Losses

[uni]

Do you ever go through a period of time where you have a cluster of losses and upsetting stuff going on around you? I call these times "clusters" and I seem to be in one of them.

For almost a month, one of my siblings has been fighting potentially life threatening M.S.complications, and continues to do so. Two weeks ago another sibling was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Suffice it to say I've been doing a lot of praying.

Also about two weeks ago, the psychiatrist I've been seeing for more years than I care to count died unexpectedly. One might think that wouldn't be someone to grieve over, but I find myself doing so. Despite the differences of opinion we sometimes had, I figure he saved my life.

In addition, a good friend who has twice tried to take her own life is going through a bad depression again.

And a long time member of a club I belong to, and the nicest person you could want to meet, has been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

All of these make the breakup with my boyfriend seem like small potatoes, but I have to be honest and say I'm really struggling there just the same.

Still, I seem to be getting by more-or-less ok. If the above mentioned people are doing the best they can and handling things with courage, then I will try to do so too. Sometimes life is so blasted unfair to people, it makes me angry and then it makes me cry and then I do a bit of accepting reality, and pray some more, and feel a bunch of different feelings in turn.

I know I have to look after myself day to day, and thank heaven I have learned that. Posting on here is one of the ways that helps me look after myself. I remain eternally grateful for this forum and the people on it.

[Rosey]

Uni...yes....I went through a cluster of deaths and it was very difficult. It does make other life events even more hard to deal with!

[Lady in Blue]

How overwhelming for you, Uni! So much illness and death surrounding you! Last year, I went to a fireside chat evening offered by Dorothy Ley Hospice. After the meeting I was talking to the facilitator about how many people I or friends of mine knew who died recently (it was a around November). She told me that statistically speaking, there is an increase in deaths at this time of year. So sometimes these clusters can be related to natural phenomena. Not that this fact in any way helps alleviate the sorrow, but sometimes we think why me? I often pray the Divine Mercy Novena for people who are struggling with health or other issues; I find it quite powerful.

[Lady in Blue]

Uni, I'm not surprised that you are grieving over the death of your psychiatrist. It was a long term therapeutic relationship, and it's a substantial loss.

[Lady in Blue]

Uni, when it comes to suffering and loss there is no hierarchical rating scale; the most painful loss is your own.

[Lady in Blue]

Rosey, you are so right. Bereavement and multiple losses drain our emotional and physical energy and make us more vulnerable to stresses of any kind.

[uni]

Thanks so much for your comments, Rosey and Lady in Blue. It sounds like you understand.
I have wondered before about the time of year thing, that somehow a lot of people get sick and/or pass away when winter begins to set in.

[AJ]

Uni that is a lot of difficult news for anyone to process. I'm so sorry that you have to. I'm sending you cyber hugs. If we lived close to each other, I'd invite you over for tea and whatever else you think might be helpful.

[uni]

AJ thank you so much for all the cyber hugs; I never would have thought that a few little cartoony things can make a difference, but they do. And I would take you up on the tea if I could.

[AJ]

What's your fancy? I have every flavour imaginable.

[uni]

Lately I'm into cinnamon for some reason. It used to be fruit flavours, but I think I just got tired of them. Do you have a favourite?

[AJ]

I’m a big fan of licorice spice right now.