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    Setback

    Since my boyfriend ended our relationship over 4 months ago I've been haltingly getting past the worst of the emotional hit. I saw him motoring around town early into the breakup, and that's all.

    Two days ago a family member of mine ran into him and let me know, saying how he looked and where he was and what he was doing and that "he seemed ok". I immediately felt sick, and all the awfulness came back. I had other important goings-on to distract me (sort of) for that day and the next, but it has been pulling at me... all the flashbacks to our whole relationship and my missing him (which had lessened somewhat but far from disappeared). Apparently my feelings are fairly close to the surface if they can be triggered this strongly by a small incident that I only heard about.

    This morning I awoke after a dream in which I had no "him" and no home, and was being bossed around by an aggressive ex co-worker on the mean streets of the city in the cold wind. Bad start to the day. I then cried myself through I don't know how many kleenexes. I needed that, I think, and felt better, in a physical release sort of way. I allowed my thoughts and feelings to do what they wanted for a while. Surprisingly (or not?) I found insights and perspective coming to me, and saw the lessons I've been learning, and the growth I've been experiencing. None of which took away the pain of missing him, but at least it was something..

    I calmed down and carried on with my day, made light phone conversation with a friend, went for coffee and wrote about the whole thing. Spent some time at the library where I got few books and CDs, Did a bit of shopping. Then on the way home I started feeling very upset. Got into my pyjamas early, and while doing so began to bawl all over again and used up a whole bunch more kleenexes. I didn't think one person could produce so many tears in one day. So now I've got the puffy eyes and red nose, but who cares. I hope I'm done with the crying for a while. But who the heck knows anything any more, certainly not me
    uni

    ~ it's always worth it ~

    #2
    Breakups are hard and can definitely take some time to completely move forward on. They move like grief in that you think you have a handle on it until memories throw you back into the hardest parts of it.. they are in fact grief. I think you are incredibly pro active even as reminders of your relationship are bringing you down. Even if you end the day in tears you are not letting this stop you from experiencing life. The only thing I can suggest is, post breakup we tend to look back on our partner with mostly positive memories, it may help to pull on some of the things that made them terrible, because there is no way they were perfect. So, for once I say, focus on the negative.

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      #3
      Aw Uni, sorry you have to go through this pain.

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        #4
        Sorry you have to go thru this Uni. Grieving is so very hard.
        AJ

        Humans punish themselves endlessly
        for not being what they believe they should be.
        -Don Miguel Ruiz-

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          #5
          Thanks so much for the replies I find comfort and wisdom in them..

          The idea of looking at the negative in this instance is actually something my psychologist has mentioned. I'll give myself a bit of time and then decide whether to see her again. I think I'm generally on the right track; and experiencing the inevitable rough waters that come with a breakup. Makes it a wee bit easier to think of it that way anyhow.

          I haven't cried so far today, but feel exhausted so once again am in my pj's early. Going to watch some old M*A*S*H episodes while indulging in ice cream
          uni

          ~ it's always worth it ~

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            #6
            Hello Uni. Sorry that you are having such a rough time. Take Care. paul m
            "Alone we can do so little;
            Together we can do so much"
            Helen Keller

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