses it to be that way. The anti depressant was increased and I couldn't stop crying and being negative and confused and lots more. I don't cope well with prescription meds, I have told every doctor I've seen that there is no magic pill out there to make me love living here. The last 4 years I've been on numerous medications, too many. And I always said if my husband and I compromised about the move, but we didn't and I will die here a sad and lonely woman.
There it is. Tell it like it is. I just have no where else to go and I am alone (people say you're not, but I am. I am my only advocate for me because my husband and I have never in 30 years shared an emotional connection. Communication - no, Show feelings other than high happy or mad and withdrawn - no. His opinion is the one that matters, he'll listen to others, but in the end he will go with his own. I guess we all complain about our husbands, I don't get the opportunity much since it's mainly him I see.
Now I've gone and wrote way more than I should for being a new person on here. I hope someone else reads my post and can relate or understand. Thank you for listening.
I wanted more for my life and I am apparently angry. My husband and I have been married 32 years, never lived together until we married at age 18 and 21. We dated for 4 years, got married and started moving around for the next 30 years. He always said we had to go where the work was. I never wanted to leave my little home town. His birthday is the day after mine. We've had a lot of hard times and ups and downs and yet we stick together. But lately he said my behavior is getting a lot to deal with. I agree I'm tired of it too. I wish I could just quit them all, go somewhere peaceful and stress free. My husband has had no support at all, but he chooses it to be that way. The anti depressant was increased and I couldn't stop crying and being negative and confused and lots more. I don't cope well with prescription meds, I have told every doctor I've seen that there is no magic pill out there to make me love living here. The last 4 years I've been on numerous medications, too many. And I always said if my husband and I compromised about the move, but we didn't and I will die here a sad and lonely woman.
There it is. Tell it like it is. I just have no where else to go and I am alone (people say you're not, but I am. I am my only advocate for me because my husband and I have never in 30 years shared an emotional connection. Communication - no, Show feelings other than high happy or mad and withdrawn - no. His opinion is the one that matters, he'll listen to others, but in the end he will go with his own. I guess we all complain about our husbands, I don't get the opportunity much since it's mainly him I see.
Now I've gone and wrote way more than I should for being a new person on here. I hope someone else reads my post and can relate or understand. Thank you for listening.
Comment