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Unpredictable Personality/Behavior of Husband !

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    Unpredictable Personality/Behavior of Husband !

    Hello everyone,

    I am writing here to seek some advice from those couples whose spouse have been suffering from bipolar disorder or behavioral issues.It's long post, I apologize.
    I have been recently married (one month ago). It was a complete arrange marriage. We havnít met each other before .Then after 20 days of marriage my husband went back for his job in another country and I came for studies. My plan was to apply for my husband to join me as soon as possible. Now, I want to discuss few things in this scenario regarding my husbandís behavior which is becoming unpredictable:
    1. During the time we were together, he use to appreciate me but then at the same time or bit later finds something to criticize me(and most of the time for no reasons).
    2. More often, he talked badly about my family, which at first I listened but then politely I tried to mention him that it should be avoided so that it donot create conflicts between us. Once or twice it goes fine. Then again for no reasons, he just starts again. In the mean time, he keeps claiming that he loves me more than anything etc and so on. I am unable to understand which kind of love is this where there is no respect?
    3. I find him that he is not into taking my responsibility. He had financial issues, and I did compromise over it as I believe it can be settle down with time. However, in other aspects also, itís not like that.
    4. He always want me to be there for everything, for himself, but when it comes to me, my wishes, happiness, then thatís kind of secondary or least important to him.
    5. He tries to create conflicts between me and my in-laws. Most of the things, I didnít said/do and he would say to them mentioning that I said that.
    6. Above all, since we are away now and I am here for studies, he starts arguing with me more than anything. Soon after marriage. He is crossing limits and now always finding ways to initiate arguments Overall what I have assessed is :

    1.He has inferiority complex as he sees me much better than himself in all aspects.
    2. He is self centered, he is mostly concerned with what he wants/likes.
    3. He tries me to behave , think, act like as he wants
    4. He praises n then criticizes me to make myself feel down
    5.I find that his personality is not stable/balanced. When he is in the mood, he is like the King of everything and when not, then whatever comes, he cannít handle or cope up with situation.
    6. He is kind of extremist in all his behaviors, there is no middle level

    I can fully understand that it was a v short time which we spent together and its hard to be in that situation (being away from each other). But, it should be handled with mutual understanding, respect and future vision not just with false accusations, frustrations and criticism etc. There is much more , but it has already been a long post.
    I myself was trying to give him space so that this new relationship can grow. But also, I want to make him realize what is acceptable and what is not. I always try to be in polite way, but there is a limit and then argument (I expect this is what he wants).
    He went through depression, anxiety. During that time he tries to gain my sympathies in every way. Then sooner or later, his behavior changes and then he again starts arguing etc. I donot understand why is he behaving like that? What can be the possible solution. Is it like that he might have psychological disorder? I am on a point to think whether to continue with this marriage or not?

    Any help/suggestions will be helpful.
    Last edited by Jasmina; October 6th, 2018, 06:37 PM.

    Hi Jasmina
    Am I reading this correctly? You have only known him for 4 weeks & never knew him before that?
    I am not judging that in way but maybe it's just a clash of personalities as you never had a chance to get to know each other! He may or may not have issues but that would be very hard to get to the bottom of in 4 weeks!

    I hope you are having a better day x


      Thanks for your answer.Yeah it's like that (a very short time). So, I am confused is it just that personality difference or might be some disorder, as his father use to be very abusive towards her mother (he himself told me that) and that this is the reason he don't like his father .

      Last edited by Jasmina; October 7th, 2018, 02:31 PM.


        Hello Jasmina, and welcome. I don't have the experience of living with someone like your husband, but unfortunately I know several people who do. It seems complicated and confusing.

        Here's my two cents, take it or leave it. If you're bothered by his behaviour and it's too early to know what's at the bottom of it, my thought is please look to your own peace of mind and health. If that means posting here on the forum, great. If it means talking things over with a trusted friend or family member or a therapist on your own, that's an option too. Journaling may be another way of getting a better take on things. The more balanced you can be while you're getting to know him, the better decisions you can make. I've seen this help a lot of people in similar situations to yours.

        ~ it's always worth it ~


          I would be prepared to leave before you invest more of yourself in him or bring children into the marriage. I would be patient and watch him for a while. All the advice youíve been given above sounds very useful. There are some red flags here so take care of yourself.


            Welcome to the forums Jasmina. I hope you will be kind and gentle to yourself while you sort through all this.

            Humans punish themselves endlessly
            for not being what they believe they should be.
            -Don Miguel Ruiz-