Depressive Agoraphobic

[jake92]

It all began when I was 17 years old, I'm currently 26. 9 years of anxiety that turned into depression and a lot of other mixed emotions. I had my first panic attack during my last year of high school, I had no idea what was going on, felt like I was about to die. Later that night the panic attack came back and I was rushed to the hospital because I felt like I was experiencing a heart attack. Over the years of having more and more panic attacks, I stopped going outside, which eventually turned me into a agoraphobic. I can't leave my house without someone being with me and I have to rely on my friend (who I currently live with) to take me to the store to get groceries.

I'm currently trying to get disability but got denied 4-5 times for god knows what reason....Apparently they think I can still work, which if I can't leave the house kinda makes it difficult? I really wish the people who tell me to "get over it and go outside" would break their legs so I could tell them "Just walk on your legs, it's not difficult - I can do it!"

I have a support worker from Canadian Mental Health Association who's been helping me get out and do exposure therapy, so I got that going for me I suppose. Been honestly getting to the point where I just honestly want to kill myself. I probably won't tho.

/Rant end

[MissMoods]

Hey Jake,
Ugh, I am sorry, that sounds awful.
I was essentially housebound for three years because of depression. The result was I stopped interacting with people and my social anxiety became such that I could not go into a coffee shop and order coffee. I had to start from the beginning and do exposure therapy as well. It is hard but it does work, because at each point you realise the thing you were deathly afraid of cannot actually hurt you.(even if your body reacts as though it can,)But I understand, it is a process.

[AJ]

Welcome to the forums Jake92. Unfortunately many do not have any real concept of how difficult having agoraphobia can be. I'm glad you are doing exposure therapy. Sometimes we need to tackle things in smaller manageable efforts.

Is it CPP disability you have been applying for?

[jake92]

Welcome to the forums Jake92. Unfortunately many do not have any real concept of how difficult having agoraphobia can be. I'm glad you are doing exposure therapy. Sometimes we need to tackle things in smaller manageable efforts.

Is it CPP disability you have been applying for?

I believe so, unless theres a different kind of disability... It's been difficult trying to get on it, I even got a letter saying that I'm still eligible to work. That was a kick in my the butt.

[AJ]

I bet it was.

[MissMoods]

Hey Jake, so there is CPP disability-which is provided by the federal government and then there is provincial disability (in Ontario it is ODSP). CPP can be more difficult to get because it is typically reserved for a disability you are not expected to recover from. This may be the issue? I also have a caseworker through CMHA, they should be able to help you navigate between the two. It is hard, because unless you seek the answers no one tells you any of this! Also, you want to be on provincial disability as it will provide you with benefits (dental, eye care/ware, pharmaceuticals).

[paul m]

Hello Jake92 and welcome. I was housebound for a couple of years and I know how frustrating it can be. I hope that your CMHA can help you. Take Care. paul m