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    Mania

    Is mania really all that bad?

    As I was replying to a post I started reminiscing about my last manic episode. Yes, I admit that there were a couple decisions and behaviours that weren't the most.... favourable. But I was single at the time and worry free. It would be different now that I'm in a commited relationship, wouldn't it? I also didn't crash like I have with previous episodes.

    I miss and long for feeling the opposite of depressed! I was untroubled, energetic, socialable, attractive, and I accepted and felt good about who I was.

    I've had many «professionals» tell me mania is absolutely terrible! The worst! But they've never experienced any of it. They don't know how it feels to be so depressed you can't get out of bed. They don't understand the struggle of coping with and fighting suicidal thoughts. They don't understand the regret of terrible and uncontrollable anger. They don't know how it feels!

    I wish I could trigger mania. Just to get a break. Would it really be that bad?

    #2
    Have you had full blown mania or hypomania? Hypomania can certainly be enjoyable, and exactly as you described above. Mania is excessive in the way depression is. My mood is scattered I am unable to control my impulsive/ destructive behaviour. I have put myself and others in harm's way many times. I am often angry and alienate others in the process. So, I see mania as a destructive force. I don't think it is something I would trigger and I almost always drop down into depression. Ultimately, mania/hypomania will not be the thing that solves the depression and could, in the end, make matters worse. I am sorry I feel so strongly about this, but be careful!

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      #3
      Hello Harleem. I have to agree with MissMoods. If I could stay at a light hypomania it would be great. Unfortunately my hypomania episodes either turn into full blown mania and/or mixed states. Even when I have hypomania I enjoy the feeling, but I don't enjoy the results. I start thinking that I am a pretty important guy and that everything I say should be followed like a gospel., I start thinking that the rules don't apply to me.

      I agree that it would b great to be able to be lightly hypomanic. I mean when in that state I require less sleep, I feel great and I get a lot done, but as i said mild hypomania rarely last for me. Worse still when I have full blown mania I'm liable to forget to take my meds and eventually I crash, hard. Take Care paul m
      "Alone we can do so little;
      Together we can do so much"
      Helen Keller

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        #4
        I'm with MissMoods and Paul on this one. Not that mania is like smoking but, if I could smoke one cigarette a day, I never would have quit. Hypomania is my catalyst to a whole lot of manic craziness or a mixed state, it never just stays at hypomania. Like Paul, I can get into a whole lot of trouble even at hypomania.
        AJ

        Humans punish themselves endlessly
        for not being what they believe they should be.
        -Don Miguel Ruiz-

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          #5
          Thank you for your thoughts. And I absolutely don't disagree. I just wish I could crawl out of this state. It's been a little over two weeks of constant fighting with my mind (self condemnation, regret, guilt, suicidal thoughts... I'm exhausted). And when I'm feeling like this I just wish that the professionals that we turn to understood. And it angers me when they tell me that it's better to be in this state, fighting suicidal thoughts. I've had so few reprieves in my life.

          My psychiatrist told me about cryptic bipolar when he changed my diagnosis from treatment resistant depression. I'm still wrapping my head around this, but I don't truly understand what's going on within me (what I thought was just a finally happy, exciting time in my life, was apparently not normal?). I hear you talk about hypomania, mania, mixed states, rapid cycling... and I'm lost. I can't recognize my own symptoms and I don't really understand what my diagnosis is or means.
          Last edited by Harleem; August 6th, 2019, 08:51 PM.

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            #6
            Hello Harleem. It can be quite confusing to learn all of jargon associated with bipolar. You might want to read the article at https://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disord...symptoms-types

            Hypomania is a lower form of mania. It's during those times that one may feel energetic and productive.. Some people only ever have Hypomania. Mania is much worse and often comes with paranoia, hallucinations and psychosis.. as well as ramped up hypomania symptoms.

            Mixed states is when you have some symptoms of mania/hypomania and depression at the same time. For example your mind might be racing , Even though you might be really tired you can't get your mind to quit racing and thus you end up short of sleep. That mixed states. It just means that you have some symptoms of mania/hypomania and depression at the same time. When we are experiencing mixed states we often are in a bad mood. Mixed states also makes it hard for your shrink to pin point your diagnosis.

