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Not normal anymore!

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    Not normal anymore!


    Sighhh where to begin I feel super depressed and anxiety like feeling crazy and negative sad thoughts. I just don't feel good and I've been this way since 18 now 32. As a kid and teen my mind was clear. I actually enjoyed biking, skateboarding, video games and when I did those things I felt great and content I try doing them now and I half ass it don't enjoy anything and my mind always has a negative or depressed mood and that completely takes over and I end up going through the motions never actually enjoying anything my mind is attached to depression. I remember when I was 19 video games sports etc was great I enjoyed it played it for hours and it was a hobby of mine I miss feeling that stable content mindset I had. now all I'm trying to do is do the things I still like but when I actually try tod them I can't and I give up after literally a minute of trying. What is wrong with me? I want to feel good again and not crazy with anxiety. I tried effexor and celexa which are antidepressants and they may have worked for to SOME degree but not for years even after trying to upthe dose nothing. Depression really started hitting me I'd say when I was 22 years old. I don't know anymore I try to eat better I'm out for a walk currently right now I can't snap out of this dark haze it feels like doomsday everyday. I'd like to be in my apartment or room playing video games or relaxing but I always feel clostraphobic at home, the PC screen hurts my eyes makes me naseaus can't even eat certain foods anymore like sugar or pop they just sink me into a pit of farther depression and anxiety. Can't be anywhere it feels like.
    Last edited by Yojimbo; November 2, 2019, 07:37 PM.

    #2
    Hi Yojimbo, I hear you. I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better right now, I can feel your journey through the dark night of the soul. So long to be depressed, and that restless depression can drive you crazy. I sense a burning desire to get something out of your system, to take some form of action. I can relate to your restlessness; I've felt that way lately - can't apply myself to anything even if I want to do it. Procrastination big time. I'll start something and, like you, drop it almost instantaneously. What calms me down in these situations is my photography. When I'm taking pictures it's as if I'm in my own world, almost meditative, time stops and I'm in the moment, just focusing on that colour or that tree or flower. I've had my camera in for repair for a number of weeks now, and they finally called yesterday to say it was ready. But I've felt that same listlessness/restlessness today particularly. I'm wondering if the weather/atmospheric pressure is affecting us in some way, intensifying our depression.

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      #3
      I hear you both. I currently am in a similar state of mind. Just changed some meds and I’m feeling a bit better but life still sucks right now. I’ll be upping my new meds hoping to find more progress. I know when I was in my lowest point I could have won 10 million dollars and I probably couldn’t crack a smile so that tells me nothing could help except meds. It’s the only thing that worked for me. I was doing decent until I tried to get off my meds to see if I was all better and was back to normal. That failed miserably. Now I’m digging my way out of a nasty hole. Like mentioned many times in previous posts y others, work with you doc or psychiatrist and find something that works for you to get you out of your hole. Nothing else worked for me.

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        #4
        Yojimbo, I can relate to your post a lot. Honestly, you've basically described my life. I know and understand the feeling you are describing too well. I am going to give you the tips and methods I took personally to help me get through my depression and bipolar.

        The very first thing to do is:
        • Write down your goals.

        Set some goals and write them down. If you could have anything you wanted regardless of the circumstance what is it that you would want? Who do you want to be? Just be completely honest here, set some goals you may think are impossible for you, set some goals that you absolutely know you can achieve as well, and keep track of them and check them off when you've completed a goal.
        • Visualize
        Picture yourself having already achieved your goals. Close your eyes and place yourself in a position where your all of your goals have been achieved. Get a sense of what that you would feel like. If you were there right now. how would it feel? get a hold of that feeling and bring that feeling back into reality with you regardless of the circumstance. You can't focus on the fact you don't have this or that. Because the only thing keeping you reaching your goals is time and your own resistance to your desire.
        • Be Consistent
        This is a big one, it took me years to figure this one out. You can't start something for 2 weeks and then give up when it's getting hard. You have to prevail and keep going and I'll tell you why.
        When you are being consistent with your goals and you are climbing and achieving, well for one it becomes like an addiction. But more importantly, it adds value to what you are doing. If you decided to start a gym routine and went for 3 months just to give up, you would have done 3 months of hard work for nothing in the end. You want to get to the point where it's actually harder to avoid doing it than it is to do because it has become part of your routine, and you don't even have to think about it anymore you just do it.


        No one is going to be perfect in life, we all will struggle. But through any struggle, we can prevail by changing our minds and changing our perspective. When I had first come out of the mental hospital I found it incredibly hard to achieve anything at all. I had played video games my entire life, I barely was able to keep a job, I found I had very little friends, I had no self-confidence, I lived in an apartment that should have been on the show hoarders it was so disastrous. I had actually given up, I literally thought I was going to die and that I was so different from everyone else. But when I started to set goals and the very first goal that I set that I was consistent with was a 10-minute walk around my building every day. That was something I knew I could do, It wasn't hard to do. But the thing is, I did it, and every day I did it again. Then I started adding more and more to the point where now I achieve all of my goals each day and it's really not hard at all. I look at life in a new way where I'm much more focused and excited about what is coming in my future them what has happened in the past. I hope some of this helps you through your journey. Best wishes to you Yojimbo! Good luck!

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