Hi everyone. I’m new here and still trying to figure out how the forum works. Just wondering if any of you have received ECT treatment for major depressive disorder? I’ve been getting ECT for a very long time but have no idea for how long thanks to the memory deficit. One of the side effects of ECT is short term memory loss. My psychiatrist who ordered the ECTs to begin with said my memory would return within 6 months after treatments. I was never taken off ECT completely, I was put on maintenance treatments of once monthly. I had severe long term memory loss and problems with my short term memory. I was told once I was switched to maintenance ECTs my memory would come back within 6 months.
While on maintenance treatments I had no recollection of major life events. For example I knew I had been married but had no recollection of my wedding day. I had 2 kids but no recollection of my sons birth or the very special day of bringing him home from hospital. My daughter was adopted but I don’t recall anything of the very special day when she became a member of our household. She came to us when she was 18 months old. I have a vague recollection of a burgundy velvet dress. I remember the name of the elementary school they went to but no recollection of special events their. I don’t remember them coming home from school with their friends or how they both did in elementary school. I know they both went to high school but again I don’t recall special events or parent teacher interviews so I have no idea how they did. I don’t recall anniversaries, birthdays or Christmases. I was continually reassured that these special and important memories would come back within 6 months while just on maintenance doses. At some point in my life I took my GED so I could enroll in college and university. I eventually graduated from university with a BSN in nursing. I have no memories of this special time in my life. I know I worked full-time at the hospital here, first as a gyne nurse, then a Cardiac Nurse then an ICU nurse and finally a Community Care nurse. Oh I forgot, I was also employed at the University as an RN instructor. The occasional memory will pop into my head but then it’s gone. I do remember that I loved nursing, loved students and loved taking courses. I’ve lost most of those memories!! But again, told they’d come back.
I’m told I stopped the maintenance ECT on my own. Have no idea why unless it was due to the memory loss. I bought a day planner and started writing everything down, important appointments, birthdays and other important events. My severe Major Depressive disorder became worse since stopping the ECTs recently and I ended up back in hospital. I was there for 2 months! I received 12 ECT treatments only because my depression and anxiety were so bad and resistant to medications alone. My memories got worse if that’s possible. I kept mentioning the severity of the memory loss and she said, oh everyone gets that. It’ll come back in 6 months. She wasn’t concerned about it at all. The day of discharge my depression was much better, I actually felt somewhat happy and eager to get home. My daughter had come to visit me everyday even when she was working. She helped to keep me grounded and was very much aware of my memory loss. My Dr. was giving me discharge instructions, explaining the new meds I had been started on in hospital and then she mentioned maintenance ECTs! I refused them because of the further memory loss. She told me I was risking the major depression coming back and reminded me that last time I did that I ended up right back in the hospital. Well I felt good and I was on new meds which I hoped would work. She understood my concern for further memory loss but kept saying it would come back. I reminded her that my memories that I had lost so far had never come back! I felt like I didn’t exist! No childhood memories, no memories of caring for my mother when she was dying of lung cancer. I was told I cared for her. Vague memories of my nursing career. She agreed to discharge me with no maintenance ECTs saying I could always change my mind.
So right now I’m struggling again. It’s been about 3 months since my discharge and my own psychiatrist has had to change my meds again. I think I’ve been on just about all of them. He keeps trying to talk me into maintenance ECTs again. I keep refusing. I can’t get the doctors to understand the seriousness of the memory loss! My case manager says that’s unfortunate but it’ll come back. Well no they won’t!! Before this latest admission I had waited months, probably yrs for my memories to return. I know I’m divorced but have no idea what happened! I still love my husband! All he’ll tell me is that it had nothing to do with love but that we could no longer be married. I’m afraid to ask why so just try to accept it. We are still very close and he’s very supportive of me and my decisions. How could I not remember why I got divorced. There will never be anybody else for me. I still love him very much. We were going to grow old together. So here I sit. I’ve been up since 11:30 the night before, unable to sleep, major depression again. New meds not working but still refusing ECTS. I’m worried they can have me committed to hospital for treatments.
Have any of you experienced similar outcomes? Has ECT ruined your memories? I’m on Effexor for depression and Olanzapine for sleep and Ativan for anxiety which isn’t working. Am also having major hallucinations due to a recent decrease in my Effexor and the minimal Amy of sleep I’ve been getting. The Effexor dose has been since increased but only getting 2-3hrs sleep a night. That’s with the Olanzapine and Ativan. Have any of you had similar experience with ECT? Like I said I feel like I don’t exist because of my memory loss. Am I going to feel like that for the rest of my life? Thanks in advance for any responses. I think I read an ECT horror story on this forum not long ago. My problem is ECT is the only thing that helps with the severe depression. The medications don’t seem to help.
