I guess I should start with an introduction, I have had depression and anxiety since I was a child. Diagnosed officially around high school I was ecstatic to learn that even though I was different there was a way to help me. I started taking medication that made me feel horrible. I contemplated suicide and had a lot of trouble with school. I made it through my high school life through a lot of family help. I moved on to college and again had a lot of difficulty, I was switched to a different medication after graduating (that was a miracle on it's own) and suddenly things started to look up. I was starting to feel excitement and other moods I hadn't felt in years. I started dating and thought that I had to do things that I thought were normal. I was settling into a horrible relationship and was lost. My family saved me in more ways than one, I'm sure you understand if you are reading this.
So that takes us to today and why I am writing on a forum full of unknown people and hopefully gaining some advice. I have my coping methods and my medication. I have a family who loves me and a boyfriend who is my rock and my other half. The problem is lately I feel like no one understands exactly what I am going through and why I am the way I am. I feel like not existing would be so much easier, I have days where I am paralyzed with sadness, emptiness or just pure nothing. I wish i was better at explaining. My mother tries but she says things that just make me feel un wanted and like I am a burden, the boy and I are working on moving out but with my anxiety and depression it's hard for me to move on to something or take the next jump. The typical fight is that I need to move on from my dead end job and take the risks that I need to but I am paralyzed with fear. I am working on my communication skills but I just need a place to feel not so alone so here I am. Any input or advice will always be accepted.
So that takes us to today and why I am writing on a forum full of unknown people and hopefully gaining some advice. I have my coping methods and my medication. I have a family who loves me and a boyfriend who is my rock and my other half. The problem is lately I feel like no one understands exactly what I am going through and why I am the way I am. I feel like not existing would be so much easier, I have days where I am paralyzed with sadness, emptiness or just pure nothing. I wish i was better at explaining. My mother tries but she says things that just make me feel un wanted and like I am a burden, the boy and I are working on moving out but with my anxiety and depression it's hard for me to move on to something or take the next jump. The typical fight is that I need to move on from my dead end job and take the risks that I need to but I am paralyzed with fear. I am working on my communication skills but I just need a place to feel not so alone so here I am. Any input or advice will always be accepted.
Comment