Feeling hurt, despite trying really hard not to

[Harleem]

I'm feeling very hurt, depressed and upset right now. I'm trying to fight it though because I feel like I don't have the right to be upset about the situation.

Last year, for Father's day, I organized an outing for my boyfriend (with his son, his brother and his brother's kids). This year, my boyfriend's brother offered an invitation to my boyfriend and his son to an event. What's bothering me is that they didn't even think of asking me if I wanted to join them (since it wasn't for any occasion and he said that it was because of the outing they had last year - which is what triggered this reaction in me).

I'm trying really hard not to be offended for being left out. I'm trying to tell myself that I'm not being left out deliberately, that I wasn't excluded, they were included, that my «gift» last year was just that, a gift, and that I shouldn't and can't expect to be included or offered anything in return. I also recognize that it's a good opportunity for my boyfriend to spend time with his brother (which was my intention last year, giving them a Father's Day gift with their kids).

But I'm hurt, and that bothers me. And it bothers me that it bothers me! I feel like I'm being... inconsiderate (?) selfish (?). And now I'm getting angry at myself for feeling hurt which is worsening my mood and the conversation I'm having with myself in my head is getting pretty heated.

[MissMoods]

So naturally, I think feeling a bit left out or hurt (even if that was not the intention) is entirely valid. Be okay with that. (I know, crazy) Circling around and feeling bad about feeling bad is such a vicious cycle and I think as you are expressing, it is only adding to the negative emotions. Sometimes, you just have to sit in it ( I feel hurt, rejected) and know it will pass. Again, this is not to say your feelings are invalid, but fighting against those feelings we cannot change is such an uphill battle.
On the other hand, you could tell your partner how you feel. Because, again your feelings are valid.

[Harleem]

Thank you.

[uni]

Hello Harleem. Stuff like that can really hurt. It sounds rather thoughtless at the least. I think MissMoods is bang on, so I won't repeat it. I experience those kinds of conversations in my head too. Sometimes they stop when I distract myself with the radio or a podcast, or I journal it out, or read something on a different subject, or vent to a friend. Just allowing yourself some "reaction time" may be enough. If not, and you feel the need to talk with your boyfriend, it may not change a thing but it's still communication between the two of you. I hope you get some peace of mind soon