Today I think my grief caught up with me.
First, there are the losses we've all experienced thanks to the pandemic: things we can't do, places we can't go, people we can't see. Against this background, my brother passed away from cancer last summer. In December a mentor I admired, who was a mainstay of a club I belonged to, passed away and we're only now picking up the pieces. Two ex-brothers-in-law (sisters' husbands) have also died in the last year, which brought back a lot of old memories (good ones, as I'd gotten along well with both of them).. In January my ex-boyfriend's mom, who was sort of a surrogate mother to me, was taken by covid-19.
Despite all that, I haven't shed a great many tears. I'm the kind of person who needs a good cry every so often, it's just sort of cleansing and helpful, but it wasn't happening. Well, today the tears came unexpectedly, but I kind of understand why.
There is a small piece of furniture that my brother had inherited from my parents, that has been passed on to me via his widow. I brought it home today and found a place for it. In looking at it and touching it I felt such grief. So here I now sit with puffy eyes and a red nose, but feeling some sense of release, or relief, or whatever.
My parents have been gone for many years, but it feels like they're right here with me. I love the memories, but not the sense of loss.
First, there are the losses we've all experienced thanks to the pandemic: things we can't do, places we can't go, people we can't see. Against this background, my brother passed away from cancer last summer. In December a mentor I admired, who was a mainstay of a club I belonged to, passed away and we're only now picking up the pieces. Two ex-brothers-in-law (sisters' husbands) have also died in the last year, which brought back a lot of old memories (good ones, as I'd gotten along well with both of them).. In January my ex-boyfriend's mom, who was sort of a surrogate mother to me, was taken by covid-19.
Despite all that, I haven't shed a great many tears. I'm the kind of person who needs a good cry every so often, it's just sort of cleansing and helpful, but it wasn't happening. Well, today the tears came unexpectedly, but I kind of understand why.
There is a small piece of furniture that my brother had inherited from my parents, that has been passed on to me via his widow. I brought it home today and found a place for it. In looking at it and touching it I felt such grief. So here I now sit with puffy eyes and a red nose, but feeling some sense of release, or relief, or whatever.
My parents have been gone for many years, but it feels like they're right here with me. I love the memories, but not the sense of loss.
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