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    Thinking too much

    Hello me again.. well it will be officially 3 weeks on the new meds tomorrow. I can’t even say if I feel they are working or not. Needed lorazepam this morning as usual as the pattern is peaceful falling sleeping at night
    then waking up with a tight chest from anxiety. I don’t know if it is ever going to stop and it scares me. All I want is to wake up peaceful without anxiety. I was fine for years when cymbalta was working for me but I was at a better place in my life. As I’ve said changes are very difficult for me. I just want to not think about how different things are for me. I used to be off on the holiday when I was full time now I’m working. It just is a reminder of all the changes that were difficult. I want to get past this but i have obsessive tendencies that I can’t stop thinking about how things used to be. I miss my life how it was. I hate that I always compare how things used to be. If I’m not feeling anxious I’m feeling low. Anxiety hits I take lorazepam and settle down, then the low feelings start when I’m relaxed and it makes me want to cry. I can’t do any more med changes I’ve had enough. I know they say try until you get it right but I’ve had no luck with ssri’s. All of this just makes me feel I am never going to feel better and just feel badly about myself. I just want to be the person I was before.. happy laughing and enjoying life. I miss the old me so much. I’m crying right now because I long to be the person I was without crying and fear. I want to laugh again.. joke around. That was me for so many years. Life is different as I know it and I want to be back to myself. I’m tired of feeling like less with not working as much and wish things were back to how they were. I have an appt with my psych doc tomorrow I don’t know if he’s going to do any med increases. I’ll have to let him know I’ve been in tears most of the weekend

    #2
    Hello Hope126. I too took a long time to find the right meds and even to find out that I had bipolar. Part of getting better for me was telling myself over and over that I was a good person with a bad illness, not a bad person with excuses. The next time that you see your doctor you might want to ask him if he knows of any low or no cost Cognetive Behavioural Therapy courses. CBT can be done with or without meds. Properly done it has a good track record of helping. Take Care. paul m
    "Alone we can do so little;
    Together we can do so much"
    Helen Keller

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      #3
      Hello Hope126. Do you think it would help to take an online therapy course of some kind, as there may not be many in-person options? Maybe give you a bit of a break from the same thoughts over and over? Just throwing that out there.
      uni

      ~ it's always worth it ~

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        #4
        Wow, you are really suffering! And I have been there many times. I can assure you it does get better but not without a little work on your part. I'm going through another bout of depression now and will say it is not as bad as past ones. (I'm 61 years old & have battled this since 15) For my anxiety, there are 2 things I've learned that help ease the panic. First is breathing - inhale to count of 4, hold for 4, out for 8. Repeat, repeat, repeat,,,,,. The other is try to observe rather than react. Panic will never kill you. So, observe how your body is reacting, observe the thoughts running through your head. This help reduce the number of attacks I had. I'm not rid of my attacks but boy, have they cut down.

        About wanting your life back,, I prayed for that, still do at times. When I am well, I realize as with anything in life, we can't go back. Our struggle changes us but in a good way. We are more compassionate, less likely to judge others, & appreciate the intrinsic things that bring joy to our lives. And, yes, you will laugh again and probably more than you ever did. On a funny note, my husband tells me each time I come out of downslide, I lose more filters. I just blurt out what is on my mind regardless of where I am and who I am with. And I like this person. So, my fellow sufferer, try to love the new you. You are wiser and more loving than those who have not had your experience. HUGS

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