Advice for living with bipolar disorder

[Just_Mandie]

Hi, I am new to this forum and this is my first post here.

I am a 28yo female and I have been struggling with, (not only living with, but accepting) my mental illness for years. I have been diagnosed with bipolar II disorder, GAD, and panic disorder due to childhood trauma. I am medicated but I do find it very difficult to even say it out loud because of the embarrassment I feel.

I am currently in counseling and have been for only a couple of months now. (Here in Canada its hard to get counseling due the long wait list since we have free health care). But my counselor actually encouraged me to join some kind of support group for people who also suffer with similar mental illness as I do. I don't really have much support except for my boyfriend and my aunt, so I think this will be good for me to "get out of my comfort zone" and talk about these things with people who understand the everyday struggle that I live day to day.

I have always been taught that keeping everything bottled up inside is what's best, because my mother felt that "talking about it was an inconvenience to her". The more I tried to talk about my feelings/what I have been experiencing, the more I "stressed her out". I started showing signs of mental illness at age 7 but my mother could not be bothered to get me help. It was easier for her to just pretend it wasn't there. It wasn't until I turned 18 that I was finally able to find a doctor to help me without needing parental consent.

(Sorry for rambling)

Basically, the reason for this post is to get some input on how the average person who also suffers with bipolar disorder is able to live a normal day to day life. The way I struggle feels unbearable most days. My medication zombifies me and I have no motivation to do anything, but if I decrease my dose, I'm constantly "rollercoasting" and I have more manic and manic depressive episodes. I feel like I just can't win and I have a hard time accepting that this is the way I am.

I haven't worked in years, and I dropped out of college because I couldn't handle the the pressure. I feel like a failure at life every day, and that this is "as good as it's going to get".

if you could give 1 piece of advice that helped you have a better outlook on life, what would it be ? I'm desperate for answers. I've basically hit rock bottom.

Thank you for listening and I'm sorry this post was so long. I would appreciate any feedback at all.

[AJ]

Hi Just_Mandie and welcome to the forums. I have moved your thread to the Bipolar section because it will be read by more people.

You are very brave to tell us a little something about yourself. Pretending all is well is energy draining, and sharing some of how you're really doing is a step in the right direction.

Mental illness is not something we should be ashamed of, but although society has come along way, there is much to be done in terms of education about mental health. It can be a challenge to break thru that stigma.

Finding the right medication is a daunting task but with persistence it is possible. Nobody likes to be on medication, but the reality is that many need it to stay on the road to wellness.

Therapy is very beneficial for many. It gives us insight and equips us with skills to cope and work through difficult things in life.

If I were to give one piece of advise from my own personal journey, it would be to be gentle with yourself.

[sober_bipolar]

First post/response ...

I know where you are coming from. Accepting that there is a problem can be very difficult to do, but it is also the first step to finding inner peace. I went through this process when I gave up drinking. Standing up in a room with a lot of strangers admitting I was an alcoholic was difficult but allowed me to feel more comfortable with the addiction. I was diagnosed with BP2 almost 20 years ago and I still struggle with it. You are definitely not alone! I feel uncomfortable about medication running my life, but have slowly come to understand it is a necessity if I ever want to move forward. Hang in there it will get better.

One thing that has helped me on this journey is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. (http://seinfeld.co/library/meditations.pdf) It is just so simple and to the point. Not for everyone but there is a lot of wisdom here.

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Take care and feel free to contact me ...

[AJ]

Welcome to the forum sober_bipolar. Thanks for posting that link and sharing a little something of your journey.

[Tyke]

When I was a boy I was taught that boys do not cry or show feelings. I do not think this attributed to me being bipolar. I’ve had counseling and attended support group. I found support groups very helpful. Open discussions allowed me to learn from other people and hear how they approached their problems.
I experience hypo-manic, mixed state and severe depression. I use to blame my screwups on alcohol. Mental Health stigma. I now know the value of being open. If you talk about you Mental Health people have a better chance of understanding and you will feel better. Bipolar Depression had me found with no vitals. I will drop into bipolar depression and I believe a mixed state at the same time very quickly. We are taught to have a safety plan in place but, when you drop fast that means nothing.

[Mocha231]

I am glad that you have become more open with others. Being open and learning from others can really help us grow. A safety plan is always a great idea, reaching out to others in times of crisis is also important.

Mocha231

[AJ]

Welcome to the forums Tyke.

[kek1977]

I can relate to your post in so many ways. Would love to chat with you further about this and try to provide you some support and understanding to your situation. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar for 5 years now and I'm still growing and learning about this diagnosis. It's not easy but is definitely something you don't have to hide from or not speak up about. You have support here if you need it. I also have a Facebook group called Bipolar Buddies Canada if you're interested.