About 2 years ago, I was very deep in depression, I had started self harming (I also tried to end my life). My sister found out and she pushed me to get help, to go see a therapist, even though she knew I might hate her for it(which I did at first). I was in therapy for 8 months before I got better. I had been doing great, at least until now.
The first time around my depression was caused: because I had been in a car accident that left me paralyzed(I'm a quadriplegic). But now I'm okay with it. I have accepted my disability, it no longer bothers me. I am happy as I am. So I was finally happy again.
But a month ago, my brother tried to take his own life, my sisters and I are worried about him. My parents acted like it was no big deal because my brother is a drug addict. My parents reaction drove a big wedge between us(their children) and them. Ever since then, horrible things from our childhood keeps coming back.
I still live at home with my parents(since I need someone to help care for me because of my disability). I think what has been getting me depressed again is that my parents are bad mouthing us. Like I can hear them talk bad about my siblings and I. To be honest, I don't care what they say about me, but having to hear them badmouth my brother and sisters that hurts(I'm very close with my siblings). When they talk to my aunts and uncles about us, they speak only of the bad, the things we screwed up. Like the last time I heard them talk about one of my sisters, all they said was how she had dropped out of 3 different programs in college. they never once mentioned that she now has a very good career that she loves. It feels like my parents only see our screw ups. they can't see how far we've come. Like my brother the drug addict was never able to hold on to a job for more than a week or 2. He now had the same job for over nine months, that's a big accomplishment for him. yet all my parents see is his struggle with drugs he's had in the past...
I feel like living at home with them is slowly killing me. I want to move out, but I don't have the money that. Plus my parents fixed up the house, they made it more wheelchair accessible for me. Because of that, I fear that if I tell them I want to move out they will guilt trip me into staying. My mom also happens to be my caretaker along with my sister. My mom once told me if I move out she will no longer be my caretaker. It can take months, even years to find myself a new caretaker. My sister is helping with me, but that is temporary; it's only until she's done with university and finds a job in her field...
I can feel myself slowly relapsing into depression. I could start seeing my therapist again, but the one I had no longer works here, she moved away. so I would have to start back to the beginning with a new one and I can't do that. it's hard for me to open up to people. also I don't drive, my sister used to drive me but I don't want to bother her with that again. I mean she has school and a family to take care of. my parents would never drive me. They don't even believe that therapy works, or that being a therapist is a real job. when I was in the hospital I was approached by one of their therapists, my parents were there and told them I didn't need any. they were wrong. my sister was the one who pushed me to go see one. if it weren't for her I would of probably ended up dead...
And now I just don't know anymore, I feel so lost and confused. that's why I decided to join here, I feel comfortable knowing its anonymous and not having to talk to someone face to face makes it easier on my anxiety.
I am falling down and I can't even tell anyone how I feel, out of fear...
The first time around my depression was caused: because I had been in a car accident that left me paralyzed(I'm a quadriplegic). But now I'm okay with it. I have accepted my disability, it no longer bothers me. I am happy as I am. So I was finally happy again.
But a month ago, my brother tried to take his own life, my sisters and I are worried about him. My parents acted like it was no big deal because my brother is a drug addict. My parents reaction drove a big wedge between us(their children) and them. Ever since then, horrible things from our childhood keeps coming back.
I still live at home with my parents(since I need someone to help care for me because of my disability). I think what has been getting me depressed again is that my parents are bad mouthing us. Like I can hear them talk bad about my siblings and I. To be honest, I don't care what they say about me, but having to hear them badmouth my brother and sisters that hurts(I'm very close with my siblings). When they talk to my aunts and uncles about us, they speak only of the bad, the things we screwed up. Like the last time I heard them talk about one of my sisters, all they said was how she had dropped out of 3 different programs in college. they never once mentioned that she now has a very good career that she loves. It feels like my parents only see our screw ups. they can't see how far we've come. Like my brother the drug addict was never able to hold on to a job for more than a week or 2. He now had the same job for over nine months, that's a big accomplishment for him. yet all my parents see is his struggle with drugs he's had in the past...
I feel like living at home with them is slowly killing me. I want to move out, but I don't have the money that. Plus my parents fixed up the house, they made it more wheelchair accessible for me. Because of that, I fear that if I tell them I want to move out they will guilt trip me into staying. My mom also happens to be my caretaker along with my sister. My mom once told me if I move out she will no longer be my caretaker. It can take months, even years to find myself a new caretaker. My sister is helping with me, but that is temporary; it's only until she's done with university and finds a job in her field...
I can feel myself slowly relapsing into depression. I could start seeing my therapist again, but the one I had no longer works here, she moved away. so I would have to start back to the beginning with a new one and I can't do that. it's hard for me to open up to people. also I don't drive, my sister used to drive me but I don't want to bother her with that again. I mean she has school and a family to take care of. my parents would never drive me. They don't even believe that therapy works, or that being a therapist is a real job. when I was in the hospital I was approached by one of their therapists, my parents were there and told them I didn't need any. they were wrong. my sister was the one who pushed me to go see one. if it weren't for her I would of probably ended up dead...
And now I just don't know anymore, I feel so lost and confused. that's why I decided to join here, I feel comfortable knowing its anonymous and not having to talk to someone face to face makes it easier on my anxiety.
I am falling down and I can't even tell anyone how I feel, out of fear...
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