Help me understand

[Kaight]

Astronaut - I think it might help me talk to ceratin people whom I have a hard time talking to. I'm going to give some serious thought.

K.

[purgatory]

Kaight I totally get what you say that you say things but people aren't listening. It's like being invisable and making the opposite occur. Do you ever feel like jumping up and down saying that's wha you were trying to get across when later someone echos what you said? I've tried communication workshops, books but I guess the delivery is something that is in between the lines that I'm not getting sigh

[paul m]

Hello Kaight. First, you come across pretty good on the forum. Second I can't speak for you, but I can tell you something that has taken me years to overcome and I still struggle with.

Communication is an art, no doubt about it. I'm no artist when face to face. I'm generally friendly enough, but I tend to let my inpatience show through at times. I'm no smarter than the next person, but I do think fast on my feet (asumming I'm not depressed). I tend to speak clearly and directly and I can get very impatient when someone doesn't get the point as quickly as I think they should or I try re-explaining my point which can also irritate.

My wife, who is no dummy and may be smarter than I am, prefers to roll things around in her head a bit before answering. This has lead to some nasty arguements that shouldn't have happened just due to the difference in communication stlyes. Well that and the fact that I tend to be impatient.

So sometimes when I appear to have not gotten my point across, in reality I just haven't given some people time to digest what my point is. (even though I think it is straight forward)

Plus you have to add in all of the people who just don't realize that I'm always right. Take Care. paul m P.S. For those newbies who don't know me, I'm just kidding on the last point. I've screwed up in life so many times that even I know that I'm often wrong, plus I've been mrd 35 yrs and on occasion my spouse has pointed out some of my faults.

[Kaight]

Purgatory -

Do you ever feel like jumping up and down saying that's what you were trying to get across when later someone echos what you said?

I in fact do a lot of actual jumping up in down... which leads me to Paul's post...

Paul, I think you've hit the nail on the head with the patience story. I think when I feel like someone has not got my point I freak out as I fear not being able to communicate my idea… i.e. I don’t believe I have a plan B to get my point across. This no plan B thing is common throughout my life… I don’t think of myself as very resourceful.

There are some cases where I don’t think impatience is the issue though… say, for example, when I go to a certain close family member’s house for dinner and am served meatloaf… I’ve been vegetarian for 10 years. Cleary there is something going wrong in a case like this…


Kaight

[paul m]

Hello Kaight. You are welcome to come to my place and I will remember to serve you a vegetarian dish as long as you promise not to convert me.

In regards to someone trying to serve you meat. I can understand you getting upset about that. On the other hand, some people just aren't going to change no matter how great your communication skills.

My wife will listen to me rant and rave over some relative who doesn't get something and then she will look me in the eye an say" well you should know by now that THEY aren't going to change , so why are YOU getting upset". She's right, but I still get upset. Take Care. paul m

[Kaight]

Paul - your wife makes a very clear point... I like it.

As for vegetarianism - don't worry, I have no converting-tendencies.... In fact I cook my partner’s dinner all the time and he is a meat-etarian, descended from beef-farmers… Apparently I make a mean beefy-tomato meat sauce too… its hard to know having never tasted it. Let’s just say I’m an unconventional vegetarian.

Kaight