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Unsure as to how I can help, if I can help or should I walk away

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    Unsure as to how I can help, if I can help or should I walk away

    Hello, I’m so glad I found this forum. By the way my user name is meant to be ironic (I do try to fix things) but I also realize that you cannot fix mental illness.

    My boyfriend of several months has what his therapists calls Hypomania (explained to me as a lesser form of Bi-Polar). He was very upfront about this condition when we first met although I had no idea he was in a manic state then, I had known him years ago and he seemed like the same guy. We are in a long distance relationship. Now he’s in the depth of depression and he says that we started (our relationship) too early (he is having major troubles in separating from his wife of 30+ years, the financial strain of it, his family is estranged, and he’s finding his current (very new) job taxing). A lot for anyone to take on regardless of mental condition). If he were on an even keel he would be able to handle all of these pressures, but he cannot. He is asking the soon to be ex-wife for assistance (from all outside accounts, they are very co-dependent), he says he sees her as a friend (she prefers him when he is depressed as he is malleable), but refuses all help from me. He says he loves me and he sees his future with me. This whole situation is very confusing to me.

    My gut is telling me to walk away, but my heart wants to help this man in any way I can (I love him very much).

    #2
    Welcome to the forum Ms. Fixit. As hard as it is to listen to sometimes, I trust my gut when it's trying to tell me something.
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

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      #3
      Hello MsFixit and welcome. Hypomania is a part of all bipolar disorders, not a lesser form of bipolar. Everyone with bipolar 1, bipolar 2 or bipolar NOS has hypomania. The only difference between bipolar 1 and 2 is that with bipolar one you will have at one time had, a hallucination, or a delusion,or been clinically paranoid at some point and/or it's disrupted your life severely(repeated hospitalizations etc. ) Hypomania comes and goes and often alternates with periods of depression. There can be many levels of hypomania, just as their many levels of depression.

      I take it that this man is in his 50's and still does not have his bipolar well controlled. That not a criticism, my bipolar was still raging out of control in my early 50's too. However, no matter how much you love him and how much you are willing to help him, love probably isn't going to cure his problems with bipolar. Only proper treatment can do that.

      One way that might help you make up your mind is too ask to be part of his next therapy appt. (the therapist can put the call on a speaker phone) . At least then you would know whether he is telling his therapist the same story as he is telling you. Good Luck and Take Care. paul m
      "Alone we can do so little;
      Together we can do so much"
      Helen Keller

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