Hi everyone,
I'm back and so is the 'black dog'. Well that hasn't left.
I'm 50 yrs old and have always been a black and white thinker. I need clear cut rules and roles to be detailed. I know that's my issue but with a lifetime of this illness I know what I can and cannot do. How do people just say get past it. Apparently, they must but I haven't found a way to do that and it's worse since the spinal surgery in Dec wasn't a success so about 90 percent or more bedridden. Last Friday morning made it to the fridge I was having a 'good' day then the turn blood pressure crashes and I'm doing everything to break my fall. My brittle bones as they described and spinal recovery didn't like that episode. No I'm not going to the hospital they can't do much for broken ribs, i've been doing fine with the skull, the wrist and the spine harder to ignore. But dealing with the kidney infection I started this morning became a priority.
Lord here I've re typed this so many times and it's so awful.
So how does one get over it (I'm talking emotional) since about the minute I was cut out? Honestly you don't want the pages just in healthcare alone the doctor at MAID since omg you are in a lot of pain when he saw the birth defects, mishandling etc and I'm so sorry healthcare has failed you all this time. he was really sorry that I didn't meet third criteria the hospital's definition basically no way will one survive within the next two months. This is before they found how bad my spine was and the Chief of Neurosurgery said I cannot do anything about the rest of your spine and where they tried to fix me.
Sorry but had to write this as it came to mind and I had to spew.
Really though how does one just get over a lifetime of being no longer useful nor loveable?
I'm back and so is the 'black dog'. Well that hasn't left.
I'm 50 yrs old and have always been a black and white thinker. I need clear cut rules and roles to be detailed. I know that's my issue but with a lifetime of this illness I know what I can and cannot do. How do people just say get past it. Apparently, they must but I haven't found a way to do that and it's worse since the spinal surgery in Dec wasn't a success so about 90 percent or more bedridden. Last Friday morning made it to the fridge I was having a 'good' day then the turn blood pressure crashes and I'm doing everything to break my fall. My brittle bones as they described and spinal recovery didn't like that episode. No I'm not going to the hospital they can't do much for broken ribs, i've been doing fine with the skull, the wrist and the spine harder to ignore. But dealing with the kidney infection I started this morning became a priority.
Lord here I've re typed this so many times and it's so awful.
So how does one get over it (I'm talking emotional) since about the minute I was cut out? Honestly you don't want the pages just in healthcare alone the doctor at MAID since omg you are in a lot of pain when he saw the birth defects, mishandling etc and I'm so sorry healthcare has failed you all this time. he was really sorry that I didn't meet third criteria the hospital's definition basically no way will one survive within the next two months. This is before they found how bad my spine was and the Chief of Neurosurgery said I cannot do anything about the rest of your spine and where they tried to fix me.
Sorry but had to write this as it came to mind and I had to spew.
Really though how does one just get over a lifetime of being no longer useful nor loveable?
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