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Elephant in the room. Warning! May be distressing, don't mean to trigger

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    Elephant in the room. Warning! May be distressing, don't mean to trigger

    I'm sure this is not uncommon. Most of us have made the acquaintance of the black dogs and we likely know of others in the struggle. Every now and then, we lose one. I just did.

    So, I don't know if I should be angry. This should not have happened, yet it did. In hindsight, it was pretty plain that this was coming and I am not blaming myself that I could, or should have done more. All I feel is that I know where my friend has been and I wish him peace. I know he had very little of that lately. Sadness or anger does not seem to play a part for me. Yes, there is a sense of loss, but I also recognize how helpless I may be.

    There is a component of distance here. At one time, there were daily interactions as we shared a workplace, but we all move on and several provinces and a number of years separate our lives. It was pretty easy to confirm his passing, but there is no mention of his illness. Thus the elephant in the room. I don't expect there is a solution, but we remain unable to discuss this. I'd like to tell my friend that this was not the way to peace, yet I know I would not have succeeded. It is my hope that maybe even one person may see this and reconsider.

    Time to go read Desiderata again.

    #2
    I'm so sorry to hear this Fighting back.
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

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      #3
      Fighting back, so sorry for your loss. I lost a young cousin to suicide. It’s so sad it is not talked about more and hidden as the cause of death.

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        #4
        Well, after reflecting on this for a few days, I can say that I am, in fact angry. Not at my departed friend, empathy would be a better description of my emotion at his passing, but anger builds against the dismissive way his death is treated.

        I want to say this person mattered! Found dead at his home does not do justice to his life, yet the silence about his circumstance is so awkward. Most alarming for me is the common ground of our work. I have mentioned how the stress of my job resulted in a blowout for me and the safety sensitive nature of my previous job drove my decision to retire early. The same applies to my friend and former coworker.

        It did not end there for my friend. He lost his spouse about 18 months ago. I last spoke with him in spring and he was alarmingly depressed. He was seeking help and staying active. Apparantly, he participated in another online forum as a moderator, but I did not seek him out. I had hoped that this was his outlet for his feelings, but there had been a decided change in his demeanor which had also been noted by other former coworkers.

        In the end, the only clue to his fate may have been found in where he was discovered. He had an outdoor firepit where he and his wife had spent many hours and occasionally entertained guests. Something of a special spot, I suppose. This is where he was found and I feel I know him well enough to recognize why he made that decision.

        This is my goodbye to my friend and I chose to air it here as I believe the audience will understand. You may not have known my friend, but I hope you will recognize the symptoms and keep yourselves safe.

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          #5
          Sorry for your loss. Take Care.paul m
          "Alone we can do so little;
          Together we can do so much"
          Helen Keller

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