The previous post was just an introduction .. the real challenge I'm facing now is with my 26 years old son .. and it's hard to tell if it's a matter of attitude and behavior .. Or a matter of mental illness .. Or maybe both ..
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I made a mistake .. and I'm paying dearly for it for more than a year .. I was living alone peacefully for a year in this 2 bedroom basement apartment .. paying only 700$ a month and enjoying a friendly relationship with the landlady upstairs .. the apartment is old and wasn't renovated .. had no washing machine .. but I was happy ..
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Allowing my son to move in and to pay only 300$ per month for renting a room seemed like a good idea because I'm the only parent he has in Canada now .. and we did live together after my divorce .. That was in 2014 and 2015 in Mississauga .. but now this is a different place in a different city and different time .. and he's paying rent .. he wasn't paying me rent back then in Mississauga ..
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My son is on ODSP and he's only paid for accommodation if he has a signed lease from the landlady .. the landlady didn't want to sign any paper with him .. she didn't like the idea from the beginning and advised me not to have him as a roommate .. she wanted to deal only with me as a main tenant .. but I convinced her to sign a fixed term sub-rent agreement for 3 months .. and started paying 800$ instead of 700$ to have my son as a roommate ..
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Things went fine for six months and my son was paying me the 300$ monthly rent directly as email transfers .. but last January things went south when my son broke up with his girlfriend who lives in Oakville .. he used to spend time with her frequently but after breaking up he's at home 24/7 .. goes out only for grocery .. no work .. no school .. no social life ..
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His room is a total mess .. no cleaning no laundry .. awkward behavior including walking half naked outdoor even when temperature are 10 below zero Celsius .. he goes for grocery wearing only shorts and sandal and he puts on his shirt only when he's inside the store ..
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He's not cooperating to maintain a clean healthy environment .. doesn't want to talk .. doesn't show respect .. we live like two strangers and sometimes I have to text him while we're both in the same apartment because he doesn't allow me to enter his room .. he talks to me only when he has a complain ..
..
He refuses to leave the property because of that piece of paper ( fixed term lease ) and the police can do nothing about it .. I even suggested that I leave the place if he's ready to live alone here and pay the whole rent .. but the landlady doesn't want him here .. she tried talking to him and his attitude was disrespectful and it was clear that he didn't ask for this paper only to receive ODSP benefits but to use it to manipulate me and the landlady ..
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I tried calling COAST ( Crisis Outreach and Support team ) and they promised to call him but with no guarantees .. The landlady called the landlord tenant board but they have a long waiting list and her problem is not top priority for them because my son is paying the rent ..
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The situation is very stressful and unhealthy for a 54 years old man like me who's struggling with bipolar symptoms .. and while I can still run away from battle and move out .. leave the conflict between the landlady and my son .. this is not necessarily the right choice .. Moving out is a risk because it's hard to find an apartment for less than 1000$ per month these days .. and my income depends on ODSP and few extra hundreds that I'm allowed to earn by driving for UBER .. not to mention how embarrassing it is to be the one who brought a ( problem ) to my landlady then just leave without solving it ..
..
My son has mental illness .. but there's no clear specific diagnosis ( at least that's what he says ) .. he doesn't take any medication but smokes prescribed marijuana and follow strict diet .. sometimes fasts for 48 hours because he believes it's good for his mental health .. I even tried to make my own research but I couldn't find the answer .. even COAST told me that they can't force him to get a diagnosis ..
..
I need help and advice .. feedbacks are welcome ..
..
I made a mistake .. and I'm paying dearly for it for more than a year .. I was living alone peacefully for a year in this 2 bedroom basement apartment .. paying only 700$ a month and enjoying a friendly relationship with the landlady upstairs .. the apartment is old and wasn't renovated .. had no washing machine .. but I was happy ..
..
Allowing my son to move in and to pay only 300$ per month for renting a room seemed like a good idea because I'm the only parent he has in Canada now .. and we did live together after my divorce .. That was in 2014 and 2015 in Mississauga .. but now this is a different place in a different city and different time .. and he's paying rent .. he wasn't paying me rent back then in Mississauga ..
..
My son is on ODSP and he's only paid for accommodation if he has a signed lease from the landlady .. the landlady didn't want to sign any paper with him .. she didn't like the idea from the beginning and advised me not to have him as a roommate .. she wanted to deal only with me as a main tenant .. but I convinced her to sign a fixed term sub-rent agreement for 3 months .. and started paying 800$ instead of 700$ to have my son as a roommate ..
..
Things went fine for six months and my son was paying me the 300$ monthly rent directly as email transfers .. but last January things went south when my son broke up with his girlfriend who lives in Oakville .. he used to spend time with her frequently but after breaking up he's at home 24/7 .. goes out only for grocery .. no work .. no school .. no social life ..
..
His room is a total mess .. no cleaning no laundry .. awkward behavior including walking half naked outdoor even when temperature are 10 below zero Celsius .. he goes for grocery wearing only shorts and sandal and he puts on his shirt only when he's inside the store ..
..
He's not cooperating to maintain a clean healthy environment .. doesn't want to talk .. doesn't show respect .. we live like two strangers and sometimes I have to text him while we're both in the same apartment because he doesn't allow me to enter his room .. he talks to me only when he has a complain ..
..
He refuses to leave the property because of that piece of paper ( fixed term lease ) and the police can do nothing about it .. I even suggested that I leave the place if he's ready to live alone here and pay the whole rent .. but the landlady doesn't want him here .. she tried talking to him and his attitude was disrespectful and it was clear that he didn't ask for this paper only to receive ODSP benefits but to use it to manipulate me and the landlady ..
..
I tried calling COAST ( Crisis Outreach and Support team ) and they promised to call him but with no guarantees .. The landlady called the landlord tenant board but they have a long waiting list and her problem is not top priority for them because my son is paying the rent ..
..
The situation is very stressful and unhealthy for a 54 years old man like me who's struggling with bipolar symptoms .. and while I can still run away from battle and move out .. leave the conflict between the landlady and my son .. this is not necessarily the right choice .. Moving out is a risk because it's hard to find an apartment for less than 1000$ per month these days .. and my income depends on ODSP and few extra hundreds that I'm allowed to earn by driving for UBER .. not to mention how embarrassing it is to be the one who brought a ( problem ) to my landlady then just leave without solving it ..
..
My son has mental illness .. but there's no clear specific diagnosis ( at least that's what he says ) .. he doesn't take any medication but smokes prescribed marijuana and follow strict diet .. sometimes fasts for 48 hours because he believes it's good for his mental health .. I even tried to make my own research but I couldn't find the answer .. even COAST told me that they can't force him to get a diagnosis ..
..
I need help and advice .. feedbacks are welcome ..
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