Woke up feeling depressed, waited for the wave to wash over

[Quito]

This morning I experienced a common weekend dynamic. I woke feeling depressed, unwilling to open my shades or get out of bed. I had anxiety about two social functions coming up this week, thinking of the energy to 'put on a happy face'. So I said a prayer, had a cry and told my two cats to wait it out with me. Sure enough an hour later, I got dressed and took the cats out for their outside time and now watching Euro, perfectly content.

These morning doldrums and despair often occurs on the weekend. Work days, I don't have time to feel anything, I'm just on automatic pilot.

So far, exercise and diet has kept my worst symptoms at bay.
Does anyone else have this morning dynamic? I wish I could understand myself better.

[AJ]

Hi Quito. It's nice to hear from you.

When I worked I felt like that. There was no time to acknowledge how I was feeling. The job required focused activity so my brain was preoccupied with that, and everything else had to be 'set aside'.

After a few days off and not enough down time, I had a hard time getting back to the 'happy face' too.

[Quito]

Thanks AJ. Five more months to retirement. Only 37 days if I take 3 months sick leave. I'm thinking I deserve it after working four decades with this invisible illness. But I'm still giving it some thought.

[AJ]

It’s a life changing step Quito. I have enjoyed retirement.

[uni]

Hello Quito. Regarding low mood in the morning, I get what you're saying . It's like the usual structure is gone on days off work, so the usual external motivators are gone. If they aren't replaced by something else to look forward to, or some other purpose each day, there's not a lot to get out of bed for some mornings. I think it's extra hard for those of us who live alone. Eg: nobody else to say "coffee's ready, come and get it" from the kitchen in the morning, nobody to say "I'm going for a walk, want to come?"

The morning blahs don't necessarily go away in retirement, but they often do. I can only tell of my own experience, because retirement is many different things to different people. For about a year before I retired, I asked other people what it was like for them. It was very enlightening. I was thinking of how my days would go, what I'd do with my time, where and with whom. I'd wake up in the morning sometimes on a day off, and before getting out of bed I'd pretend in my mind that I was retired. What would I do once I got out of bed? I was quite specific about it, which activities I'd do that day. In my case, probably because there was no doubt in my mind that it was time to retire, I found many things of interest to look forward to in a day.

Fast forward to pandemic restrictions. More time at home, fewer options for activities and seeing other people. It's been tougher, no question, on many days. My volunteer work! My coffee meetings! My shopping! My visits! And oh no - my travel! But it's been an opportunity in many ways to haul out the tools in my depression toolbox and practice using them. Still, too many mornings feel the way you've described.

I try and have a loose (very loose) plan for each day. And a few "first things first" that have become habits for when I get out of bed. I wish I'd wake up each day all enthusiastic and energetic and optimistic, and it does happen, don't get me wrong, but it's not my default setting. Maybe the causes and answers are different for everyone. Depression can be freaking sneaky and infuriating.

Anyway, I'm glad that crying and praying and communicating with your cats helped you feel better. I hope you do okay this coming weekend

[AJ]

'I try and have a loose (very loose) plan for each day.' I do this too Uni. I am often overambitious in the planning part, so being flexible is important for me.

[Quito]

Lovely post about retirement, Uni. The pandemic really put a glitch in our lives.
I can't wait to do whatever I want. Gym every day, visits with friends (one of whom is retired), making new friends, classes, travel, maybe a part time job and volunteering. I see my BIL looking so healthy and vibrant in his first year of retirement and so many of my co-workers whose faces look 10 years younger after retiring.

[Mocha231]

Quito I am also looking forward to retirement. The possibilities are endless.

Mocha231