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    So broken!

    Well today I just feel broken & helpless. Yesterday my son tried to kill himself. It wasnt a cry for help, he didn't even tell me he had taken the pills.
    It was pure Mothers instinct. I was on the phone to him & he was so broken & lost & saying things that tore my heart out whilst his (hopefully EX) girlfriend was just screaming at him in the background. I sensed something was really wrong & called 911 from 2 hrs away whilst she was just kicking off in the background. If I hadn't of called 911 my son would now be dead. He is in ICU sedated & on a breathing machine until they get everything out of his system.
    The one thing I hope is that now he will be admitted & they can try & get him stabilised for his bipolar once he gets out of ICU. Also that he will finally stay away from that abusive relationship!
    As a Mum I feel lost. I cant imagine my life without my boys & the fact that i nearly lost him yesterday breaks me & makes me feel so helpless. I don't know how to help him. If I hadn't of trusted my instnct it would of been too late.
    Anyway i am sorry I have rambled on. I guess I am just off loading a little. I wish I could get through to people who feel that life is too hard that there is always a light at the end of the tunnell somewhere. That he is si loved & would be so missed.
    Anyway I'm off to the hospital in a bit. It's gonna be a long day for me. I hope you all have a better day.
    Tomorrow is another day!

    #2
    Debbs my heart cried for both of you reading your post. I can't even imagine how hard this is for both of you. I am glad that you trusted your instincts and called 911. Hopefully your son will be connected with the resources he needs. Hopefully the girlfriend is no longer part of the equation.

    There's no need to apologize for 'rambling'. That's part of what these forums are for.
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

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      #3
      Hello Debbs. Sorry to hear about your son, hopefully he will get the treatment he needs. I can't imagine how stressful it must be for you. Don't worry about rambling, as AJ said, that's part of what the forum is for. Take Care. paul m
      "Alone we can do so little;
      Together we can do so much"
      Helen Keller

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        #4
        Thankyou both. They are keeping him on the ventilator & sedated for another night & will re-evaluate him tomorrow. He was even crying under sedation. He is so broken right now & I cant fix him.
        It's just breaks me. My younger son is being supportive but his anxiety is now through the roof with it all so I'm worrying about him too.
        I feel so useless as a Mum right now. I am hoping once he is awake & clears ICU & they transfer him to the pych ward that they will keep him in until they have him stabilised on the correct meds.
        I don't know what else to do?.......

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          #5
          Hello Debbs. My heart goes out to you Thank heaven your instinct kicked in and you acted as necessary. It's been a couple of days since you posted, so I'm praying that things are looking up for your son and all concerned,
          uni

          ~ it's always worth it ~

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            #6
            Hi Debbs. How is your son doing? And you?
            AJ

            Humans punish themselves endlessly
            for not being what they believe they should be.
            -Don Miguel Ruiz-

            Comment


              #7
              Hi Uni & AJ.
              Thankyou so much for your concern.
              He spent a couple of days on the vent & sedated in ICU then a night in the ward. After that he was moved to the mental health ward. He didn't really want to be there at first but has settled more now & seems to be accepting the help. I live 2hrs away so now he is in that ward I go up & back every other day. I know i sound paranoid wen I say this but I really worry on the days I don't go like today. I'm worried he won't have any visitors & be lonely. I overthink everything now. He has a couple friends that visit but not every day & i am already working my visits around my job cos I work full-time. Luckily I have a very flexible job. His ex girlfriend is barred & they won't let her in at all. Im so glad about that & they agree with me. They said the way she treats him is mental abuse! I also know she has a meth problem.
              As for me I am a mess! My nerves are on a knife edge, I feel sick all the time & I overthink everything. I nearly lost him & that terrifies me. I am just scared all the time & have no control over the situation.
              I am taking one day at a time & praying with all my heart that the blessing that will come out of this is that he now has the right help & this will be a turning point for him. Ultimately it is down to him though & I am helpless with it.
              I look at him & he looks so broken right now it rips my heart out. He is 25 but I just want my little boy back so I can keep him safe xx

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                #8
                Debbs,

                I cannot even imagine what you are going through right now... love+helplessness is in my opinion one of the hardest thing to endure.

                It sounds like you are doing an amazing job at being his Mom... I get the insecurities you shared above... but I hope that you can let them go... your love for your son shows deeply in your words and actions. I hope that he gets the treatment he needs and I hope you remember to take care of yourself... if even just for a few moments... just breath, as long as there is breath there is hope.

                My prayers are with you and your sons,
                Kaight

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                  #9
                  Kaight,
                  Thankyou for your lovely words. I have just got back from seeing him. He seemed a lot better today & I think he is being released on Monday with follow up appointments. I am going up for his discharge meeting with his new pychiatrist & councillor on Monday morning. From then on I just hope it's new beginnings. You are so right about feeling helpless. I feel like I have aged 50 years!
                  I just pray that this is a turning point for him now for the better.
                  Tomorrow is another day xx

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                    #10
                    Hello Debbs, So sorry for what happened to your son. Thank goodness your mother instincts kicked in. Good to hear he is doing better. It's any mothers worse nightmare loosing a child. I could not imagine what you were going through. My son suffers with depression and anxiety and uses drugs and alcohol to cope and it scares me to death that I will get a phone call some night. I try so hard to get him to get help, but he won't. Anyways, I always worry. My prayers are with you and your son.

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                      #11
                      Omg Debbs I was not aware of this until now. This is awful. I am so glad you checked on him when you did. How are you doing today?

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                        #12
                        I hope things are improving for you and your boy. This disease is so unfair. It hurts us all so much.

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