While on maintenance treatments I had no recollection of major life events. For example I knew I had been married but had no recollection of my wedding day. I had 2 kids but no recollection of my sons birth or the very special day of bringing him home from hospital. My daughter was adopted but I don’t recall anything of the very special day when she became a member of our household. She came to us when she was 18 months old. I have a vague recollection of a burgundy velvet dress. I remember the name of the elementary school they went to but no recollection of special events their. I don’t remember them coming home from school with their friends or how they both did in elementary school. I know they both went to high school but again I don’t recall special events or parent teacher interviews so I have no idea how they did. I don’t recall anniversaries, birthdays or Christmases. I was continually reassured that these special and important memories would come back within 6 months while just on maintenance doses. At some point in my life I took my GED so I could enroll in college and university. I eventually graduated from university with a BSN in nursing. I have no memories of this special time in my life. I know I worked full-time at the hospital here, first as a gyne nurse, then a Cardiac Nurse then an ICU nurse and finally a Community Care nurse. Oh I forgot, I was also employed at the University as an RN instructor. The occasional memory will pop into my head but then it’s gone. I do remember that I loved nursing, loved students and loved taking courses. I’ve lost most of those memories!! But again, told they’d come back.
I’m told I stopped the maintenance ECT on my own. Have no idea why unless it was due to the memory loss. I bought a day planner and started writing everything down, important appointments, birthdays and other important events. My severe Major Depressive disorder became worse since stopping the ECTs recently and I ended up back in hospital. I was there for 2 months! I received 12 ECT treatments only because my depression and anxiety were so bad and resistant to medications alone. My memories got worse if that’s possible. I kept mentioning the severity of the memory loss and she said, oh everyone gets that. It’ll come back in 6 months. She wasn’t concerned about it at all. The day of discharge my depression was much better, I actually felt somewhat happy and eager to get home. My daughter had come to visit me everyday even when she was working. She helped to keep me grounded and was very much aware of my memory loss. My Dr. was giving me discharge instructions, explaining the new meds I had been started on in hospital and then she mentioned maintenance ECTs! I refused them because of the further memory loss. She told me I was risking the major depression coming back and reminded me that last time I did that I ended up right back in the hospital. Well I felt good and I was on new meds which I hoped would work. She understood my concern for further memory loss but kept saying it would come back. I reminded her that my memories that I had lost so far had never come back! I felt like I didn’t exist! No childhood memories, no memories of caring for my mother when she was dying of lung cancer. I was told I cared for her. Vague memories of my nursing career. She agreed to discharge me with no maintenance ECTs saying I could always change my mind.
So right now I’m struggling again. It’s been about 3 months since my discharge and my own psychiatrist has had to change my meds again. I think I’ve been on just about all of them. He keeps trying to talk me into maintenance ECTs again. I keep refusing. I can’t get the doctors to understand the seriousness of the memory loss! My case manager says that’s unfortunate but it’ll come back. Well no they won’t!! Before this latest admission I had waited months, probably yrs for my memories to return. I know I’m divorced but have no idea what happened! I still love my husband! All he’ll tell me is that it had nothing to do with love but that we could no longer be married. I’m afraid to ask why so just try to accept it. We are still very close and he’s very supportive of me and my decisions. How could I not remember why I got divorced. There will never be anybody else for me. I still love him very much. We were going to grow old together. So here I sit. I’ve been up since 11:30 the night before, unable to sleep, major depression again. New meds not working but still refusing ECTS. I’m worried they can have me committed to hospital for treatments.
Have any of you experienced similar outcomes? Has ECT ruined your memories? I’m on Effexor for depression and Olanzapine for sleep and Ativan for anxiety which isn’t working. Am also having major hallucinations due to a recent decrease in my Effexor and the minimal Amy of sleep I’ve been getting. The Effexor dose has been since increased but only getting 2-3hrs sleep a night. That’s with the Olanzapine and Ativan. Have any of you had similar experience with ECT? Like I said I feel like I don’t exist because of my memory loss. Am I going to feel like that for the rest of my life? Thanks in advance for any responses. I think I read an ECT horror story on this forum not long ago. My problem is ECT is the only thing that helps with the severe depression. The medications don’t seem to help.
Comment