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how far i've come

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  • uni
    Thank you night owl for the beautiful poem and the heartfelt and inspiring thoughts! I'm glad you're feeling better. It sounds like quite the journey you've been on. I think we all need someone like a sister or other "earth angel" to be there for us, and singers and poets to encourage us. Going it alone has never worked as well for me as sharing; sounds like you've found similar.

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  • night owl
    started a topic how far i've come

    how far i've come

    I was going through my notes and I found this(read below). It is something I wrote a long time ago. I had started writing when my depression had gotten very bad, I was at the bottom of the abyss trying to reach up and climb my way out. It had taken me a while to finish it since I was nowhere near being happy, so for awhile it had no ending. but then I got better and was able to write an ending. A year after finishing this I had relapsed into depression. I found myself standing on a very thin line between living and wanting to die. I thought I would never make it back from the darkness because this time the darkness took control of everything in my life. my thoughts were - I am lost, I am done, I am gone, I am dead on the inside so why not make myself dead on the outside too. but once again my sister pushed me to see a therapist. and I went, now fast forward to 8 months later I am in a good place again, 8 months is the longest I have ever been without depression dragging me down. I hope that this time I wont relapse again because I'm afraid that if those monsters come back, next time I might not be able to find my way back. but I know that as long as my sister (my best friend) is around I will always have an anchor to keep me from doing something that cannot be undone. if you have depression and you don't have someone close to you that is your anchor, then I say please reach out and get some help, go see a therapist because it helps, it works. it might take time but do not give up, have hope because it does get better.
    Also sometimes when I feel sad I listen to Avril Lavigne's - Head Above Water. It is a powerful song she wrote during her struggle with lyme disease, she was in a dark place. For her it was God that kept her head above water to keep her from drowning. The lyrics are amazing. As for me like I said my sister is my anchor she is the one that helped me keep my head above water.
    That is all for now. I do hope that if I post again on this forum, it will not be because of a relapse but because I'll have been depression free for longer.

    Poem-ish thing that I wrote doesn't really have a title but here it is:

    I fought and I fought to get myself free
    Free from the demons that live inside me
    They lie dormant during the day
    At night they come out to play

    I lie awake in my bed
    Horrifying thoughts in my head
    Losing myself in the darkness
    My mind a complete and jumbled mess

    For years I was fighting
    Then I woke up one morning
    Felt like the demons were gone
    No more being withdrawn

    they suddenly came back with no warning
    And now they are stronger than before
    I have no idea what I should do
    Im lost at the bottom of the abyss

    Once again, five years later
    Im doing so much better
    I have taken back my life
    The monsters no longer attack

    Yet I still fear that a day will come where the monsters will rise again