whoopee, it's fall!

[Kaight]

Lots of great info!

I'm using the sun for my light therapy today... while I check out this forum I've plunked myself on the couch in direct sunlight - it's glorious!

Just recently I made a pact with myself to get up before sunrise so as to maximize my natural light exposure in a day. So far so good. In order to get up this early I got a timer and put one of the bedroom lights on it so that the room is nicely illuminated when my alarm goes off in the morning. We’ll see how long this lasts!

Happy Fall!

[Derek]

Yes it's that time of year again digging out my sad light tomorrow AM. Seems to boost my mood in the morning.

[uni]

I'm about to try something new in the SAD light department.

I found a place that rents out a couple of different models of the "Day Lite" brand. Those are the ones I've seen some of the more reliable studies done on. So I have one for a month. It costs $60 for one month, with $50 going toward purchase if you decide to buy. They are expensive, $230 , but if I like it I'll buy one. I look at it as an investment in my health, considering it wouldn't take long to rack up $230 in drugs. If I see my doctor soon, maybe I can get a prescription for it and try to claim it on health insurance. Doubtful, but who knows.

I usually start my light on October 1, but as it happens I'm going on another week-long trip, this time on short notice, so will start the light when I come back. I'm off to help a family member move, and also spend time with a couple of siblings. Although I do love to travel, this time around I'm tired and still having some depression, so I considered carefully before deciding to go. Family stuff can be dicey, but I know my help is much appreciated, which feels good. I may not get to see these people again for over a year, which is a long time when you love them (even though they can press your buttons), so I'm going with that in mind. I also recogize that 95% of the time, going away somewhere is good for my mood. We leave tomorrow night. I'm taking along the phone numbers of a couple of support people just in case.

I'll try to access a computer along the way, but no guarantees. I hope I can though, because this forum is good for me.

[Kaight]

Good luck Uni! Hope the move/visiting goes well. Glad to hear you've packed a couple 'tools' in your luggage!

[astronaut]

I hope the new light works well, Uni. Let us know how it goes.

Good luck with the trip. It sounds like a good idea for you to get out and do something that you feel is helpful. By having a task at hand it may also help you to feel less as though the family are "pushing your buttons."
I hope it goes well
astronaut

[Lizzy]

Best of luck on your mission Uni. I think you've prepared for the job.

[uni]

A bit short on time here, but want to report that the trip went well, and despite being pretty stressful some of the stresses were for positive reasons. I was actually the calming influence, go figure However, after returning home I seem to have crashed depression wise.

Regarding the SAD light, I've used it for 4 days now and still don't know what I think of it. I'm experimenting with intensities, angles, distances and times so it will take a while to tweak. Nice to get back into the routine of sitting in front of a light regardless.

[astronaut]

Hi Uni,

It just seems like you have to be on the go to keep that depression at bay. What are your next plans for travels, visits or projects? Anything you can try to get excited about to stave off the depression?

[uni]

Astronaut, you're right, I do seem to do better with activities happening in my life. The trick seems to be having enough to keep me busy and interested, but not so much going on that I become overwhelmed. I am finding it difficult to find that happy medium.

At the moment, my plans for travel include (possibly but not certain) some time in the southern states around February. I'm not excited about it at this point. Visits, I don't even want to think about because it only makes me anxious (I find myself fending off a dread of the Christmas season already). As for projects, the ongoing genealogy research is what I find most fascinating right now, despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that it doesn't involve much interaction with other people. Projects involving people feel too overwhelming right now, with the exception of a project with one of my support groups. It feels ok because there is no pressure, they are "safe" and positive people for me, and it benefits myself as well as others. Helping others is very good for me, but hard to do unless I have a certain measure of health myself.

I think that much of my current state is related to learning how to be retired. What a wonderful reason to have such troubles! I need to remind myself of how very lucky I am. I feel guilty complaining, but the depression remains very real no matter what the cause.

P.S. - Sitting in front of my light is not hurting, and may even be helping a bit already. Cautiously optimistic

[AJ]

Hi Uni. Sorry to hear that you're struggling with depression. It's a nasty beast!

I'm glad that you find the support group a safe group that is helpful to you. I've never tried a support group. I'd probably just taking on the 'helping role' and not share anything of myself.

Retiring is a big deal. It is a major change and it will probably take some time to adjust. Give yourself as much time as you need.

It's awful to be depressed. I hope you're feeling better soon Uni.

