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Panic Attack/Mini Meltdown?

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    Panic Attack/Mini Meltdown?

    Working as a Consigliere, one of my tasks is to collect, store & distribute people's deliveries. I.E. packages from Scamazon etc...
    From time to time, although not often, some packages do go missing & sometimes it's brought to issue.
    Well, today, just an hour ago, a tenant shoved his slip of paper at me, so I may go to the Mailroom & retrieve his parcel like a good dog.
    As I'm looking for it, I can feel my blood pressure rising as it becomes more & more clear that we don't have his package.
    Despite having signed for having received it. I continue searching, all the while feeling my anxiety rising.
    Meanwhile, while I'm spending time searching for the elusive parcel, people are starting to line up at my desk, which I HATE at the BEST of times.
    Well, this was the tipping point. I HAVE to do something, or I'm going to EXPLODE!
    One tool I have as a coping mechanism(which I use every day at my job) is I can act. WELL.
    I HAVE to be able to communicate to everybody that I've reached my limit, without COMPLETELY losing it.
    So I close the Mailroom, go back to my desk, dramatically throw my set of keys & phone on the Concierge desk, & grab my personal phone
    & pretend to be talking to my boss, telling him I quit. This my way of trying to tell everyone to back the f*** off!
    I follow it up by grabbing my coat & making a dramatic exit, while still "telling my boss I quit" & exit into the elevator.
    Hoping this clears the lobby, I wait for about a minute. A minute which very well could have been the difference between me somehow
    being able to hold it together & /or completely losing it. (**UPDATE** while I'm recounting this tale from an hour ago, it nearly happened AGAIN!
    Same ****. So distracted I can't even see straight now. I don't know if I can take another one) But back to the first one; so finally one of the tenants who had been waiting in the lobby finds me in the elevator & I emerge telling her I'm a good actor. (What else am I gonna say?) But she was moved enough that she didn't even smile at me, but
    got on the elevator & went upstairs. Good! Get the **** away from me.
    Well, when I began this entry, I was still coming down from that, when as I said, ANOTHER one happened, so I'm still quite on edge here.
    It's an awful position to be in. Loving every other aspect of your job, yet hating this one part SO MUCH that it's affecting my health.
    And yet, being so anxious that quitting &leaving a job which I'm so familiar with these last few years & having to start over & go through
    the same growing pains with another company & client is far too anxiety-provoking for me.
    Trapped. That's exactly how I feel. Trapped.

    #2
    Hello Living with hope. I can appreciate how trapped you must feel. I hope that you can find a workable solution to your problem. Take Care. paul m
    "Alone we can do so little;
    Together we can do so much"
    Helen Keller

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      #3
      Hello Living with hope. That certainly sounds really stressful. Has there been any improvement in your situation you last posted?
      uni

      ~ it's always worth it ~

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