The virtual world of social media

[Jafar the wizard]

Having no social life in this REAL world doesn't make the VIRTUAL world of social media a better alternative ..
..
Facebook made me feel more MISERABLE & LONELY .. because Facebook is not really about connecting with OTHERS .. it's more about focusing on YOURSELF ..
..
Facebook gives you this irresistible ILLUSION that everybody is interested in YOU .. because it makes you think you're the center of attention .. & failing to be like this makes you feel more MISERABLE .. & that makes you struggle & try harder & harder to make this illusion a true thing .. but all in vain .. which will eventually bring you more FRUSTRATION , DISAPPOINTMENT , MISERY & SELF PITY ..

Tony Saghbini

[que moi]

I so agree with you Jafar.

Some weeks ago I realised I would not be able to keep myself from facebook. So I deleted all friends and that was it.

Real friends - and God knows they are few - do not care about my disappearance from facebook. And I finally put a stop to all of these happy family albums put in front of me and opened before I was asked if I cared to see them.

I feel better now. More free and more honest with myself. Now I might even have the time to start appreciating my own, uneventful but not so bad life.

Thank you for being honest and not pretending!

[Jafar the wizard]

You're welcome que moi

thanks to you too for reacting

this quote by Tony Saghbini is in Arabic .. he's a Lebanese freelance reporter & photographer ..
I hope my translation was precise.. well , it seems to be so ( I guess ) .. It was clear to you ..

[Jafar the wizard]

I can also understand your decision to cancel your Facebook account .. & I think a lot of people agree with but just lack the courage to admit it ..
At least you have the courage they lack ..

[paul m]

Hello. I'll agree that various types of communication can drive us slightly batty. I guess that I'm different. I use Face Book as a tool. I rarely post on it , except once in a while I may put some pictures on it. I use it to keep track of various friends and relatives who aren't currently active in my life. I have no problem declining friends requests from people who I know that I will never be friends with. I probably only look at it once a mth and I disconnect the automatic feeds that used to come to my emails every time someone posted something.

In regards to family albums, I'm not friends with most of my siblings so that's not a problem with me. Most of the relatives are distant,cousins etc who have moved away and I like to see what is going on in their lives. Also if I'm not interested in pictures/text/recipes I tend to skip right by them.

Of course my view point is slightly skewed, I have people trying to send me text messages on my home phone and that doesn't work too well as my phone has no display and the phone is analog and not digital. Plus I only have a pay as you go cell phone, so I only use it in emergencies. People will often say to me, what time will you up to so that I can call, I say that it makes no difference as I have only one phone in my place and I can't hear it ring unless I'm close to it. (very close I keep the ringer turned down to low).

I have given in to computers, but I don't have a lap top or tablet or smart phone and when my wife and I go camping the computer stays at home.

I'm not trying to criticize anyone here, I have no idea how people manage with their cell phones always ringing and getting notifications from 500 fake friends on facebook. I just deal with it a little different. Take Care. paul m

P.S. I also don't look at my personal emails every day, which seems to drive some people up the wall. I'll get asked questions like. "why didn't you answer the urgent email I sent you, I had to get a hold of you". To which my reply always is, " My phone still works and if I'm not there the answering machine works and I'll get back to you" . Some people actually think I'm being unreasonable with that answer

[Jafar the wizard]

Paul M
youre not unreasonable at all ..
its all about that .. people are different .. we are individuals ..
you're not the only one who's doing this .. I know at least two persons like that ..
the secret behind this is AWARENESS & IMMUNITY ..
you are aware of the bad consequences of following the crowd .. that makes you less vulnerable .. that makes u immune ..
..
mark zukerberg will not like you hhhhhh .. because that's not what he wants from Facebook users .. hhhh

[Jafar the wizard]

For me
I have my own way to fight back against Facebook addiction .. but I won't talk about it now ..
however .. I liked what TONY SAGHBINI wrote .. because I always felt that there is something is wrong ..

[que moi]

I also think it very narcissistic having to show yourself and exposing yourself all the time. The society is becoming more and more narcissistic.

For me it is better to be "off". At least then I have the chance and time available to notice that I do exist.

