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    Consequences

    Hi all,
    I am new here, but I am not at all new to bipolar. I was diagnosed type 1 15 years ago.
    Anyway, the issue that is of concern at the moment is regarding how my moods have an effect on my life. I am currently working on a master's degree in history, which means I also work as a teaching assistant during the school year. Last Fall I began the school year in a terrible condition. I was first manic which then warped into a mixed mood episode. My mania is most often aggressive and argumentative. I feel like the world is slowing me down and I need to correct it and hurry things along. As one can imagine this does not mix well with other humans. (ha! ugh) So, when it came time to teach I threw one of my students out of class for being rude (and ultimately had them removed from my seminar, because how dare they) I also threatened to throw another student out, and I was very argumentative overall. However, eventually I dropped into depression and was nicer, but I stopped caring and would end classes early a lot of the time. In the end, besides the few students who I helped closely, I received a lot of really negative feedback when I got my reviews back. I realise I gave them plenty of ammunition, but it still stings. A lot of what happened felt beyond my control, as if I am watching myself talking and I am unable to stop myself (during mania). I was also accused, in my final grade from a professor, of not doing the readings when I had read everything, I would just zone out a lot because I was depressed and could not concentrate. Anyway, my point is, I am frustrated. I have worked hard, and I am still attempting to work hard but this devil of an illness creeps in and I do not have the ability to say "Sorry I was an a**hole, it was just mania."

    -Jessica

    #2
    Hi Jessica, we sound very similar in our presentations. My manias are very agitated and aggressive rather than the stereotypical grandiose kind, with the occasional psychotic break, and I'm prone to mixed states. I'm working toward my DVM right now, and I've had a hell of a year! Two months of mania followed by four months of depression. Needless to say my grades this year don't begin to reflect my ability... I'm actually on the verge of failing out and I'm very upset and frustrated by it all! No sage advice or anything I'm afraid, but I wanted to let you know that someone gets it. (though personally I never want people to truly understand, because that means they've lived through hell to get there!) Welcome to the forum.
    Pressure makes diamonds....

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      #3
      Welcome to the forum MissMoods. I was struggling with a severe depression thru much of my university years. It makes a heavy work load even more challenging. It was like dragging myself out of a dark deep hole every morning to go to class, study and write exams. The mania came later...

      AJ

      Humans punish themselves endlessly
      for not being what they believe they should be.
      -Don Miguel Ruiz-

      Comment


        #4
        Hello and welcome MissMoods. Although my university days were long ago they were a constent struggle to find a balance, so I can understand some of the frustration that you must have. Take Care. paul m
        "Alone we can do so little;
        Together we can do so much"
        Helen Keller

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          #5
          Hi Jessica. Would it be enough to consider medications for the times that you are in your manic episodes?

          Comment


            #6
            Oh I am a medicated individual. It sometimes just requires tweaking.

            Comment


              #7
              Hi Jessica,
              I am also a grad student. I study part time because of work and commuting, and I don't have a TA position to worry about. Have you considered talking to accessibility services at your university? There might be accommodations that can be put in place to make some things easier. While I have yet to put my own accommodations to use, it's something of a comfort to know they are there.

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                #8
                That's a good thought quack424! I have accommodations that help me very much, but I'm considered an undergrad (even though I'll answer to Dr. when I'm done). I didn't realise that was an option for grad students as well.

                Jessica, I'd definitely second talking to accessibility services and seeing what's available to help you out when you're symptomatic!
                Pressure makes diamonds....

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                  #9
                  Yes, I am registered with the disability office and every professor I have had, from undergrad up, has been informed of my accommodations. I am also working with a reduced course load and went down to no courses last Fall when things were really bad.

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                    #10
                    Hi I am new here can someone please tell me how to start a new post?

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                      #11
                      Hi Kallie,
                      After clicking one of categories (Bipolar, Depression etc) you will see at the top "+New Topic" you just have to click on that to begin a new post. If you are still having issues let me know!

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Welcome to the forum Kallie. How are you making out with the forums? Any questions?

                        You might find this link helpful as well.

                        https://mdsc.ca/forum/help
                        AJ

                        Humans punish themselves endlessly
                        for not being what they believe they should be.
                        -Don Miguel Ruiz-

                        Comment

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