            Rapid cycling is when you go from mania/hypomania to depression rapidly (or vice versus). The definition is that this must happen 3 times in a year , but my own experience is that it can happen several times in a day multiple times in a month. Someone who has mixed states and rapid cycling many have trouble getting a diagnosis due to the wide variety of symptoms. Take Care. paul m
            "Alone we can do so little;
            Together we can do so much"
            Helen Keller

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              #7
              Thank you. I'll look into the link you sent.

              But now that also brings up the question: the last time I checked my diagnosis there was paranoia on the list..... Is that still part of my diagnosis or is that now a symptom now that my diagnosis has changed from depression to bipolar?
              Last edited by Harleem; August 6th, 2019, 09:51 PM.

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                #8
                Hello Harleem. I'm guessing here but paranoia is a symptom of bipolar 1 diagnosis and I would expect that it would be included in the diagnosis of bipolar. Take Care. paul m
                "Alone we can do so little;
                Together we can do so much"
                Helen Keller

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                  #9
                  My experience with mania wasn't that positive. I was at a nail salon and started yelling at the top of my lungs. I also did a little performance like I was Beyoncé strutting up and down the aisles of the salon. I acted like I was hot stuff. In my mind I was sent to use my platform of fame to education people on things that really matter political issues. I started talking to each one of the people in the salon, while concurrently yelling at the top of my lungs. The police had to come and arrest me and I was jailed. It was like something came over me and I didn't know fully what was going on. All I know is that I had absolutely zero inhibition.

                  It all started in the morning after I had a cup of tea. I logged online and started ranting on Facebook (things that almost later got me into big trouble). I'm usually a really considerate, quiet yet social person and it was completely out of character for me to act the way I did online.

                  After I was jailed I was transferred to the hospital's inpatient psychiatric unit. I had to go in handcuffs and everything. The cop car that I went in was all padded like I really was batshit crazy it was awful. It was in this inpatient psychiatric unit that I found out that the Cipralex anti-depressant I had been on kicked me into a manic episode and this is where I was first diagnosed with being bipolar.

                  Happy birthday to me. Not. It was one of the most embarrassing times of my life and I felt I had absolutely no control of myself.

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                    #10
                    When I'm at school I refer to hypomania as a performance enhancing drug because I need less sleep and my mind works faster. It's only meant a little bit tongue in cheek.

                    Showing up in the ER by ambulance, against my will, paranoid, hallucinating, raving, and combative enough that they had to assign a security guard to watch me was mania. I don't recommend that one!
                    Pressure makes diamonds....

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                      #11
                      Gossip, mania is not fun! Maybe the lack of inhibition but the results of the actions while manic that's a different story!

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                        #12
                        Has anyone noticed a big change in their lives after mania? Either the results of mania or just an internal change of some sort?

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                          #13
                          Oh god, the debt. I was manic for a couple months (my first serious episode) and I would stay up all night on eBay buying things because I conceived of it as a game I had to win. In less than two months I spent about $20 000. That has been life altering. It was all really useless things. Because I was up for so long I crashed into a depression that lasted a few years.
                          I have put myself in a lot of dangerous situation, well manic, as well whether it was driving recklessly (or intoxicated) or going home with strangers and engaging in risky ***. Thankfully nothing bad happened. I am often amazed it did not. For the most part it's been just the usual alienating people with my excessive behaviour. So, I have fewer friends now. That's the end result.

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                            #14
                            Hello Fried Egg. Have I noticed a change after a manic episode. At various times I have lost friendships, lost jobs, created difficulties with my wife, been broke after spending money like water had dissiculties with relative and many other less than pleasant things. Take Care. paul m
                            "Alone we can do so little;
                            Together we can do so much"
                            Helen Keller

                            Comment


                              #15
                              First timer here. I also loved my hypo. I left my wife for a young girl friend. Was the king of the world. The world moved slow around me. I was sharp. Clear headed and extremely confident in everything I did. I loved it all. Then the drop came. Wanting to kill yourself is a terrible place to be. Everything sucked. No hope. No future. No chance. Foggy head. No confidence. So yes I agree. If I could stay in the high that would be a fantasy world to live in.

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