[Denis]

I'm new here so not sure of myself about sharing. I guess trust is an issue. I know why we are here isn't as important as knowing we are not alone in our grief. Facebook is hard and knowing how much of ourselves to put out there is a learning experience. Lately I've been wanting to share my depression or more my story and understanding why my mind works the way it does. I now realise I've been this way since my early 20ies. I believe Facebook is what you make it. I've been on and said somethings I regretted and on the other hand I've posted things that help others. Because of my past which was one of an abused child and raised to be an alcoholic have done many things to be ashamed of. It has cost me everything that was most important to me. When I realised the kind of person I had become, keep I mind my Parents never taught me anything. I made a choice to be better than they were and until this day try to a better person. I am no longer that person. Today I do a lot of volunteering. I coach novice cyclist to properly work there bikes. Teach them about nutrition and a healthy life style for the Big Move Cancer ride. The money goes to the Walker Family Cancer Hospital in St Catharines, I also do the same for Big Brother/Sister. Children Ultimate challenge and so on. I belong to a couple cycling Clubs, this year to raise funds for our Kids cycling program, I plan a double century ride in a day. This means 320kls. All this is possible with Facebook. Even with all this I've had an aweful time this past year. I'm still so consumed with regret at the things I've said and done getting here. At a time when I thought I would have Family and Grandchildren I am alone with no hope of having anyone in my life to care for. I's been so long since I've felt affection from anyone. If it wasn't for Facebook I would become completely isolated. Absolutely know one knows of my loneliness and isolation. What you show and tell is up to your discretion. Sorry for any spelling errors.

[AJ]

Welcome to the forum Denis. You came through some pretty dark times in your life. I have regrets about some of my life choices and the things that have affected others in a negative way, but I can't change any of that. As you say, we can make choices to be better and that's exactly what you have done.

Your volunteer work is time and effort you have offered to others. It's a selfless act to be proud of. I have met some very nice people volunteering, but admittedly did not gain any friendships there.

Loneliness is hard. I spent many years alone before meeting my partner in life. It's hard to reach out to people when you're depressed. I used to force myself to go out, to places like a coffee shop, just to get me out of the house. I know a lot of people from my working days, but there's only two friends I'd ever call in a crisis.

I rarely post anything on Facebook, but I do use the Messenger to talk with a few friends that live far away.

Don't worry about spelling errors. I'd be lost without spell check.

[Jafar the wizard]

Facebook is a double edged sword
its useful & it was useful for me too ..
however .. it is not easy for everybody to be a Facebook user & control his or her usage ..
..
denis .. I'm sorry to hear your story but in the same time I'm impressed with your attitude .. trust me .. you're doing very good ..

[Jafar the wizard]

Que moi
narcissism ?
absolutely right .. but not for everybody ..
..
i used Facebook to write my ideas ..
it was a good way to find other people who share the same thoughts .. that wasn't available in the real world .. Facebook makes the whole globe open to you ..
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the dark side of my story is that Facebook came in a very critical time for me ..
i had a Facebook account since 2009 .. but never really started using it before 2011 .. why ? .. because I didn't need it & didn't like it ..
..
In October 2011 there was a dramatic change in my life .. after being a family man for 18 years .. I found myself living alone .. separated from my family .. no friends .. no social life .. all my social life was as a family man .. & for a reason or two I found myself less welcome in my previous social life ..
..
I didn't use Facebook to talk about divorce .. but I started publishing my essays .. and getting LIKES made me feel better about myself .. but unfortunately for a bipolar person this usually lead to trouble .. narcissism plays a role here ..
So yes .. I agree with you ..

[Fighting back]

Hi Jafar,

I think you are bang on about this Facebook stuff.

I have an account and I have gone through phases of activity and frustration with social media. It can be a very perilous preoccupation and can certainly trigger depressive episodes. That becomes quite the danger for those of us who are susceptible.

I try to minimize the influence I allow Facebook to have. I find there are useful functions like local announcements and buy and sell groups, but the news feeds are downright manipulative. My current policy is to instantly hide any posts on politics and/or religion. No need to unfollow or unfriend anyone unless there is ample reason to do so and my news feed has become much saner.

[Jafar the wizard]

Fighting back
thank u for your feedback
Yes
it is a perilous preoccupation
and it proved to be so ..

[que moi]

Hello again,

For me facebook never worked. I found myself being sad by the meagre responses to myself opening up my heart. Afterwards I realise it was not the right place to do so. I had better go to a real terapist!!!

And then I became exasperated by the obvious fake appearences of others. Only showing happy images. Unfortunately this made me bitter and ruined much happiness I could have had with my daughter before she died. Now I know my life will never be a perfect image to brag on facebook. And I assumed my otherness thus choosing not to take part of it all anymore.

I respect the choice of others. Just that I am now (if not more happy) at least less sad without facebook.