I'd like to apologize

[WonderingY]

To everybody with a mental illness. Wherever my ex wife is, in this world or the next this is for you my dear girl. I sometimes think I still love you and I regret who I am. I have very little tolerance for the weak. Even when it's in myself now. Keeps me in a constant rage. I sometimes wish you would have explained to me honey how sick you were. I lack a lot in compassion, but. I wish I could have known more as to why you needed to lay down. Why you forgot things, and the list goes on, BUT GOD girl why didn't you explain. I know now 6 yrs later and that's too late. People,,tell people for God sakes. They may shy. May even disrespect,,BUT you don't know until you tell. If it's someone like me who's suffering now I'd hold you in my arms. IF I ever come out of this my ego will never be brash. So I give an apology to all I've ever looked down on,and. Ecspecially you honey

[Hopeful_2022]

Hello Wondering Y

Thanks for you post here. It seems that you really miss your ex-wife and are doing a lot of self-reflection by thinking about how you could have done things differently. That is totally fair. I can only imagine what you are going through, it must be tough to carry all those feelings at once. How have you been coping? Do you mind sharing with us what you mean by “in this world or the next?” Did your wife pass away?

[WonderingY]

I don't know if she's passed or not really. I never did feel a lot of guilt due to how she ended things ,but. I now realize it wasn't her fault entirely. She had been run through the mill a lot longer than me with the psychotropic crap. As I understood only a few years before our separation mental upset had started quite young in her life. Her father was extensively ***ually abusive,and. Her attempts at suicide also starting quite young. Some if not all have said her turfing of me was quite viscous,and. Perhaps so,however. I know now she was not she. I didn't realize how dirty these drugs were. I myself have went from very healthy n happy just a few months ago to now considering medically assisted .I can't imagine anyone doing to me what she did that night,but. Then again I can't imagine many years on very many pills, me just having suffered a few months on one at a time. I'm told that the SSRI I'm on and coming off it can overwhelm with guilt justified or not ,and. I can only imagine that may be part or it ,because. I'm some times rid with guilt for my last "love" and she deserves not one wretched shred. It's hard with my ex wife though ,because. SO SO many good memories fill that 29 yrs. She was so cute when we were young. So giving. Gave me the finest child in the world,and. Perhaps another reason she shines so in my mind is as I said how sadly my last experience of take take take was. Our first couple years was rough and our last couple, but. I pray to God he allows me to relive the middle 25 if I get to see him. I can still even smell her. I can feel her hair, but. Then again since SSRIs I only feel deeply about the sad things, and. If I can't think of any I make some up. God I hate this 5hit.As with my wife or me do they have a clue what they're doing. I know I'll never be near right again. Like I said in my other depression post I'd almost swear they want me dead. I'm an AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA personality,so. Take me off 2mg of clonazepam to spin me, take me near off trazadone to spin me, put me on SSRIs to spin me. Apparently the plan is that the best way to handle nitro glycerin is to put it into a paint shaker for 2 months before letting it sit still.. Beautiful,,what could go wrong??????Ah I've said enough. I'll never think the worse of her again even if I do get some better,,ya as if the medical community will allow that