This is where it all started for me...

[VillaStraylight]

Late 1970's, I was in my early teens. I started hating November and loving March (oh, those fabulous highs!). The first time I read the symptoms of SAD, I knew I had it but... I was coping so I rationalized that it must not be bad enough to require treatment (or for anyone to really know how bad it sometimes was). Looking back now, having been diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder as well, I am somewhat amazed at how many November/December's and March/April's I made it through without any serious consequences. I also wonder what more I could have made of my life if I had gone for help 20 years earlier than I did.

[Woody]

Hi Villa Stray Light and welcome aboard

Since you have been diagnosed with BP II do you find the SAD as pronounced?

[AJ]

Welcome to the forums Villastraylight.

'I also wonder what more I could have made of my life if I had gone for help 20 years earlier than I did.'

I sometimes ask myself the same question. How would things turned out if I'd gotten the help I needed earlier? The important thing is that you are getting help now.

[VillaStraylight]

Since I've been taking medications for BPII, the SAD is not as pronounced. I still go into hibernation in the fall and come out in the spring but I don't dread November and December as much as I used to. OTOH, I've been mostly depressed now since the spring of 2005. I seem to have lost my "summer self" and I've made my pdoc stop asking me to compare my current state with my "summer self" as I'm having difficulty remembering anymore what that was!

BTW, I was here before the shutdown but have changed my screen name. (I used to go by cenns.)

[AJ]

New forum. It's a fresh start. Good in some ways. Not in others. A lot of members from old forum have not found their way to this one yet.

[Woody]

Yeah I remember seeing Cenns! I cannot remember what you posted in the past ... heck I cannot remember what I posted

Kind ties in to what you said about remembering. Pre 2004 for me is becoming foggier and foggier. Sometime last week is an issue! A couple of months ago I was picking up my prescription at the pharmacy and the clerk asked to confirm my address. I was dumfounded! I had to look at my drivers licence to give her my address. Then I have these moments of ... where I relive a segment of my life second for second. Funny how memory works sometimes.

[AJ]

When I went to my P.doc on Tuesday she asked me if I need prescription renewals. I said yes, walked out of the room, forgot that she gave it too me, and asked the secretary to get her to write them for me. How embarrassing.

[Marcia]

Wow!!You sound just like me.I do that kind of thing every where I go to point where I am not going anywhere.I've been 'diagnosed' as 'Severely Socially Deprived'. I just chuckle about it and laugh at myself when at home.What else can a person do.I've accepted the fact that everyone in this small town thinks I'm crazy.I can't blame them.Physical illness' contribute to this and I have become very anti-social. I talk my 2 kids to death and my pets.I've also just this week had to let all pets go and that isn't helping the depression altho' I thought it would be worse. Now........let's see how long I can cope. Came totaly off Effexor aprox 1 month ago.I usually crash after 4.Wish me luck. So far so good. I am actually surprising myself and kinda hoping.........? I seem to be feeling better but we all know how THAT can change.Oh!!!!!!!!!!I 'forgot' I still have 1 cat but have never lived without a dog for protection. That's VERY hard for me. I'm concerned I might be doing so well because subconciosly I might be blocking.Any words of advice would be appreciated.

[Marcia]

I also wish I had looked for help sooner.I had a flood of memories at age 40,I called the *** assault center in Edmonton and talked with a man who was very understanding and he advised me to get help.He said he feared I would become anti-social and bitter as his mother had.Well,I coped as best as I could for another 20 years.Now, at 62 I realize he was right.I've now been seeking help for 2 years. Let this be a lesson to others,DON'T wait. I could have had a different life if I had done as he advised. As to getting the help, I live in a country setting outside of the major city centers.There is not alot of help in these out lying districts.It seems to me that Alberta is the hardest place to find help.It was much better in BC but I came back to Alberta 10 years ago and the merry go round starts again.Doctors don't listen,don't stay etc etc.Mental health workers come and go.I understand 'why' but it sure makes it harder for those of us who need them.MD's are more than willing to give out prescriptions but have no time otherwise. I, for one am not giving up.I just keep plugging away and who knows might actually get some where eventually.

[Woody]

Different circumstances but same results ... had I dealt with some of this crap 20 years ago things would have been very different today...

[AJ]

Me too. Understandable since dealing with these kinds of things is a very difficult journey to embark on.

[VillaStraylight]

For this reason, I have decided to be pretty upfront about my emotional disorders. I still try to hide the day-to-day stuff under my well-developed coping mechanisms - you know how it is out there - but I openly tell people, if the subject comes up, that I have SAD and Bipolar II Disorder and high anxiety and I talk about my med's. I somehow hope that my story will get others to seek help earlier than I did. However, the reality is that I know a number of highly anxious people who would rather be anxious than talk to their doctor about taking med's. They think that they've got it under control, but they're driving the people around them crazy.

[Guest]

Yeah I feel like I've got that SAD, on TOP of everything else, too, but I believe in "psychic memory." I got hit by a car the end of Aug/59 at just under 3-1/2 years old and EVERY August I start to go into the funk. I HATE the waning, dying of the Fall season, with the rains getting colder into snow - but I have a funny feeling it could be the "memory" my body still has of all the buried trauma it went through, along with the sheer fear and terror of what what happening to me. I got sorta abandoned in the hospital, as well, with my "female parent" (she's not "mom" to me anymore, God rest her long-dead soul....) taking off and leaving me with the neighbour's mom - I come "out" of it all with the refreshment of spring weather - my birthday's in mid-March (beware the Ides, eh?!) so that also helps with starting a "new year" for me....

[Rogue]

Not alone

I sometimes feel like i may have SAD but, I'm just not into the festive season, except for all the hugs the get handed out.You know, i am responding a bit late on this one but, knowing I'm not alone, in my old timers memory fog (age 43)and sometimes absentminded behavior, it's refreshing. I'm "not the only one".

[VillaStraylight]

I'm also 43. I read an article in which a research study determined that 44 is the most miserable year of your life. I'm hoping that this is true. That would mean that I'm almost at the bottom of my downward spiral and maybe can start looking forward to climbing up again in a couple years?