[astronaut]

AJ- What's wrong with "taking a helping role and not sharing anything [yourself]?" Many support groups aren't all about opening up and sharing hard stories with strangers--in fact, I'd guess that most "support group" type situations these days aren't like that. In my experience, most "group therapy" type things are more structured around teaching activities or work book exercises and homework. In most groups, the "patients" talk about why techniques worked or didn't work for them or what they found difficult about certain exercises and then we might talk in a group about how to overcome certain roadblocks. For instance, someone might talk about how a particular CBT strategy did not work for them when they had a panic attack but it was useful for when they felt guilty about something.

I think I might know what you mean though, I never really feel better after venting or talking about my own troubles or problems. I feel much better if I can share personal stories as a way to help others feel less alone, or cope or teach/give examples. I'm not sure why that is. I rarely do well in a group therapy setting though. Sometimes I "vent" to my mum or dad but they are really the only two people that I dump on, and of course, when I'm really depressed, I don't have much to say at all!

Anyways, what is your support group like, Uni? Is it for people with particular struggles? Are you learning particular skills? Are you still doing the weight management group that was kind of like AA?

I hope that the SAD light does give you some benefits, Uni! How long before you know if it is working?

astronaut

[uni]

Thanks for your interest, Astronaut. I attend two types of support groups:

The first one is based on12-step philosophy like that of AA, is completely volunteer, and has over several years become my rock.
The second one is run by the health region, has paid facilitators, and is limited to those who have completed a series of education sessions. That one has been active for years but I wasn't aware of it, so I still feel relatively new.

The two groups complement each other so I gain in different ways from each. In both, the group members help each other by sharing coping mechanisms they've learned over time, and generally offering support. Sometimes people even become friends outside the group. I have gained dear friends that way.

As for the weight management group, I can only attend sporadically because the meetings are in a different city. I exchange the odd email but it's just not the same, so it's become sort of a hit-and-miss situation and not as helpful as I'd hoped. I do like the people though, so don't want to lose touch.

As for the SAD light, for most people it takes somewhere from two to ten days to notice a difference. I am starting to feel better but am not certain how much is from the light. At this point I'm still tweaking the brightness, angle, distance and time. I have to find the right setup for myself before I can benefit properly. I may even go to another brand of light because I'm not entirely sold on this model after 5 days. We'll see.

Retiring is a big deal. It is a major change and it will probably take some time to adjust. Give yourself as much time as you need.

Thank you for saying that AJ, it brings me back to the reality of where I'm at. I'm not well yet, but I do see some progress. I like progress

[AJ]

Astronaut my experience with group therapy in the hospital wasn't helpful for me. People shared their stories and I never could. I always found myself being a support to others and never allowing others to be a support for me. The hospital setting is much different and perhaps I might find a support group outside of the hospital setting helpful, although I do have an aversion to homework.

[dave]

For me one of the main benefits to participating in a support group is to know that I am not alone, that others also struggle with similar obstacles. Seeing others doing well gives me hope. Initially, for the first few years/groups I said very little and wasn't comfortable sharing anything personal. Now that is not the case. When I talk about something that is troubling me it seems like less of a burden and when I can share something that has helped me to cope with my illness I do so in hopes that it provides encouragement for someone else.

[astronaut]

Actually, that is funny you say that Dave, because one of the reasons I don't like support groups is because it lets me know that I am not alone!! Sometimes I feel like everyone is depressed or sad or anxious or has anger management problems. I don't like it when so many people seem messed up to me. I actually think I do better in support type atmospheres when I am in a good place. When I am in a bad place, I shrink away.

AJ--I have been to a really, really bad hospital group before and I didn't share anything either. I have also been to fairly good out patient groups as a teenager. Those groups were good because they were more specific to my age group and my illness. But like you, I have never shared anything about myself with others. The best out-patient hospital groups were never about sharing things but were more like education groups where you can learn everything from warning signs and symptoms of your illness, to coping strategies, to social skills.
I also find that the groups that were smaller in size were more successful and less intimidating for me.

Uni--that's great that you've found the support groups so helpful. How often do you meet and how many regulars are in the groups?
Good luck with the SAD light. The rains have started where I am and it is looking to be a long, dark, sunless winter. I am thinking about the SAD light but I'm wondering a) where to put it b) if I can afford it and c) if I have time to do it!! I already have a lot of physio exercises for my physical health and it doesn't take long to spend well over an hour a day doing things for my health.

astronaut